Jwin Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 My niece decided to spill the beans to me about her & my fiancé slept together while I was in GA for training for 6 months, they’d been meeting for dinners soon after I left. They also have a history together of affair while she was married. We’ve been together 7 yes now,,, should I leave? I’m 51, he’s 53, she 45 Link to comment
j.man Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 How is it you get engaged to someone your sister formerly had an affair with while she was married? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 You knew he was cheating on you back in 2017. You also knew he had a history of affairs with married women. Yet you chose to stay with him and even allowed him to move in with you after a very short time of dating. Back in 2017 you asked "is this as good as it gets?" and seemed to think that because of your age and health issues you had to settle. May I ask why, despite knowing he was a cheater, you chose to remain in the relationship? Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 My niece decided to spill the beans to me about her & my fiancé slept together while I was in GA for training for 6 months, they’d been meeting for dinners soon after I left. They also have a history together of affair while she was married. We’ve been together 7 yes now,,, should I leave? I’m 51, he’s 53, she 45 I am seriously wondering why this is even a question. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 should I leave? Yes, I think you should leave. Things are not getting better. You are not getting younger. You are not happy. You will miss out on better opportunities if you stick with him. There are better men out there. FOR SURE. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 You would really stick around for this? When she was married, were you together? Is this round 2 of the cheating? You seem to very comfortable with a lot of disrespect. This guy does not care about you. Are you also supporting this creep? " Five years ago I moved away from my home town, divorcing my unfaithful husband of 15 years, to a very small rural town of 250 where my son lives. After dating my now boyfriend for a couple months, he moved me in with him and have been together since. He is still not committed to getting married (but not even sure that's what I want). He is now 52, has a reputation for sleeping with married women and was single for 10+ years before I met him. He has done numerous things in our relationship that have given me ample reason for leaving. A couple months or so after he purchased it, I went out of state for about 3 weeks for training. During my absence, I had a left a voice activated recorder in the kitchen, just like I did my husband. I did this because I was looking for answers, one of the reasons I left town in the first place. Two days after returning home, I listened to the recorder. I heard a phone conversation and shortly thereafter, the batteries died so don't know what else could've been on that tape. But what was recorded was where he (my boyfriend) had his phone on speaker so was able to hear both ends of conversation. He was on the phone with what everyone local believed to be "just a friend" who was a married woman, and in short were making plans to meet for a "date" He sounds great! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 You divorced you POS husband, and now you are with this jerk. This guy sounds like your ex. Your picker is way off! You said you were going to leave this guy, two years back. You did not follow through on or take our advice. Here you are, again. What exactly does he have to do for you to be done? You have allowed this guy to play you for a fool. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Yep. Leave. Don't look back. Why on earth would you have dated this guy in the first place if a family member already had an affair with them?? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 You knew he was cheating on you back in 2017. You also knew he had a history of affairs with married women. Yet you chose to stay with him and even allowed him to move in with you after a very short time of dating. Back in 2017 you asked "is this as good as it gets?" and seemed to think that because of your age and health issues you had to settle. May I ask why, despite knowing he was a cheater, you chose to remain in the relationship? These are my thoughts exactly. I am utterly gobsmacked ... speechless, that after your previous thread, knowing he's a cheater, asking the same question and now here are you STILL with the same d/bag and still asking the same question of "should I leave?" Two years ago people advised you leave. They still are advising you leave. BUT, you choose to stay. That's on you. No-one can help you if you don't help yourself. What I don't understand most of all is that two years ago he was a cheating boyfriend ....and now he's your cheating fiance - all this AFTER you were strongly advised to leave. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Why would you move in with a man you didn't even know? You dated him for a couple of months and then you moved in with a stranger who has turned out to be just another flavor of your husband of 15 years. I think you should leave him and get yourself into therapy to help you figure yourself out and why you don't take care of your emotional health and instead jump in with both feet without knowing or even considering what lurks at the bottom. Why would you stay with him? Is it because you are unable to support yourself? Do you feel trapped somehow? Can your son help you to move out and find a place of your own? What do you do that you need to go away for "training" so often? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 I do not understand any of this! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Sorry to hear this. However you are comfortable living with him and "he's generous and a good provider" so you have no intention of leaving..Unfortunately he is worse than your ex husband.03-24-2017:Five years ago I moved away from my home town, divorcing my unfaithful husband of 15 years, to a very small rural town of 250 where my son lives. After dating my now boyfriend for a couple months, he moved me in with him and have been together since. He is still not committed to getting married. He is now 52, has a reputation for sleeping with married women and was single for 10+ years before I met him. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 You're sharing a lover with your niece, that's terrible in every way possible. Why on earth did you want him when you knew she was having an affair with him? I don't understand it. As for leaving him, I think anyone would dump him in a second. Who wants your nieces leftovers? Ew. It would make more sense to leave that whole mess and find a man of your own. Link to comment
