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Thread: Next steps

  1. #141
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    Batya, I really respect your opinion but do you think you can refrain from saying things like ".. taking the easy way out behind a screen."

    I don't view it that way, as the "easy" way out. Behind a screen or otherwise.

    It's my preference, it's how I best communicate. Fortunately my boyfriends agree.

    Thank you!!

  2. #142
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Batya, I really respect your opinion but do you think you can refrain from saying things like ".. taking the easy way out behind a screen."

    I don't view it that way, as the "easy" way out. Behind a screen or otherwise.

    It's my preference, it's how I best communicate. Fortunately my boyfriends agree.

    Thank you!!
    Yup - just my opinion and it's how I've always seen that way of approaching difficult topics with a romantic partner (certainly if there is fear of abuse, etc or outside the committed partner realm I get it -it's for safety!).
    I've seen many people communicate behind a screen because it's easier for them and that is their priority. And had it done to me and I've done it to others.. Sorry if I offended and glad you've found boyfriends who are comfortable with that kind of communication! The OP is talking about marriage and family and that is one reason why I'm suggesting to her not to type about important topics -different from having a boyfriend especially when a child is involved -if she lives with someone and parents with them they have to be able to communicate effectively and respectfully and happily in person especially if they want that level of intimacy. Intimacy can be messy and awkward including close communication. And to me it's essential to make that effort if closeness is desired and a healthy marriage/family.
    Last edited by Batya33; 03-26-2019 at 06:22 PM.

  3. #143
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    If he's been jobless for this long who pays for the food and entertainment costs? Does he flat, is he living off his savings?


    I'm sorry but I could never date a guy who's jobless. If they're between jobs, if they have a rough patch it's diff but if he's always been lazy and a dead weight... HELL NO.

  4. #144
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately he's right. Stop micromanaging him.
    Originally Posted by deedee911
    him: This was never my plan.

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  6. #145
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    Hi all, I just wanted to provide an update. My boyfriend (yes, we did not break up) got hired to work for a company and is getting paid literally 3 times what he got paid when we met. I am just saying this because i chose to stay with him and we both got blessed with this job he got. It is the perfect opportunity to take the next step in our life and start a family. There were a lot of people on here skeptical and telling me to break up with him immediately. All I needed was advice on how to arrive at my decision instead I got told to dump his sorry ass. Well I am very very glad I didnt.

  7. #146
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    You were not blessed with his new high paying job. Youíre not married, so you have no ownership over it.

    But Iím glad heís doing better. I would recommend holding off on kids until you have a more secure commitment.

  8. #147
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    Originally Posted by deedee911
    Hi all, I just wanted to provide an update. My boyfriend (yes, we did not break up) got hired to work for a company and is getting paid literally 3 times what he got paid when we met. I am just saying this because i chose to stay with him and we both got blessed with this job he got. It is the perfect opportunity to take the next step in our life and start a family. There were a lot of people on here skeptical and telling me to break up with him immediately. All I needed was advice on how to arrive at my decision instead I got told to dump his sorry ass. Well I am very very glad I didnt.
    Congratulations to him on his accomplishment and best of luck with his new job. I wasn't clear at all that your issue was just his salary -if it were I would have had a different reaction. You seem very excited that he now makes three times what he made before. Hopefully he doesn't have to work three times as hard/have a lot of increased stress - so hopefully he is blessed with that as well. I've seen all permutations of that in my 20 plus years of working (and being a recruiter for a small part of that).

    I would never ever tell anyone to "dump' a person or think of them as a "sorry ass" - I saw that you two might not have compatible values and that perhaps you'd be better separating.

  9. #148
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    Well, OP, YOU were the one who called his business idea "stupid " and "a joke". We didn't.

    But I'm glad you're happy.

  10. #149
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Well, OP, YOU were the one who called his business idea "stupid " and "a joke". We didn't.

    But I'm glad you're happy.
    This is what you wrote about your partner:

    "Where is that business now? Ha! It was a pipe dream. He sold me on a pipe dream and now 7 months later I look back and think I fell for it. Not like he was lying . But now I feel disenchanted. That he told me something and I held on to it. I wouldn't have gone for him had it not been for that business. Now he is looking for a job. Sales jobs whatever that pays a higher salary because he knows I deserve better and that he wants to provide a good life for us."


    So am I right in connecting the dots that he has taken this job based on salary and not because it involves what he is interested in/passionate about? My husband took a pay cut to pursue his passion 20 years ago. Thank goodness he did. And-- since his passion is high paying too -- $ is a non-issue for him. And a non-issue for me because I built my nest egg all by myself through hard work (which you said you value) so I wasn't looking to him to be a sole provider -even when he was, I contributed out of my investments as needed. I can see another kind of person looking down on him because he took a significant paycut to pursue his dream, what he was interested in. I didn't. The opposite. I'm concerned that if your boyfriend took this job to make you happy with the increased $ that he might not make himself happy long term.

  11. #150
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by deedee911
    Hi all, I just wanted to provide an update. My boyfriend (yes, we did not break up) got hired to work for a company and is getting paid literally 3 times what he got paid when we met. I am just saying this because i chose to stay with him and we both got blessed with this job he got. It is the perfect opportunity to take the next step in our life and start a family. There were a lot of people on here skeptical and telling me to break up with him immediately. All I needed was advice on how to arrive at my decision instead I got told to dump his sorry ass. Well I am very very glad I didnt.
    Glad you are happy with his decision.... hopefully he is too!

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