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Thread: Met a guy... scared he may have a gf

  1. #1

    Met a guy... scared he may have a gf

    So I decided for the first time since my breakup which was a few months ago to finally go on a date with a guy. It's been my first time on tinder (I'm a 21 female btw!) and most guys I matched with either didn't message or just wanted to hook up, shocking i know !
    Anyway one guy in particular who I matched with messaged me something quirky about my bio and we hit it off. Eventually we started talking via text and he seemed really sweet and smart and I was very attracted to him. We decided to meet up and get drinks which was a few days ago. We had a great time and for the first time since the breakup my ex did not cross my mind once.
    I promised myself I would hold off of sex but due to the drinking and feeling in the moment I ended up going back to him apartment and well..
    So that was that. Then I decided to do some research also known as subtle stalking on his social media. So the only thing he gave me was his number and snapchat, but not his other platforms. I first found him on facebook and noticed he had profile pics/cover photos with a girl from like over the summer and people were commenting "aww cute couple" so I figured that was his ex. However when I scrolled over to her name I noticed that her cover photo is actually a photo of them from just like a month ago and it still is. So call me crazy but when my ex and I broke up after a few weeks we slowly deleted pictures of each other off social media. So maybe I see it differently but it's a bit strange that like a photo everyone sees?
    Also, when we got this his apartment he was very adamant on me being quiet, and not just out of courtesy but it seemed like he wanted me to be invisible if that makes sense? And when we got to his place it was a friday night at like 11 so I don't think his roommates were sleeping. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
    So to sum up this lengthy post. I want to continue dating this guy but I don't know how to ask him about the photos without looking like a crazy person and scaring him away
    I know it's wrong to creep and now i see why

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Viceroy's Avatar
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    What you did itís not wrong at all, youíre taking precautions which is smart .

    You canít directly ask about the pictures , figure out a way to bring it up indirectly, i read this cool article on Facebook, I would like to share it with you etc....

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by Viceroy
    What you did itís not wrong at all, youíre taking precautions which is smart .

    You canít directly ask about the pictures , figure out a way to bring it up indirectly, i read this cool article on Facebook, I would like to share it with you etc....
    Thanks that would be helpful! It just feels like whatever i do will end badly :(

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Tinder is predominantly a hook up app so, imo, if you are looking for a relationship, you are going against the odds and you need to lessen your expectations. In addition, you knew that sleeping with him before getting to know him was a bad idea, yet you still went ahead and had sex with him even though he was a stranger and you felt that he was trying to hide something (asking you to remain quite as if he was trying to hide you)? Did I read your post right? If yes, imo you need to identify what was wrong with that and learn from it for future situations. Your gut feeling is there for a reason. Asking questions BEFORE sleeping with someone is warranted. You were ok having sex with a stranger yet you are afraid to ask questions about his availability? You could simply send him a facebook request with no further comments and take it from there. If he doesn't add you could ask him why and so on. You are entitled to know his relationship status if you had sex with him.
    Last edited by Clio; 01-18-2019 at 12:59 AM.

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  6. #5
    Originally Posted by Clio
    1.Tinder is predominantly a hook up app so if you are looking for a relationship, you are going against the odds. 2.You knew that sleeping with him before getting to know him was a bad idea, yet you still went ahead and had sex with him even though he was behaving suspiciously asking you to remain quite as if he was trying to hide you? Did I read your post right? If yes, imo you need to identify what was wrong with that and learn for it for future situations. 3. You were ok having sex with a stranger yet you are afraid to ask questions about his availability? You could simply send him a facebook request and take it from there. You are entitled to know his relationship status if you had sex with him.
    Hey! just to clarify your points lol
    1. I completely agree that tinder is mostly for hookups and there are other ways to date but I had to start somewhere I suppose and I wasn't expecting much from it tbh as I was still healing from my breakup if that clarifies it.

    2. I feel like it's fair to say that since he was on tinder I figured he was single. Also at the time I didn't really think too much about him telling me to keep quiet as I figured he just didn't want to be rude to his roommates, it wasn't until after the facebook incident I realized that maybe he was being too careful

    3. It's not that I'm uncomfortable asking him questions it's just the way I found out. Had he been the one to request me on facebook I would have but since I was the one lurking I don't want to scare him off if he doesn't have a gf. Also I should add I don't want to add him since he never gave me his last name. I only found him because of luck with google. Also it was more of I was looking at the girl's page more than his since she was the one with the recent pic so that might creep him out to see that I'm "stalking" the ex.

    I understand I have a right to know i just don't know how to do it without ruining everything

  7. #6
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    Of all the paces. I would not start with Tinder.

    The dude has a gf. You should hold off on sleeping with people, so you can see who you are dealing with.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I know people who married people they met on tinder or who have been in a relationship with someone from tinder for years. But yes, many use it for hook ups.

    As to the "stalking" when it comes to online dating I don't find it wrong to search a little and have precautions.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I would put money on the fact that he has a girlfriend and wanted a side piece. She no doubt is on a business trip or they are on a break or something is up but she is definitely not out of the picture.

    Tinder is the cesspool for hookups/dating, so it's really no shocker.

  10. #9
    So would it be best if I just ignore him?
    Or should I straight up just ask him? I was kind of going to ask him to follow me on ig so that this way I can really see and have a reason to ask. If he has a gf I will totally bow out as cheaters disgust me but I donít want to jump to conclusions

  11. #10
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    I think Tinder originated as a 'hookup' site, but I believe it has changed direction; not entirely, but there are people on there looking for relationships, you just have to weed them out.

    As for your predicament, he could very well have a girlfriend, but if that isn't an area you have discussed before then I would just ask him. Doesn't mean he will be honest with you of course, but at least you gave him the opportunity to answer . Still keep your gymuard up. If your Spidey senses are still tingling then let him go before you get too attached.

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