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2 Months Intense Dating


tom21

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Hi everyone, I'm from the UK and I'm new here. I'm not sure if this is the right section for my thread but it's to do with my relationship so I think it's appropriate? If not then I apologise in advance.

 

I met this girl (A) on an dating app in early November, we are both 27 and studying at university. We are from the same city but I moved away to a city that's 2 hours drive away for my postgraduate study few years ago. At the start before our first meet we were messaging slowly. We met for the first time at our first date and we clicked instantly, a few hours of drinking and chatting and I dropped her home. Since then we've been messaging everyday, we agreed to go to a concert for our second date in the city I'm living in now, a week after our first date. She travelled 2 hours for the concert and to see me, and she stayed over at my flat that night, we had sex. I dropped her off at the train station and she went home the day after.

 

That night when she got home, she asked me to be her plus one to her cousin's wedding reception in a week time. I thought it sounded fun so I said sure I'll come along. I travelled up and stayed at her place for that weekend (the night before and the actual wedding night). It was great fun and because it's her cousin's wedding, I met pretty much all her family and extended family members. After that weekend we saw each other pretty often, maybe 3/4 times a week, and even more in December cause we were both on the semester break for Christmas. I would go to her flat and stay over most nights, to her parents place for family meal nights but not stay over, and she would travelled and stay at my flat as well. She asked me to be her boyfriend one month in and I said yes. I saw her pretty much everyday in the weeks around Christmas and New Year, and joined her big family Christmas gathering. At the moment we are still seeing each other quite often.

 

So here's the problem, I've always planned to move to London which is 8 hours away from our home city for my first job after finishing my studies in February. I always wanted to experience the "living in London life", so many of my friends from the same course are there already and I know I should do it earlier rather than later, knowing I'm 27 already and won't get any younger. But now that I met my girlfriend, I'm not sure if I should stick to the plan that I always have, or figure out a new plan so we can continue our relationship, because she still has 3 and a half years of university and can't move closer to me.

 

I know that I should always put myself first, my career should be my absolute priority at this stage, but I found a girl who I really like, attracted to and have this intense chemistry with. We like the same things, have the same believes and thoughts. Our compatibility made me think twice about my career plan, as in should I find a job in my city right now or somewhere closer to her? And ditch this moving to London plan. But even if I manage to find a job in my city or somewhere closer to our home city, will we manage the 1/2 hours distance? I've spoke to my friends and I got a 50/50 response, some of them say in no way should I change my career plans for anyone, and the rest say if you really like her then you should do all you can to make it work. So here I am, hoping to hear some of your thoughts from your perspective, I feel like sometime advice from strangers is the best because they don't know you and have no emotions towards you so they can be very honest.

 

Thank you!

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Since you have only been together for such a short time I would caution against throwing your life plans out the window to accommodate the relationship.... if it's meant to be then distance won't get in the way of you guys being together. Have you guys had a conversation about future plans yet?

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Only two months.

 

Realize that you are right smack in the middle of the "honeymoon phase". Everything is exciting and new, but you do not know her well enough to know if this will last. I know, you two spend a lot of time together but I assure you, you do NOT know her well enough to change your life for her.

 

So I say no, do not give up your plans for someone you barely know.

 

You can continue to do what you've been doing...staying weekends and vacations together. You can book flights that would be much shorter than 8 hours. In a year's time, if you're still a couple, you can revisit.

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I say go for it! It's a new experience and and you might not get any other chances like it

I hear what you are concerned about the girl you like is there but you want to be somewhere else. You dont know how life will be 5,10,or even 20 years from now you might regret not going or she might feel guilty knowing it was a opportunity you had but didnt take if this is your chance to get a good career and make enough money to if possible in the future to support both you and her if she is the actual one remember we live in a society that full of technology for y'all to have a long distance relationship but it depends if thats the choice YOU want no one can answer that for you but you

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Op, what I see is a lack of communications. All of those days/nights with her, and no talk about each other's futures? Why? The moment you went on that 2nd date, this discussion should have taken place. You're 27, so you've been around long enough to know this.

 

In a way, you've already answered your question. By committing to her (BF/GF) you've given up that London experience (which you knew well in advance). If you want to reverse direction and feel that the "living in London life" is more important then being with her, then tell her now and be done with it.

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Would it be possible to continue your RL long distance for awhile, until she graduates?

 

And/or or you could live the "London experience" for a year and then return to where you were both living?

 

I've been dating my bf for nine months (actually 10 now) and I accepted a contract job in the UK for one year, leaving next Monday. Something I have been wanting to do since forever, and the opp presented itself and I took it!

 

We plan on staying together, visiting each other when we can, and staying connected via phone, text, FaceTime.

 

I dunno, I don't see why you have to break up altogether, and forfeit your dream, there are other alternatives.

