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Thread: This friend ‘break up’ has emotionally damaged me more than a real break up.

  1. #1
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    This friend ‘break up’ has emotionally damaged me more than a real break up.

    I had a best friend who I had known since I was a baby. Throughout school years she would ignore me at school with her being the ‘cool’ girls and myself being just normal maybe more on the nerdy side. But at home we were close and we grew up together. When I became single at 21 me and her became close again, spent weekends getting drunk and having sleepovers. She’s always been a demanding friend, expecting lifts everywhere and using me when she could. Over the last 6 years we’ve had a few small arguments, always revolving around me not getting involved with her drama or arguments with other people. I then grew up a bit, moved out with my boyfriend, moved 20 mins from my home town, got a cat, an ‘adult’ job. She continued to be demanding expecting for me to come and see her once a week without her ever making her way to mine. I work long hours and I’m always exhausted so I struggled to keep up to her demands. She’s never been a fan of my boyfriend but then again none of my friends or family have been a fan of her due to her behaviour. You probably ask why I would friends with someone like that but she was always consistent and loyal to me, always there for me and underneath the crap could be a lovely, supportive friend. I loved her despite her flaws. Anyway last year she just decided to stop being friends with me. I would message to see how she was and she would be short with me. Months went on and I confronted her about her behaviour and change in attitude, she said that we had drifted apart and that was that. I tried to meet up or check in with her several times but I just got the same Luke warm responses. I was just grasping at straws. So in October I gave up. I just stopped trying and I haven’t heard from her since. It’s pathetic but she was my best friend and for her to turn her back on me so swiftly has been heartbreaking. I have friends I don’t see for months and we chat and it’s all good. I suppose I’m using this forum for an outlet of the upset. She’s posted about friends that she used to about to me on social media, buying them lavish presents. She’s always been the popular one, skinny and beautiful and I’ve always been the funny best friend. I’m sitting here questioning why I wasn’t good enough to keep around? I struggle to not see this as a reflection on my self worth.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I've had this happen to me a number of times throughout my life. It IS like a breakup and it's a similar grieving process... I feel the difference with friends though is somehow we think friends should be with us forever when in reality they are no different than any other relationship... sometimes we outgrow them, or make poor choices in friendships, and need to decide to end the relationship and move on.

    Look at it as an opportunity to find out what you really want in a friendship... one that is more reciprocal and aligned with your values would be a good starting place.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by maew
    I've had this happen to me a number of times throughout my life. It IS like a breakup and it's a similar grieving process... I feel the difference with friends though is somehow we think friends should be with us forever when in reality they are no different than any other relationship... sometimes we outgrow them, or make poor choices in friendships, and need to decide to end the relationship and move on.

    Look at it as an opportunity to find out what you really want in a friendship... one that is more reciprocal and aligned with your values would be a good starting place.
    I have had this happen too although in the last few years twice with zero reason or explanation -meaning no drama preceding it (in one case I can only speculate about one thing that happened and in the other case -nothing at all). i reached out to each woman a number of times and then felt the ball was in their court. Haven't heard from one in about a year and one for well over a year. It is like a break up and I am sorry you're going through this.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by feelingbetter9
    I’m sitting here questioning why I wasn’t good enough to keep around? I struggle to not see this as a reflection on my self worth.
    Herein lies the problem. You don't value yourself enough, or you would have recognized long ago that this girl isn't a true friend to you.

    I understand that it hurts. However, I think you could use this as your chance to start reevaluating your definition of friendship and work on strengthening your own boundaries so that you're confident in letting people like her go.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She's right. This is growing up and growing apart. It's fine. Don't take it personally. Gracefully leave it be and focus on new friends and the present.
    Originally Posted by feelingbetter9
    I confronted her about her behaviour and change in attitude, she said that we had drifted apart and that was that.


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