Asking about the break post break up

For the last 2 weeks me and my boyfriend have been on a break because of his exam stress and uncertainty with the relationship. This morning through talking on the phone he decided that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. After talking we were happy to be friends and still talk with each other which is the best situation for me personally. However, I’ve just asked now if he got with anyone during the break, a question I wanted to ask this morning but didn't. I expected him to say he hadn’t since he said he wouldn’t have time revising for his exams. However, he messaged back that he didn’t want to talk about that yet saying " that it's not a productive area of convosation". I don’t know how to react this; my gut feeling is that he got with a guy that he knows I was jealous of while in the relationship. Reason being, that they hooked up before and decided be friends, which I was fine with, even meeting the guy at a birthday party, he was a decent person. I don’t care if he hooked up with another guy since it was a break, but I don’t know how to react if I learn that he hooked up with this other guy that he knew I had jealous thoughts on.

How you react is up to you. How much you pursue this answer is up to you. But I would ask myself:

1. does knowing this information or confirming it or not change the fact that we're broken up?

2. does making the ex-bf admit if he hooked up and with whom change anything about the break-up or that he wants to break up?

3. in what way does this help you to know this information if you're already broken up?

I honestly would let this one go. Consider it over, get over him, move on.

Some thing are better left unsaid and allow for one to move on more easily int he long run.

I honestly don't see the purpose or where it makes anything better to know (albeit i know we are curious by nature....)

You should not be in contact if there are feelings. Period. You will only hurt yourself more, when you find out he has a new bf.

You need to cut contact, until you have no feelings. You cannot be friends, now.

Thank you both for your reply, you both make some good points. Just to say that I don't have any feelings, I'm fine to move on. We're both mature enough to realise that a friendship can be salvaged since we do get along so well. My issue is that if he hooked up with this one specfic guy then I can't help but feel a bit betrayed since I did mention this to him during the relationship, even though he was in his right to do so. He could get with him now and I'd be fine with it since we're not togther. I just don't want to be mugged off by him.

If you asked if he was with someone, you do have feelings; otherwise, you wouldn't care. Be honest with yourself.

A very fair point. Thank you

Thank you both for your reply, you both make some good points. Just to say that I don't have any feelings, I'm fine to move on. We're both mature enough to realise that a friendship can be salvaged since we do get along so well. My issue is that if he hooked up with this one specfic guy then I can't help but feel a bit betrayed since I did mention this to him during the relationship, even though he was in his right to do so. He could get with him now and I'd be fine with it since we're not togther. I just don't want to be mugged off by him.

If that were true, you would not care if he had sex with someone else, wouldn't have asked him if he had, and wouldn't have created this very thread.

I agree with Holly. You need to be honest with yourself. It's okay to admit you feel hurt that he called a break and slept with someone else. Most dumpees would be hurt to hear that; you're human, after all. That is also why being friends right now is not wise. You need to reach a real point of relative indifference about him before a friendship will be truly viable. Take your time and space away from him.

Don't worry about how you will react if it's confirmed to be the guy you suspect. There's no right or wrong way to feel about it. The point is that you don't need to know to begin with. It will be a lot more painful than you're expecting.

 

Don't worry about how you will react if it's confirmed to be the guy you suspect. There's no right or wrong way to feel about it. The point is that you don't need to know to begin with. It will be a lot more painful than you're expecting.

Spare yourself the knowledge of this information because it doesn't change the outcome. That knowledge would only be hurtful.

The message is clear now. Thank you all for your honesty and help. I really appreciate everyone's input.

you were on a break, and he decided to end things. That does happen.

Its possible there is another person involved.

Stop all contact. Move on. Im sorry, but its over, and he is moving on.