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Manager came onto me then went cold


Birdygirl85

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Hello, this has been bugging me for some time now because I really have a strong attraction to this man and of course I am so confused. So about a couple yrs ago I opened up to my manager about some personal problems that were affecting my work, cried to him, etc. He proceeded to go waaaay out of his way to help me professionally, give me time off on holidays, etc. Soon after he hinted that we could be “close” and he looked at me in the eyes intensely. I was married at the time (he is married, I’m going through divorce) and didn’t want to cheat, but still very attracted to this man. Who by the way Is over 20 yrs my senior. He was very forward with his attraction to me, he would hug me when I’d come in the office in front of everyone, make a bit of a show, it was honestly over the top. Then I was switched to a new manager and he went completely cold. He also btw is in a higher up position now. I see him all the time and he will barely even say hello. Just for reference he is a very average looking man and I did modeling before this job. Now that I’m going through a divorce I’d really like to show him I’m interested but I don’t know if I should after he went so cold. Any advice would be much appreciated!

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Did you not read the part where he iniated all flirtation? All the while, we were both married. I was the one who chose not to act on it because I didn’t want to break my own vows. Yes, this is not a proper tree to be barking at, but his are not my vows to break. Go get triggered somewhere else.

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But holly was right, you don't go ruining another woman's life because you need/want attention from her husband.

 

It doesn't matter if he initiated the flirting, HE IS SOMEONE'S HUSBAND.

 

And the question is valid, would you want someone hitting on your husband and telling you it's fine that they do it or try it?

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No one here is triggered. We just can’t fathom why anyone would want to get involved with someone who is married.

 

That said, if you consider pursuing a married man acceptable, hypothetically speaking, I take it you’d be okay with another woman pursuing your boyfriend or husband, even though they KNOW he’s attached (to you)?

 

You’re playing with fire here, Birdy (not to mention other people’s lives). Please don’t.

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Did you not read the part where he iniated all flirtation? All the while, we were both married. I was the one who chose not to act on it because I didn’t want to break my own vows. Yes, this is not a proper tree to be barking at, but his are not my vows to break. Go get triggered somewhere else.

 

It shows a terrible character/value system to pursue a married man. Awful.

 

I do not care if he flirted with you initially. Doesn't say much about his character, either.

 

Have you considered his kids for a second. So selfish.

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I first and foremost would not want to be with a man who would come on to a woman the way he did with me. They clearly have issues. That’s not my problem.

 

But you do want to be with a man like this. You’re asking for advice on how to pursue a man who did exactly this.

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In addition to him being married; it sounds like you were abruptly switched to another manager. Maybe the old boss was reprimanded and warned that hugging you and showing you affection in the workplace and in front of people who knew he was married to someone else (and you were also) was unacceptable and unprofessional. So now he keeps his distance so he can keep his job and his wife. And just because he flirted with you doesn't actually mean "they" have problems in the marriage.. She could be completely unaware that perhaps her husband is a creep who is or is on his way to cheating on her.

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It sounds like this former manager came to his senses (that’s if he was flirting with you) and stopped himself before he crossed any further lines/boundaries.

 

I suggest you do the same, Birdy.

 

Meet (unwed) men elsewhere, but not this guy, and sure as h*ll not at work.

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Aside from his wife, (which you don't seem to care about ruining her life), just go on the basis that he is the type of man who will sleep around and cheat despite making vows.

 

That's not a good man and no doubt he's passing around STD's. It's not your problem to deal with, so don't make it your problem.

 

It's fairly clear cut, if you want attention, go to either dating sites or find single men to flirt with. Anything else is going to get you into a whole lot of trouble.

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(he is married,

he went completely cold.

 

I see him all the time and he will barely even say hello.

Now that I’m going through a divorce I’d really like to show him I’m interested but I don’t know if I should after he went so cold.

WHAT exactly, about the above, do you NOT understand??

 

It seems pretty clear that the guy finally came to his senses - hence him now ignoring you. Seriously, have a little self-respect and stop going after a married man who clearly has lost interest in you. You have NO BUSINESS there.

 

Wait until your divorce is finalised and then stay single for a good long while to get your head straight. Monkey branching rarely leads to a successful relationship.

This is all about respecting others, self-respect, morals and values. Ask yourself where your's is.

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Try not to latch on to him because you're lonely, upset and in the throes of divorce. Instead get some professional guidance and support through therapy. You are not ready to date. And certainly not further make a mess of things by clinging to a kind but married guy at work.

 

Act professional at work and do not come on to married guys because you are emotionally distraught and mistake a crush for a possible relationship. He's "cold" to you now because you're being inappropriate and he rightfully needs to distance himself.

he is married, I’m going through divorce but still very attracted to this man. Now that I’m going through a divorce I’d really like to show him I’m interested
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Did you not read the part where he iniated all flirtation? All the while, we were both married. I was the one who chose not to act on it because I didn’t want to break my own vows. Yes, this is not a proper tree to be barking at, but his are not my vows to break. Go get triggered somewhere else.

 

So disrespecting other people's marriages is ok to you as long as it's not yours? Well, ok, then act according to your values and pursue him and show him your interest. But then don't go crying if things get messy at work and that you're delegated to mistress while he promises you over the years he'll leave his wife and how horrible his marriage is. Or if this affects your reputation and career.

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I first and foremost would not want to be with a man who would come on to a woman the way he did with me. They clearly have issues. That’s not my problem.

 

So if you wouldn't want to be with him what's the purpose of the thread? Then you'd consider it's good that he got some sense and stopped the inappropriate behaviour and flirting. Now you can be relieved and ignore him too, since you want nothing with him. Are you saying it's her problem that she wants to stay with him besides him hitting on you? How do you know she even knows what her husband is doing out there?

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