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You know that thing they say about drinking and drugs? Please use responsibly. Well, same applies to dating and romance.

 

Two months in, with anyone, you're still high as a kite. The colors are bright, the music is perfect, food tastes good, every thought and feeling is the most profound thought or feeling you've ever had ever.

 

It's the best! I'm happy for you!

 

But just as its a bad idea to renovate your house while stoned, it's never wise to make big life decisions when drunk on early love.

 

With that in mind, here's my advice: Go to London, live the London life, and keep exploring this thing. Weekend visits, whatever. See how that goes, how it feels, then assess and adjust as needed.

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I'd never change my dreams and life plan for someone I met two months ago. In a year or two you'd regret it

Go after your dreams and move to London.

If it's meant to work, it will work. Don't sacrifice something so big for somebody you didn't even know two and half months ago. What ifs are relentless.

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Regardless of his absence or presence on the board, my opinion is that in February, it will be three months into this relationship and way too soon to completely revamp your life and life-goals and career goals. It was probably a bad idea to actively pursue a relationship when he knew, in advance, he was leaving in February.

 

What he doesn't state is if he already has a job lined up or if he's just going to London to play and see if he can find something. If he already has job prospects, he was a bit sh--y for not disclosing this from the start. If he doesn't have prospects, he'll be putting in applications, which could keep him local or take him away, and who knows how far or where...and this needed to be disclosed from the start as well.

 

I would be interested to know if he disclosed his unstable roots from the get-go. I'd be curious to know if he just wants the party-London experience before really hankering down, and how well weeks or months of absence from his career field and education will go over with prospective companies if he wanted to "party first."

 

I think that he should pursue his prospects as planned, and if this woman is "the one," while difficult, it should work out...hopefully. It won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination. I for one would not want to thwart my potential husband's goals and efforts, though it would put me in a place of having to determine if I can go along with it, and that would stink, big time.

 

I think the very bottom line that bothers me most about this thread is whether or not the OP disclosed his intentions from the start.

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Hi everyone, sorry for not being active since I started this thread last week. I read most of your replies and been thinking over the weekend, and I was overwhelmed by all the thoughts and decisions that I was going through. Regarding if I have disclosed my intentions at the start, we both told each other what we are currently doing (both at university) and what we are planning to do after graduation in the first couple dates. She know I'll be looking for my first real job, and I'll be looking everywhere without a specific place in mind. London is my default answer to where I want to move to cause there are so many jobs there, and many people from my field tend to go there because of that. I don't mind where I go as long as it's within the UK and it's a big city. I don't have a job lined up and I have yet to apply to companies. Because of that we've not talked about the possibility of me moving away, until two days ago on Monday I brought it up when we met.

 

We talked about it to understand what we want and where do we see ourselves in the next few years. There wasn't a decision at the end of that night cause we both wanted to thinking about it overnight, and we met again yesterday. We raised and focused on a few points:

 

 

I'm finishing my postgrad studies soon and she only just started her undergrad studies, and has 3 and a half years to go. I'll be working full time in a real job, she'll be studying and working part time. We are at different life stages and we won't know if we'll change or want the same thing after few years?

 

Working in our home city won't be possible cause it's a very small city and not many jobs in my field there. I can try and find jobs in the bigger cities that are only 1.5 hours away from her uni and our home city, but with my full time job and her commitments to studies and part time job that has to work over weekend sometime, are we likely to see each other? And yes it's only 1.5 hours away, but it still won't be the same as living in the same city?

 

She doesn't want to move and live in London. The London living lifestyle is not what she wants.

 

She also brought up her last relationship before me, which lasted one year and ended just about a year before we met. Her ex was cheating and manipulative, she caught him cheating couple times before breaking up with him. Because of that she says she's now anxious and insecure when getting in a relationship, and she's not sure if she'll feel secure and happy if we don't see each other often enough.

 

 

We didn't exactly say we are breaking up at the end, but I think we both know it's best to stop seeing each other now before emotions get deeper and we would be more upset then if we have to break up. We've not talk since last night and I'm not sure if we will in the near future?

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I know we only met and started seeing each other 2 months ago, and we are still in the honeymoon period etc, but the fact that we've never argued and we've always enjoyed our time together makes it harder to just stop speaking to her and move on? Like, there's no reason to break up with her? My head and logic says I should always focus on myself, but then my emotions says "what if she's the one?", that I should stay and fight for? Ant the thought of cutting all contacts, get on with my life and "pretend" that she never existed just pains me.

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You don't have to go to any extremes.

 

I don't think anyone advised you to "pretend she doesn't exist".

 

What I recommended is you two work out ways to visit one another after you move.

 

And of course you don't argue! That is typical of the honeymoon phase. You're in the throes of bliss. Any disagreements would come later, after the bliss settles down and the real world returns.

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