All excited for her to now be unavailable

Hey guys. This place helped me a lot over a terrible toxic breakup about two years ago and I finally just recently opened my heart up for dating again. I've been playing rec sports with this girl for a while and recently asked if she wanted to hang out. She agreed and we went out to see a show with a few of her friends.

It was great and we ended up leaving her friends and going to another bar for the rest of the night before going our separate ways. She text me when she got home saying she had a great time and hoped we could do it again some time.

Next day I used this as a chance to ask her out and told her I'd love to take her out again later in the week. She suggested Friday, great, it's a date! (so I thought)

So today she texted me out of the blue just saying she's not dating and wanted to be honest and thanked me for understanding. She said she still wants to go out though!

I am really interested in her, I told her this and said I'm disappointed because I think a lot of her but I appreciated her honesty. What's my next step here? Is it worth trying to change her mind if I'm really interested in her (or is that just a fantasy!). She obviously wants to spend time with me but maybe is not interested in connecting on the level that I am. Going out as friends doesn't particularly appeal to me as I feel like I would be holding back some feelings that I developed for her over the last few months.

I also feel awkward telling her no I don't want to see her anymore because I know I'm going to be on the same teams as her come the spring!

Any advice would be welcome!

Okay.. so.. the good thing is she wants to spend time with you and enjoys your time.

The bad thing is she doesn't see you "like that" currently but that's okay.

There are 2 ways you can go here and different people will tell you to go either of these ways: 1) to say "no.. i just can't see you as a friend" and cut it off a bit and dial it back and let her come to you. or 2) to keep having fun with her and don't say anything about "its okay if were friend" or anythign like that, just keep having a good time.

My recent experience has been, if you aren't in such a hurry to be in a relationship and make everythign have to be "relationship-like" - gals pretty quickly start to make it relationship-like and see you as a relationship person. The more I have made it about being a relationship the more pushback i've gotten and less success. But I've also heard some people have success with "no.. i just can't see you as just a friend" and dialing it back so that you put the onus on the other person to decide if they want to lose you over it.

I know what has been more successful for me - to just continue having a good time and not put a label on us at all (be it friends-only or more-than-friends). but that is not the typical way most people would go or would tell ou to go.

Good luck...

Sorry this happened. It sounds like she's trying to friendzone you. You can be friends but pull back and start considering dating other girls. Don't buzz around her and get hurt.

 

So today she texted me out of the blue just saying she's not dating and wanted to be honest and thanked me for understanding. She said she still wants to go out though!Going out as friends doesn't particularly appeal to me as I feel like I would be holding back some feelings that I developed for her over the last few months.

 

Next day I used this as a chance to ask her out and told her I'd love to take her out again later in the week. She suggested Friday, great, it's a date! (so I thought)

 

So today she texted me out of the blue just saying she's not dating and wanted to be honest and thanked me for understanding. She said she still wants to go out though!

She got caught up in the moment and agreed to another date. After giving it some thought, she wanted to make sure you knew that nothing romantic was going to come out of it. She asked if you agreed to her terms.

You have two choices. You can go out just this once as friends or do exactly what she did, give it some thought and tell her it isn't something you are interested in doing at this time and thank her for understanding. She confidently asserted her needs without second guessing how it came off. You can do the same.

Yeah, don’t do the friend zone thing if you want more from her. You’ll just end up hurting yourself. Thankfully it was only one date and it didn’t get to a serious point yet.

Sorry this happened. It sounds like she's trying to friendzone you. You can be friends but pull back and start considering dating other girls. Don't buzz around her and get hurt.

She got caught up in the moment and agreed to another date. After giving it some thought, she wanted to make sure you knew that nothing romantic was going to come out of it. She asked if you agreed to her terms.

 

You have two choices. You can go out just this once as friends or do exactly what she did, give it some thought and tell her it isn't something you are interested in doing at this time and thank her for understanding. She confidently asserted her needs without second guessing how it came off. You can do the same.

Yeah, don’t do the friend zone thing if you want more from her. You’ll just end up hurting yourself. Thankfully it was only one date and it didn’t get to a serious point yet.

So my best and most fulfilling relationship actually started while I had been seemingly friendzoned with a girl. We would just hang out often and eventually she had feelings for me and we were together. I'm going to go out with her as planned and just keep my expectations extremely low and try to have fun. Thanks for the advice.

She got caught up in the moment and agreed to another date. After giving it some thought, she wanted to make sure you knew that nothing romantic was going to come out of it. She asked if you agreed to her terms.

 

You have two choices. You can go out just this once as friends or do exactly what she did, give it some thought and tell her it isn't something you are interested in doing at this time and thank her for understanding. She confidently asserted her needs without second guessing how it came off. You can do the same.

I am fully on board with this post.

My thought is that if she's really not all that interested in a romantic relationship with you, avoid a lot of one-on-one "meets." Maintain your friendship through this group and and plan outings with friends. Sure, you can do some one-on-ones, but that's only if you've let go of the idea of being a couple. Existing as an orbiter will poke away at you, especially when you catch wind she's dating someone else, and this won't be forthcoming because she knows your feelings for her...you'll find out about it through other people or social media.

You already made plans, and you can follow through, see how it goes, and then assert your own boundaries, and thank her for her understanding, just as she did.

Don't be an orbiter. Don't hang out in the friendzone expecting different results. She made her peace. She won't change her mind.

Ii is disrespectful not to listen to what people are telling you. She is not interested in anything more than friends.

If you don't think you can be friends, then don't go out.

Ii is disrespectful not to listen to what people are telling you. She is not interested in anything more than friends.

 

If you don't think you can be friends, then don't go out.

This was my initial thought but I got caught up when she was telling me she was still hopeful we could go out as planned. I don't want her to think I wasn't interested in hanging out with her if there was nothing 'extra' because that's not true, I enjoy spending time with her. I especially don't want her thinking that when I know I'm going to continue seeing her for a while.

hrb23. Somebody at some point said a weird thing on my social media (not to me.. but just in general). He said, "if guys could just learn to see girls as friends, instead of just people to dat and have sex with, they'll see what they been missing out on."

i scoffed at it but... i implemented it recently as I wanted to take a break from dating. now.. 'im going out multiple times a week. seems i have multiple people i'm seeing and "dating" with this approach. And a weird thing, because i'm not pushing as much, they ARE! (the one person i pushed pulled back FAR and i learned my lesson and stopped pushign with her.. which made her start initiating more..)

weirdly enough.. that weird little comment on social media has changed my social/dating life.

I think if you're okay being just friends, then you should do so.

My very first long term bf started out as just a friend, and one night we were out together, had some wine, he kissed me and pow!

We dated for four years after that night.

So yeah feelings can change, I just would not rely on that happening; but again if you're truly okay being just friends, then I think that is OK, so long as you're being 100% honest with yourself about that and not expecting or even hoping for more, cause it may not happen.