spunkmire Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Why would you move in with a man you didn't even know? You dated him for a couple of months and then you moved in with a stranger who has turned out to be just another flavor of your husband of 15 years. I think you should leave him and get yourself into therapy to help you figure yourself out and why you don't take care of your emotional health and instead jump in with both feet without knowing or even considering what lurks at the bottom. Why would you stay with him? Is it because you are unable to support yourself? Do you feel trapped somehow? Can your son help you to move out and find a place of your own? What do you do that you need to go away for "training" so often? Maybe she just has a thing for cheating men? Maybe she likes being cheated on. Link to comment
Annia Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 You knew he was cheating on you back in 2017. You also knew he had a history of affairs with married women. Yet you chose to stay with him and even allowed him to move in with you after a very short time of dating. Back in 2017 you asked "is this as good as it gets?" and seemed to think that because of your age and health issues you had to settle. May I ask why, despite knowing he was a cheater, you chose to remain in the relationship? Not only that but promote him from boyfriend to fiance... Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 I don't understand why you're asking if you should leave... from what you've told us... - He slept with your niece while you were away (Class act!) - He has a history of cheating and affairs with married women (Yep, sounds like a keeper!) - He has done numerous things in our relationship that have given me ample reason for leaving (Wow - this guy really is someone you should devote your life to!) Rather than you asking us whether you should leave or not - what do YOU think you should do? Link to comment
EternalOptimis Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Maybe she just has a thing for cheating men? Maybe she likes being cheated on. That, sadly, I have come to realise is a thing. I briefly dated someone who had been cheated on with pretty much every man she'd been with over thirty years. To be cheated on in one relationship is unlucky. Twice is terrible. Any more and there's clearly a pattern that belies an unwell psychology. Link to comment
Annia Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 That, sadly, I have come to realise is a thing. I briefly dated someone who had been cheated on with pretty much every man she'd been with over thirty years. To be cheated on in one relationship is unlucky. Twice is terrible. Any more and there's clearly a pattern that belies an unwell psychology. They're doing fine now, but one of my best friends is married to a guy who says he was cheated in all of his relationships and used that as an excuse to be excessively jealous. I've always been wary of people who say they were cheated in all of their relationships. Yes, it's the cheaters fault they cheat, but there must be something that's driving these people who only date cheaters to this type of people. I haven't been that lucky in love in the past, but I know that part of it is also because of bad choices I've made. Taking responsibility is the best way to change these patterns and choose better people. Link to comment
Jwin Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share Posted January 15, 2020 They're doing fine now, but one of my best friends is married to a guy who says he was cheated in all of his relationships and used that as an excuse to be excessively jealous. I've always been wary of people who say they were cheated in all of their relationships. Yes, it's the cheaters fault they cheat, but there must be something that's driving these people who only date cheaters to this type of people. I haven't been that lucky in love in the past, but I know that part of it is also because of bad choices I've made. Taking responsibility is the best way to change these patterns and choose better people. So I wanted to update everyone in this tragic experience I’ve had, I have finally gotten enough money saved, putting my 2 weeks notice in this Friday, and moving back home to start my career, and slowly distance myself from the narcissist! Btw, I’ve gone to therapy and learned my picker is bad because of my mothers narcissism and physical abuse when I was young... Thanks for all your advise!! Just took time to accomplish Link to comment
EternalOptimis Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Well done you! And best of luck for the future. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 So I wanted to update everyone in this tragic experience I’ve had, I have finally gotten enough money saved, putting my 2 weeks notice in this Friday, and moving back home to start my career, and slowly distance myself from the narcissist! Btw, I’ve gone to therapy and learned my picker is bad because of my mothers narcissism and physical abuse when I was young... Thanks for all your advise!! Just took time to accomplish Thats great At any rate, being in your 50s, you hopefully will find a good therapist who focuses on your own choices and motivations, not mother-blaming..... Link to comment
Jibralta Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 So I wanted to update everyone in this tragic experience I’ve had, I have finally gotten enough money saved, putting my 2 weeks notice in this Friday, and moving back home to start my career, and slowly distance myself from the narcissist! Btw, I’ve gone to therapy and learned my picker is bad because of my mothers narcissism and physical abuse when I was young... Thanks for all your advise!! Just took time to accomplish Great news! I'm very happy for you. Link to comment
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