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Thread: Next steps

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by deedee911
    It's hard to discern if he has ambition or not
    You would know this in seven months. He would be talking about his future and what he was going to do with it.

    What job that is related to economics pays minimum wage? How long did he have the job? What work did he do prior? he is 30, he should have something in his background.

    He behaves very irresponsibly for his age. Also, it is concerning he quit a job, without having another.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. He's way behind the curve as far as ambition goes. Does he have drug, alcohol or mental problems? At 30 years old he's unemployed and lives with roommates. At 30 most people are at the top of their game and hitting their stride. That means they are doing what they are trained to do professionally, have their own place either ownership or a decent apt. and are moving forward not backward after an education.
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You would know this in seven months. He behaves very irresponsibly for his age. Also, it is concerning he quit a job, without having another.

  3. #13
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    'Do I wait to find out if he does have ambition or do I move on and find someone else? The thing is I know I am not perfect. And if I give him up I may find someone who has a great job but has some other hang up. Then I may end up looking for the perfect someone that doesnt exist.

    He is not some moocher btw without a job. He does equally contribute as he does have savings and no debt.'

    ______________

    So to sum it up, you've got a decent bloke who loves you and whom you love back. He has a degree. He works (no, I don't care what he does or how much he gets paid. He works). He's not mooching off you. He is looking for a better higher paid job. He has savings and no debt. Remind me again what the problem is? Sure you can break up with him, it's your life; go in search of an alpha over-achiever who's made his first million by the time he's 30....I do not get his mentality, sorry. Why? What would be so wrong with being equal partners in life?

    Does anyone on this planet care about love anymore? Or is it all about the job, the house, the car and ability to provide?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    We're each entitled to our own list of things that are important to us, and it makes no sense to latch onto a bad match in the hope that they'll transform themselves into a good match.

    Most people are NOT our match. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds. If you don't grasp that this is true for everyone, you'll allow fear of scarcity to drive your decisions--and that's how people settle for lousy matches just to avoid being alone.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    We're each entitled to our own list of things that are important to us, and it makes no sense to latch onto a bad match in the hope that they'll transform themselves into a good match.

    Most people are NOT our match. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds. If you don't grasp that this is true for everyone, you'll allow fear of scarcity to drive your decisions--and that's how people settle for lousy matches just to avoid being alone.
    I agree. You want someone who matches you well in ambition and goals and work ethic. So did I by the way and I passed up nice/loyal people who didn't. Nothing to do with $$ - had to do with financial stability as a goal, being ambitious about his work, being well-educated and having career/professional goals. It's not about being a millionaire - if he was an esteemed professor or working in a nonprofit and passionate about his work or at least working towards what would satisfy him in his work (or working at a job to pay the bills but pursuing a hobby/activity that provided that and that you admired/respected) it would be different. You need to have respect and admiration for your partner.

  7. #16
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    I'm hugely put off by very ambitious people who are 'passionate' about what they do for work. To me, work is something that you do in order to be able to feed and clothe yourself, keep a roof above your head plus enjoy what little time you have left to actually live - in the evenings and during weekends/holidays. God knows I hate working with passion and would be gone from my place of work yesterday if my financial situation changed for the better. I just find it very hard to justify passing up a good person whom you love and who loves you back because he doesn't have ambition/ this mega job that's his reason for being on the planet.To each their own.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Metaltwin70
    'Do I wait to find out if he does have ambition or do I move on and find someone else? The thing is I know I am not perfect. And if I give him up I may find someone who has a great job but has some other hang up. Then I may end up looking for the perfect someone that doesnt exist.

    He is not some moocher btw without a job. He does equally contribute as he does have savings and no debt.'



    ______________

    So to sum it up, you've got a decent bloke who loves you and whom you love back. He has a degree. He works (no, I don't care what he does or how much he gets paid. He works). He's not mooching off you. He is looking for a better higher paid job. He has savings and no debt. Remind me again what the problem is? Sure you can break up with him, it's your life; go in search of an alpha over-achiever who's made his first million by the time he's 30....I do not get his mentality, sorry. Why? What would be so wrong with being equal partners in life?

    Does anyone on this planet care about love anymore? Or is it all about the job, the house, the car and ability to provide?
    Where did she say he was looking for a better job? Love does not pay the bills, unless she chooses to support him.This is reality.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Metaltwin70
    I'm hugely put off by very ambitious people who are 'passionate' about what they do for work. To me, work is something that you do in order to be able to feed and clothe yourself, keep a roof above your head plus enjoy what little time you have left to actually live - in the evenings and during weekends/holidays. God knows I hate working with passion and would be gone from my place of work yesterday if my financial situation changed for the better. I just find it very hard to justify passing up a good person whom you love and who loves you back because he doesn't have ambition/ this mega job that's his reason for being on the planet.To each their own.
    Then why don't you do something you enjoy?

    He quit the dead end job because he hated it. Not very responsible to leave a job without another prospect.

    "I'm hugely put off by very ambitious people who are 'passionate' about what they do for work." This is an odd comment. What is your job?

  10. #19
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    '..Then why don't you do something you enjoy? '

    Because I'm too old to start from scratch, have been doing the same old thing for the last 25 years and have to feed and clothe myself and keep a roof above my head?

    I'd give anything to be able to quit my job, to quit working all together. I have no ambition whatsoever and given a choice would absolutely NOT work - there isn't anything that I'd 'enjoy' doing for work. That's why I get where he's coming from and that's why I find it unbelievable that this is even an issue. All I've ever wanted in life is for a man I'm with to share all expenses equally. What they do, to me, has nothing whatsoever to do with what they are. He can be a bin man for all I care. As long as he's a kind and decent human being, as long as I love him - truly love him, as long as he loves me back just as much and as long as we share all expenses.

  11. #20
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    It's not odd to me at all. I have a 'very good on paper' responsible, secure and adequately paid office job which means nothing whatsoever to me - I've been with my (global multinational) company for over 8 years and leaving is not an option, sadly. As far as I'm concerned, living to work is a waste of life. I'm surrounded by massively ambitious six-figure earning go-getters 9 to 5, every day and honestly.. I just do not get them, I do not get why one would choose to bust their behind all day every day so that they could have a bigger house or a better car or a fancy job title. As I said, to each their own.
    Last edited by Metaltwin70; 01-17-2019 at 11:48 AM.

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