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Thread: 2 Months Intense Dating

  1. #1
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    2 Months Intense Dating

    Hi everyone, I'm from the UK and I'm new here. I'm not sure if this is the right section for my thread but it's to do with my relationship so I think it's appropriate? If not then I apologise in advance.

    I met this girl (A) on an dating app in early November, we are both 27 and studying at university. We are from the same city but I moved away to a city that's 2 hours drive away for my postgraduate study few years ago. At the start before our first meet we were messaging slowly. We met for the first time at our first date and we clicked instantly, a few hours of drinking and chatting and I dropped her home. Since then we've been messaging everyday, we agreed to go to a concert for our second date in the city I'm living in now, a week after our first date. She travelled 2 hours for the concert and to see me, and she stayed over at my flat that night, we had sex. I dropped her off at the train station and she went home the day after.

    That night when she got home, she asked me to be her plus one to her cousin's wedding reception in a week time. I thought it sounded fun so I said sure I'll come along. I travelled up and stayed at her place for that weekend (the night before and the actual wedding night). It was great fun and because it's her cousin's wedding, I met pretty much all her family and extended family members. After that weekend we saw each other pretty often, maybe 3/4 times a week, and even more in December cause we were both on the semester break for Christmas. I would go to her flat and stay over most nights, to her parents place for family meal nights but not stay over, and she would travelled and stay at my flat as well. She asked me to be her boyfriend one month in and I said yes. I saw her pretty much everyday in the weeks around Christmas and New Year, and joined her big family Christmas gathering. At the moment we are still seeing each other quite often.

    So here's the problem, I've always planned to move to London which is 8 hours away from our home city for my first job after finishing my studies in February. I always wanted to experience the "living in London life", so many of my friends from the same course are there already and I know I should do it earlier rather than later, knowing I'm 27 already and won't get any younger. But now that I met my girlfriend, I'm not sure if I should stick to the plan that I always have, or figure out a new plan so we can continue our relationship, because she still has 3 and a half years of university and can't move closer to me.

    I know that I should always put myself first, my career should be my absolute priority at this stage, but I found a girl who I really like, attracted to and have this intense chemistry with. We like the same things, have the same believes and thoughts. Our compatibility made me think twice about my career plan, as in should I find a job in my city right now or somewhere closer to her? And ditch this moving to London plan. But even if I manage to find a job in my city or somewhere closer to our home city, will we manage the 1/2 hours distance? I've spoke to my friends and I got a 50/50 response, some of them say in no way should I change my career plans for anyone, and the rest say if you really like her then you should do all you can to make it work. So here I am, hoping to hear some of your thoughts from your perspective, I feel like sometime advice from strangers is the best because they don't know you and have no emotions towards you so they can be very honest.

    Thank you!

  2. #2
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    There is no right or wrong. 5 years from now what would you regret the most ?

    I would say move to London if that's what you really want.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Since you have only been together for such a short time I would caution against throwing your life plans out the window to accommodate the relationship.... if it's meant to be then distance won't get in the way of you guys being together. Have you guys had a conversation about future plans yet?

  4. #4
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    Only two months.

    Realize that you are right smack in the middle of the "honeymoon phase". Everything is exciting and new, but you do not know her well enough to know if this will last. I know, you two spend a lot of time together but I assure you, you do NOT know her well enough to change your life for her.

    So I say no, do not give up your plans for someone you barely know.

    You can continue to do what you've been doing...staying weekends and vacations together. You can book flights that would be much shorter than 8 hours. In a year's time, if you're still a couple, you can revisit.

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  6. #5
    I say go for it! It's a new experience and and you might not get any other chances like it
    I hear what you are concerned about the girl you like is there but you want to be somewhere else. You dont know how life will be 5,10,or even 20 years from now you might regret not going or she might feel guilty knowing it was a opportunity you had but didnt take if this is your chance to get a good career and make enough money to if possible in the future to support both you and her if she is the actual one remember we live in a society that full of technology for y'all to have a long distance relationship but it depends if thats the choice YOU want no one can answer that for you but you

  7. #6
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    Op, what I see is a lack of communications. All of those days/nights with her, and no talk about each other's futures? Why? The moment you went on that 2nd date, this discussion should have taken place. You're 27, so you've been around long enough to know this.

    In a way, you've already answered your question. By committing to her (BF/GF) you've given up that London experience (which you knew well in advance). If you want to reverse direction and feel that the "living in London life" is more important then being with her, then tell her now and be done with it.

  8. #7
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    Would it be possible to continue your RL long distance for awhile, until she graduates?

    And/or or you could live the "London experience" for a year and then return to where you were both living?

    I've been dating my bf for nine months (actually 10 now) and I accepted a contract job in the UK for one year, leaving next Monday. Something I have been wanting to do since forever, and the opp presented itself and I took it!

    We plan on staying together, visiting each other when we can, and staying connected via phone, text, FaceTime.

    I dunno, I don't see why you have to break up altogether, and forfeit your dream, there are other alternatives.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 01-18-2019 at 03:46 PM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    You know that thing they say about drinking and drugs? Please use responsibly. Well, same applies to dating and romance.

    Two months in, with anyone, you're still high as a kite. The colors are bright, the music is perfect, food tastes good, every thought and feeling is the most profound thought or feeling you've ever had ever.

    It's the best! I'm happy for you!

    But just as its a bad idea to renovate your house while stoned, it's never wise to make big life decisions when drunk on early love.

    With that in mind, here's my advice: Go to London, live the London life, and keep exploring this thing. Weekend visits, whatever. See how that goes, how it feels, then assess and adjust as needed.

  10. #9
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    I'd never change my dreams and life plan for someone I met two months ago. In a year or two you'd regret it
    Go after your dreams and move to London.
    If it's meant to work, it will work. Don't sacrifice something so big for somebody you didn't even know two and half months ago. What ifs are relentless.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree with everyone else. Go and fulfill your dreams and play this budding 2 mo. romance by ear.

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