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Thread: Ways to stop an overthinker from overthinking

  1. #1
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    Ways to stop an overthinker from overthinking

    I know that I have a definite problem.with overthinking things. Not everything, mainly relationship things. I have read that anxiety and overthinking go hand-in-hand, I don't feel that is true. I have always thought that anxiety shows itself by being jittery, nervous wreck, maybe I'm wrong.
    The problem that I'm having is, I'm sure, the result of a bad relationship. I find that I'm looking for the change in someone's behavior. I notice any little difference. I try to ignore anything I've noticed, unsuccessfully of course. So what ends up happening, yup... I mention the change. From that point on, I feel on edge, even more hypervigilant for signs/signals they aren't into me as much. Some would probably even say I become paranoid. I dislike that I do this. This isn't how I was prior to said bad relationship.
    It's not that I'm wanting to rush the progression of things, more that I am fixated on it stalling.
    Is there a way to break me of this nonsense?

  2. #2
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Overthinking and anxiety do go hand in hand... sorry. It doesn't mean that every time you overthink you may exhibit anxiety signs - but any time you have anxiety signs, you are most likely overthinking.

    What you're explaining is definitely just overthinking causing anxiety, probably caused by some foundational insecurities you have about the dating/romance process in general. The good news is... relax.. this is normal. We ALL go through it, especially when we're younger and far less experienced (because everything is so unknown at that point. When things are unknown and unfamiliar, we tend to overthink it). It all goes hand in hand as you can see.

    How do you get away from this? firstly.. the best lesson you can ever learn is to LET IT GO. LET THINGS GO. yes of course it's good to notice things. But no everything you notice may not mean anything all that important. When things "mean" anything is if it's an established and consistent pattern - not just because it occurs once or there is an incident. I'm not an alcoholic because i get drunk one night. I am an alcoholic when i can't "function" or live without getting drunk consistently. See the difference?

    The truth is, most signs or differences most likely don't mean anything all that significant. There are so many variables and so many things that can happen in a day that can effect our mood, disposition, body language, reactions, tone, etc. Most of the time it's just a temporary thing. Again, things aren't really anything unless it beocmes a consistent, and persistent, established PATTERN.

    so that's how you change this and not get so worked up about everything. Understand that things often don't mean anything all that significant. And that nothing is potentially significant unless it's an established pattern. Assess patterns only, not incidences.

    Hope that helped some.

  3. #3
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    oh.. the other bet lesson you can learn in life for anything is.... STAY IN THE MOMENT.
    Focus and remind yourself just to stay in the moment.

    This means being ultra aware of what's going on AT that moment - rather then get into your head and stuck in your head analyzing what just happened that you completely miss out on what's going on NOW.

    ex. if speaking to a friend at lunch, don't think about what you're going to be doing later, if you left the doors unlocked, what you'll be doing tomorrow, do i need to feed the parking meter, what am i going to say next - do none of that. just sit back and absorb all the stimuli going on at the moment- the smells you are smelling, the sounds you are hearing, what the other person is saying to you, how the food you're eating tastes, how your skin feels at that moment, how the air/wind feels against you, etc.

    again.. hope somethign i said helps.

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    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    we use this phrase to stay in the moment and on track: Trust in the process.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Consider short term therapy to find ways out of this short circuit and tips on how to manage any self defeating thoughts/acts. You can also explore whatever impact you feel this bad relationship had.
    Originally Posted by Dooped1
    I mention the change. From that point on, I feel on edge, even more hypervigilant for signs/signals they aren't into me as much. Some would probably even say I become paranoid.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Yes, your understanding of anxiety is not quite correct. I mean yes, it can be jitters, but it's also exactly what you are feeling - on edge and constantly on guard, overthinking every single detail, sometimes feeling paranoid or being told you are by others which is actually an extreme form of anxiety.

    Anyway, the core underlying problem is fear. So you need to start identifying and sorting out what specifically you fear and learning how to overcome it. Also, when overthinking/anxiety grips you, develop tools and strategies how to recognize the onset early and nip it in the bud. Remember that courage is nothing more than overcoming fear.

    If your situation is to the point where it's affecting your relationships, then consider that you might need to work with a therapist or go get some self help books first if you think it's not that extreme yet. If you don't address it and learn how to get a grip on it, it's going to grow and get worse. Lots of materials and techniques out there for overcoming this, but you have to do the legwork for yourself and find what is effective for you personally.


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