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Thread: What is the wisest/best way to handle this issue?

  1. #1
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    What is the wisest/best way to handle this issue?

    My boyfriend of a year is leaving to a city that is 4 hours away for 2 weeks his job is sending him, I feel sad, empty, like I depend to much on him, I even cried.

    How can I cope with this, I been living with him since December previously i lived with my grandparents, which are abroad and left me their apartment in charge, right now I am in my boyfriends house, but since he is traveling for 2 weeks for his job, so I am going back to my grandparents apartment, I am scared to stay in his house alone. But I get really nostalgic, sentimental about this whole thing.

    Since December I have not been working in my job since I suffered a lower back accident, I work on retail, they where pretty nice, to consider my situation, and til today I have not gone back, I discussed about going back to work with my 47 year old boyfriend , I am 30 by the way, and he said that if I did not want to work it was ok with him that he can maintain us, but we ha to live a little modest. So he told me that it was my choice, I get to decide.

    I feel weird cause I am a hard working woman, very active, passionate, even though itís retail, and I donít win much or nothing compared to him I do it with love. I want to grow and find a better job, something that I truly enjoy and feel alive in. So right now I feel all sorts of emotions going through my head.

    I donít know what to do exactly, how can I do everything in order. Cause right know I feel sentimental, confused,like a void inside, like if I was too attached to him.

    I also want to know if he really is in love with me or is still wondering, or getting there, I think my insecurity perhaps makes me feel this way or can this be my gut telling me something? But isnít a year enough to know if you really love someone already?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Two weeks? Like he will be gone for two weeks, then back?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Keep yourself busy while he is away by getting yourself back to work so that you can support yourself. Don't rely on him to support you. If you are wanting to better yourself then why not figure out what you want to do and then get yourself back to school to learn how to do it.

    Where are your friends? They can help you to make the time away from your b/f go faster. Do you have any hobbies or interests that can occupy your mind so that you're not sitting around and pining away? If you don't then you need to get yourself some interests other then just him. You have to have a life of your own and not put the burden on him of being your only reason for being happy. That job is too much for anyone to shoulder indefinitely.

  4. #4
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    This is really odd. Many couples are apart for a few weeks for a variety of reasons -vacations, work, family responsibilities. If it makes you feel better when I was newly married and our son was two weeks old my husband had to start traveling 2-3 days a week every week and sometimes more than that. And I had no family to help me either other than once for an hour -meaning I had people who could keep me company at times but I was solo all night with a newborn and all day - I left him once for one hour for a doctor's appointment. And I also had a medical condition. And you know what -I did it. I survived and more than. You owe it to yourself, to him and to your relationship to toughen up, get stronger, be ok on your own and be a partner to him who is ok if he has to travel. Also his being away shouldn't change his feelings or the solidity of your relationship in the least and if two weeks away does then it tells you you didn't have much of a connection in the first place.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    My guess is you are being a bit emotional or temporarily unstable due to your injury (and i imagine medications for it, or surgery, or just the unfamiliar territory for you of being stationary and not as active/mobile as you normally are (this can be very emotional for very active/busy people normally).

    Let's take a couple breaths here. He is only gone for 2 weeks. You're staying with relatives so you'll be OK.
    Its' just temporary (the emotions, him being gone, etc.) and before you know it - as long as you don't just dwell and mope over it all day and keep yourself occupied with something) he'll be back and life will be normal agian.

    Best Advice: heal. mend. Yo only get 1 body and as soon as you break that - life gets REAL DIFFICULT. So let the body mend.. that's your #1. It's the perfect time too with your bf gone for 2 weeks to rest and mend.

    its only 2 weeks. you'll be fine. as long as you don't let it get to your head.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    So how did you make it to 30 without him? I'm seriously asking.

    Btw, no matter what he tells you about not working, get a job and have your own money. Do not become a dependent ever.

    Overall, becoming so over the top dramatic over two weeks is....well....odd... What's really going on with you?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    If it is two weeks, you are too severely over dependent. This happens. People travel for work, vacations, whatever.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by leslielop

    I donít know what to do exactly, how can I do everything in order. Cause right know I feel sentimental, confused,like a void inside, like if I was too attached to him.
    Google `enmeshment'
    You don't know where you end and he begins.

    Being this upset over a 2 week trip is not healthy. Missing him, yes. Crying, empty and confused, no.
    By you and questioning your entire life meaning and relationship over a business trip is a sign something is amiss.

  10. #9
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    How old are you? Yikes. I see that you are 30. I thought yo were in your teens.

    You cried because he will be gone two weeks! You need to become more independent. Pronto!

  11. #10
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    You need a social life and interests outside of this guy. You should also consider school.

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