Boyfriend is upset with me about past memory

My boyfriend is upset about past before I met him.

Past memory: There was another guy who left me feeling terrible about myself. I am not the kind of person who does this, we had sex shortly after meeting, then led me on only to tell me months later we're just friends long distance. I was left feeling used so I tried to hang onto the idea there may be something in the future, self-preservation. I put a picture of him and I on my phone as wallpaper we had taken at a restaurant. We talked here and there nothing much on his end.

Fast forward 7 months still really nothing but friendly emails. I went out and met my now boyfriend, at the time we started dating I felt like the previous guy I had been holding out or so long which was clearly nothing for him like I had to break up or break it off and didn't know how even though we weren't in a relationship to begin with. My boyfriend at the time we had sex a couple of times, been dating for a bit. After sex I forgotten about the picture on my phone he told me he loved me and I hesitated this was a first for a man to tell me he loves me before I do. I couldn't tell him I love him with pictures of another guy as wallpaper on my phone. Part of me felt like I was in a relationship when in fact I wasn't I just held out for so long to something that wasn't there. I deleted the pictures and told him I love him too, I truly do. Weeks pass and I totally forgot I am not an avid facebook person that he was on my facebook too. So I blocked the previous guy.

It's been years now and my boyfriend knows about the experience I had, I told him, however he is over-thinking about the picture. When I hesitated and if I loved him or was thinking of this other guy. Why didn't I delete it sooner. A stupid human mistake I did unintentionally, I was so focused on when I would see my boyfriend again and spending every bit of time with him. We love eachother so much and it is bothering him now and I have explained and expressed everything. I know how bad it looks/sounds but it was an honest mistake.

Not a facebook photo it was wallpaper photo on my phone. At the time when we met I introduced the picture as he's a friend because that's in fact what we were. When I told my boyfriend recently about how the previous guy was one night stand (shameful for me, I thought there would be more leading to a relationship) recently it started bothering him. He is over thinking now our memory of when we said I love you to each other.

So, wait, you and your bf have been together for years but this is still coming up? A freakin' FB photo? When was the last time you had any contact with the other guy?

Look, this is simply something your bf needs to get over—or not. This is his sh*t, not yours.

So you had a little thing before you met him? And that little thing was still kind of hovering around in your head and heart when you two got involved? And basically the moment you two got involved you put that little thing to rest, for good, so you could focus on bf?

That happens—like all the time.

Your bf sounds very immature and jealous. Don't let that nonsense drive the ship and make you feel like you've done something wrong for, you know, having had a life before you met him. You've handled everything fine. He is the one not handling it well. If he can't adjust his attitude—if he can't, you know, man up—I'd think it's time for you to ask if this is the man you want to be with.

edited previous advice post

First things first: you have nothing—nothing—to be ashamed about with the first guy. What happened happened, and happens.

Onto your bf: my above advice stands.

Something is wrong with your bf. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. He sounds extremely insecure and manipulative. He needs some counseling .

You should not indulge his insecurities. Tell him he needs to get over it. As it has been years and there was nothing to it.

I hope that you are NOT apologizing to him? I would not tolerate this nonsense!

I've read the most recent thread first and I answered this:

"Did you tell your boyfriend about the oral sex your self? Why would you tell him such details about your sexual life with previous men? Some things are not sensible to share with current partners. They're in the past and no need for unnecessary drama in name of things like "transparency".

As to the rest you don't have to feel bad nor your boyfriend should be saying such things. You do oral sex or whatever sexual thing when you're ready and when you want. It's not your boyfriend's business when you made oral sex with another guy and he has to respect that for whatever reason that only concerns you, you choose to wait with him."

I hadn't realised you were with him for years and he's still obsessed with this. Your boyfriend is immature and insecure and he seems to be using this as a manipulative tactic. Don't give in to him nor apologize to him. He has to deal with it or leave. It's not up to you to cater to this non sense and his insecurities.

Apologies I don't know how to use the site, first time today on here. I don't know how to edit or delete posts.

Apologies I don't know how to use the site, first time today on here. I don't know how to edit or delete posts.

Would you like me to merge your two threads? It seems this topic is about a picture on your phone, and the other thread is about sex. Would you like to have them together? It will probably be less confusing to members trying to help.

Sorry, cancel that. I see you deleted the other thread.

Is it possible I can delete it? I didn't realizee I can't edit it or delete once posted and I would rather it not be on the internet forever. Please?

I could edit it before and I can't now

Can you allow me to edit this one it won't let me?

Would you like me to merge your two threads? It seems this topic is about a picture on your phone, and the other thread is about sex. Would you like to have them together? It will probably be less confusing to members trying to help.

 

Sorry, cancel that. I see you deleted the other thread.

Can you allow me to edit this post again? I can't edit it and I can edit other posts?

Can you allow me to edit this one it won't let me?

You can only edit and delete within a 30 minute window.

You can only edit and delete within a 30 minute window.

Can you please delete it for privacy concern? Please I saw this...

10-26-2010, 10:34 AM #3

BellaDonna BellaDonna is offline

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From the forum rules

Deleting Threads & Posts We will only honor a request to delete selected posts up to a total of 5. Please do not ask us to delete all 3,000 of your posts. We will decline due to the amount of time this takes. The deletion reason must be due to a privacy concern or other situation which may cause the poster harm or danger.

OP, your thread doesn't qualify for deletion as it doesn't break any rules nor are their any identifying features such as email address, phone numbers etc. I can close your thread, but it does not qualify for deletion.

OP, I hope you respond to our comments.

OP, your thread doesn't qualify for deletion as it doesn't break any rules nor are their any identifying features such as email address, phone numbers etc. I can close your thread, but it does not qualify for deletion.

What is OP??? I saw you deleted a duplicate post can you please just remove it?

What is OP??? I saw you deleted a duplicate post can you please just remove it?

OP = original poster. In other words, I was addressing you.

Thread closed.