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Thread: At a breaking point.. Due next month.. Advice?

  1. #1
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    At a breaking point.. Due next month.. Advice?

    Need some non biased opinions on this.

    Well it's ongoing issues but this just went down like 20 mins ago. My fiancé has been off work for awhile and has a habit of staying up all night playing video games then sleeps in til noon or takes naps at weird times. He thinks bc he does still get things done like dinner or chores it's ok. Its a pet peeve for me bc unless you're working a night shift or an intense labor job I think he should be up at the same hours as him and our 11 month old. Not unreasonable Imo if it was a nap here and there fine but it's like everyday and then he won't get up willingly whereas I get up with our son and go with our sons schedule oh and I'm due in a few weeks with another baby.

    So today our son has been up from his nap since 3pm its now 5pm and I wake him. He gets agitated. Things escalate nastily bc I say I dont like it and wish he would. Follow a normal schedule. He calls me names, liar etc. Yells and rants while I ignore him. Insults my parenting. Won't stop going on and on in an aggressive loud tone while our child is there. It became downright mean and I was in tears and he still continues how I'm not a good mom, I'm. This I'm that. Y'all I NEVER insulted him just simply said ion like his schedule of being up all night playing video games.. Ok I called him a loser but I feel a normal man would shrug it off not go off on his 8 month pregnant partner while his kid is also there.

    This is just to add to a pile of things that went on.. I just got back from being at my parents for 10 days with our son. Before that we got. Into another fight and I dug my nails into His arm so he'd be quiet (yes I know it's horrid) and he starts kicking me and dragged me out. Of. The room. By my. Hair... No our child didn't see.

    So things have been nasty for awhile. I feel he critiques my parenting and puts me. On edge and it does affect how I am. As a mom. I was happier being at my parents for that week and a half. No yelling.

    I feel like I want to. Get my. Own place but I'm worried with a young toddler and baby to be... And I've also had to loan him thousands of dollars to take care of a legal matter. Which I thought would be best for us as a family to do and resolve but of course I regret in these moments. So I have money but not as much as I need or should to hold down bills and two babies.

    I just am at a loss. I know the situation is terrible for the kids and it hurts me knowing I am bringing them into an unstable environment. I feel it's just escalated so much since later in my pregnancy bc of hormones and stress. And we are currently staying with his mom while we were waiting to move so I feel kinda stuck. She can hear all that goes on... Is the type who will side with her son which is understandable but alienates me.... I just don't know what to do.. I don't want my son seeing all this BS. and I have a feeling he are beyond repair. I have turned the other cheek so many times but the hurtful abuse and physical incidents while I am heavily pregnant is just showing me he truly does not care.

    Please any opinions or advice. I know it's unfair to our kids and it's toxic please don't be too harsh I'm going through a lot already and want The best for them.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kysmommy
    I know the situation is terrible for the kids and it hurts me knowing I am bringing them into an unstable environment.

    I don't want my son seeing all this BS. and I have a feeling he are beyond repair. I have turned the other cheek so many times but the hurtful abuse and physical incidents while I am heavily pregnant is just showing me he truly does not care.

    I know it's unfair to our kids and it's toxic ..... want The best for them
    .
    Please, please re-read your words above. Really absorb it all.

    By staying with this very abusive and toxic jerk, YOU are damaging your children. They absorb all of what it going on around them. They miss NOTHING. Please please do the right thing FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

    Go back to your parents for your own sanity, safety, and most of all to get the children out of a very toxic, abusive and dysfunctional environment. At least you DO have a safe place to go to - many women don't. You owe it to your children to do the right thing - you're their mother and responsible for their wellbeing.

    Whatever you do, do NOT go ahead and marry this abusive jerk. That would be extremely irresponsible, especially after knowing exactly what he's all about.

    You mention several times you want what's best for your children. If you really mean it, then it should be easy enough to follow through. I'm sorry you're hurting, but please get out of this toxic environment - get your parents/family/friends to help you.

  3. #3
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    You do know that your unborn child could hear from the second trimester, right? So he or she, along with the little one already born, is being horribly damaged.

    You have family you can stay with, so you're not helpless.

    So ask yourself...what is more important, hanging onto this man or the health and well-being of your children?

    Acting "confused" or "unsure" does nothing to help your children, BTW.

    And so you know, I am the product of witnessing my parents argue and physically fight. I ended up a mess.

    Don't do this to your children.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I have C-PTSD partially from my parent’s horribly abusive marriage . Save your kids the mental agony .

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  6. #5
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    Thanks everybody. I guess I am aware I just feel very bad not because of our romantic relationship. Just because even though he is disrespectful and behaves horribly to me at times.. He is an amazing dad to our son. He goes above and beyond for him.. So even tho I do hate him. And think I deserve better for myself. I guess it hurts. I have to walk away so our kids don't grow up seeing us fight cos we clearly can't get along. But it also means they don't get to see their dad as often and have seperate households.

    That's been his whole thing when I've proposed to leave he gets upset and brings up how his dad wasn't around and he wants us to be a family so yes it is hard emotionally even tho I have been contemplating moving back to my home town for Awhile Now. But I have never felt so guilty as when he starts up and our son is in the room... And he says he is taking. In a normal. Voice but at the end of the day it is loud aggressive booming voice and I know our LO senses the tension and that I am hurting. I don't want him having issues or being upset as a child.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Have separate households is MUCH better then having your mother abused and disrespected. I’m sure you don’t want your sons learning to disrespect and abuse women and having your daughters ( should you have them )think that this is OK . My brother also grew up and ended up in two abusive relationships, abusive to him that is . Don’t do this to your kids living in separate household is nothing compared to that crap .

  8. #7
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    Well, if he's so concerned with being "around", maybe he should stop acting like a lazy abusive d-bag.

    And no, he is NOT an "amazing dad". You've described an angry, selfish, lazy layabout who verbally and physically abuses you. And you've given him physical abuse as well (and no, I don't agree that you are required to react with physical violence even if you think you were provoked). If that is amazing I wonder what a bad dad looks like.

    Trust me, two peaceful households are way better than your children being raised in a war zone.

  9. #8
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    What a horrible environment for your children. Why are you exposing and bringing kids into this mess?

    Why have you stayed with this abusive loser? How do you support your children, if this parasite is not working? Plus, he is emotionally and physically abusive. I do not understand how you can do this to your kids!

    Move to your parents.

  10. #9
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    "Amazing" dads have jobs and do not sleep till 5 PM. "Amazing" dads are not emotionally and physically abusive. What are you thinking?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    This all seems way too far gone, but I have to ask. . .have you two ever considered couples therapy?

    I only ask because there are two children involved here. Though the odds seem to be working against you, him being unemployed, can't provide a home for his family, not sure what the legal issue you had to pay for is?, his man/boy lifestyle and berating you. . .but having at least tried therapy you can walk away knowing you tried everything for the kids.

    No, you may not have much money, but the courts will see he works and supports you and the children financially. In the end if he is a dead beat dad, at least you know and won't look back wondering if you made a mistake. He can be dead beat dad all on his own without dragging you further down than you currently are.

    I say, go back to your parents.

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