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Thread: Newly married...

  1. #21
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by superfan
    If my husband ever called me that word I would leave him before he finished speaking. That's not hyperbole it is fact.

    No man should ever speak to you like that and even if you did insult his sister, there is no excuse for that kind of gendered and misogynistic abuse.

    This won't be the first time he speaks to you this way. Keep that in mind.
    Again, will never understand how the person who actually comes up with a meaningful and thought-out insult comes out ahead because they better spoke the King's. This is how we get the archetype of the emotionally abusive partner who thinks themselves in the right simply for their abuse having been softly spoken. Even worse, when they gaslight their partner once they lash back as a result, often intentionally set up to do so. Someone who could actually articulate their insults toward a loved one scares me a whole lot more than someone who curses in response to such an act. Neither is excusable, but regarding a human being (a woman no less, if we're going the route of misogyny) as valueless is objectively worse-- again, if we're to be so insistent to weigh sins rather than more constructively consider it a wash.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Again, will never understand how the person who actually comes up with a meaningful and thought-out insult comes out ahead because they better spoke the King's. This is how we get the archetype of the emotionally abusive partner who thinks themselves in the right simply for their abuse having been softly spoken. Even worse, when they gaslight their partner once they lash back as a result, often intentionally set up to do so. Someone who could actually articulate their insults toward a loved one scares me a whole lot more than someone who curses in response to such an act. Neither is excusable, but regarding a human being (a woman no less, if we're going the route of misogyny) as valueless is objectively worse-- again, if we're to be so insistent to weigh sins rather than more constructively consider it a wash.
    I really love your input and insight on this. I mean, sure, there are certain words as is even more obvious in today's world that are completely off limits - and there's a difference between for example using a curse as an adjective to refer to a situation or even a partner's attitude "this is ___ ridiculous" for example and using it as the label for your partner. I really do get what you're saying -that the person who uses that off limits word is "worse" than the one who insults and manipulatively insults. Of course we all must walk away/breathe whatever it takes not to use that word (or use physical abuse) but then so should the other partner. Tough one and again I can really relate to what you're saying particularly because I see "emotional abuse" flung around a bit too much these days- JMHO.

    Edited to add. OP - I loved my inlaws and I miss them -they passed away. And one of them really really got on my nerves and treated me badly the last few years he was alive. I did speak with my husband about it in a respectful way. In my opinion my husband didn't do enough to show he had my back and I think about that at times especially when he talks fondly about his father. And I would never, ever ever say anything bad about his father's treatment of me now even though I have to bite my tongue at times and I still feel he should have stuck up for me more. But I won't cross that line -I'd rather swallow the negativity/resentment than malign or criticize his father especially since he passed away - you have to do that in a marriage IMO to keep the peace -you don't let it all hang out especially when you're referring to your inlaws.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member
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    I hated my wedding because of my in-laws over involvement, and I harped on it for a long time. All it did was make my husband uncomfortable, I got nothing positive by complaining.
    There was nothing that could be done because it was in the past. If I wanted things to be different, then I should have paid for everything myself..
    If you want to drive a wedge between you and your husband and his family, then by all means, keep going. If you want to start your life together as a couple, move on. Sounds like you both may need to learn how to fight in a positive way. Try therapy, or a religious advisor.

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