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No guys want to see me again


Boo1986

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I have been online dating for a while with not much success I can't seem to get past a first date like ever!. Its really depressing and makes me want to give up but i also want to find love. Examples of last 3 dates I went on (all from online dating)

 

Date 1. Met and had fish and chips and two drinks, When i was leaving he said i could go back to his house and watch movies I declined, when i got home he message me saying if i want to come round I'm more then welcome, I didn't as I'm not a booty call. The next day he text me "we are so different people this won't go anywhere sorry"

 

Date 2. We went for a walk and lunch, he seemed nice, after date he text me " I had a lovely time i wanted to kiss you but to shy" then asked a few times when we could catch up ( i was working all week opposite to him) I said sat afternoon he seemed keen and then i don't here from him again until sat night saying "he was in my area but didn't hear from me so we didn't meet up" he sent a few more texts saying i was pretty and just general flirting now he's stopped messaging me.

 

Date 3. Went for a juice and a walk, I ended date he said he had a great time and wants to do it again, I sent him a message saying "thanks for juice was nice to meet you would be nice to do it again" he replies saying "Yes lovely to meet you and we must definitely do it again and that ill have to come check out his house" then i said "yes would be nice blah blah blah' then he said "let me know what day or weekend you have free so we can hangout" so i did a few days later said "i have wed free if you want to do anything" he replied saying "yes would be nice and suggested things for us to do" then the night before cancelled saying he had to work and no rescheduling.

 

I feel like a total loser. These are guys i wasn't even attracted to in the first place but though never to judge a book by its cover and they don't even like me so i feel like i mist have to drop my standards even more but if i do that i would rather be alone.

I don't know what to do????

 

I might add I do have a big nose for a girl, but don't feel like i need to state that in my online dating profile, Ive had bfs before whom it doesn't bother and are still attracted to me.

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Hey boo! Well first of all, I don't want to put you off, but online dating is pretty brutal and I think the success rate is fairly low (sorry). My best friend is single and she's really pretty, slim, educated and works as a social worker. In the last two years she's been on dates with about fourty guys. Some of them she had maybe 2, 3, 4 dates with but she never ended up seeing anyone longer than that. It was either that she wasn't into them or they weren't into her. She does get disillusioned with online dating and I have told her that if she wants to continue doing it, she needs to have thicker skin and not take rejection personally. That's the advice I would give to you as well.

 

No offence but you've only had dates with three guys or a few guys from online, that's nothing as far as online dating goes! Sometimes when I had dates from online, I never heard from them at all after that first date. At least you heard from all those guys again and one did say you were nice and pretty. People wouldn't usually lie and say you're pretty if they don't think that.

 

I probably wouldn't worry about the first guy at all because it was really clear he was just desperate to get sex because he messaged you twice asking to come over, even though you turned him down the first time. The other guys probably saw nothing wrong with you and maybe were considering catching up again, but maybe they were also going on dates with other people and they liked someone else. Or maybe they just didn't feel a spark, a click, whatever you wanna call it. I mean, you say you weren't even really attracted to those guys, so why waste your time or theirs even seeing them again?

 

I think you can continue doing online dating but just have low expectations. Maybe try to organise a fun activity you like and they might like, so that even if you never see them again, at least you enjoyed the activity. E.g. I love festivals so if I went on a date to a festival then I could still have a good time even if I never see the guy again.

 

Don't forget though to use real life to meet guys too because it's usually more effective. Maybe try singles parties, speed dating, social groups and events (e.g. Meetups). And always take an opportunity to go to things your friends and family invite you to because you literally never know who might be there. I'd met all my previous partners at events or through friends.

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Hey boo! Well first of all, I don't want to put you off, but online dating is pretty brutal and I think the success rate is fairly low (sorry). My best friend is single and she's really pretty, slim, educated and works as a social worker. In the last two years she's been on dates with about fourty guys. Some of them she had maybe 2, 3, 4 dates with but she never ended up seeing anyone longer than that. It was either that she wasn't into them or they weren't into her. She does get disillusioned with online dating and I have told her that if she wants to continue doing it, she needs to have thicker skin and not take rejection personally. That's the advice I would give to you as well.

 

No offence but you've only had dates with three guys or a few guys from online, that's nothing as far as online dating goes! Sometimes when I had dates from online, I never heard from them at all after that first date. At least you heard from all those guys again and one did say you were nice and pretty. People wouldn't usually lie and say you're pretty if they don't think that.

 

I probably wouldn't worry about the first guy at all because it was really clear he was just desperate to get sex because he messaged you twice asking to come over, even though you turned him down the first time. The other guys probably saw nothing wrong with you and maybe were considering catching up again, but maybe they were also going on dates with other people and they liked someone else. Or maybe they just didn't feel a spark, a click, whatever you wanna call it. I mean, you say you weren't even really attracted to those guys, so why waste your time or theirs even seeing them again?

 

I think you can continue doing online dating but just have low expectations. Maybe try to organise a fun activity you like and they might like, so that even if you never see them again, at least you enjoyed the activity. E.g. I love festivals so if I went on a date to a festival then I could still have a good time even if I never see the guy again.

 

Don't forget though to use real life to meet guys too because it's usually more effective. Maybe try singles parties, speed dating, social groups and events (e.g. Meetups). And always take an opportunity to go to things your friends and family invite you to because you literally never know who might be there. I'd met all my previous partners at events or through friends.

 

Thanks for your reply, Yeh i think i do need to thicken my skin if I'm to continue dating online. And i guess i chose these guys because they seemed nice online and not my usual type so thought why not. Its just so hard to not take it personally :(

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Online dating and dating in general is just like this. Most dates won't lead to nothing. Also, the first guy was just interested in sex so it wasn't the right person for you and you did well not going to his place and having boundaries. The other 2 are nothing out of the ordinary. They're interested to meet but by some reason the momentum didn't keep going. Especially if people are busy or multidating, they won't follow up on many dates. With online dating the dating pool expands a lot and so people don't really stick to one date right from the start Don't take it personally, it's not about you but the nature of dating instead. Don't go with many expectations and just take it as a meet to evaluate if it's a match or not. You're not under their control. You're evaluating and deciding too.

 

Or take it like practice. I also had many dates that didn't follow through and since I'm shy and introverted, I changed the perspective and took these dates as opportunity to practice my social skills and get out of my comfort zone.

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You are getting dates so there is a lot that is going right. One-and-done is the typical landscape of online dating, unfortunately. Keep in mind they are meets, not dates and like you everyone is meeting a bunch of people at once.

 

What apps are you using? Are you using at least one high quality serious (paid) app? or just free apps? Make sure your profile has recent flattering accurate pics and at least one facial and one body photo. Also make sure your profile is written in an upbeat fashion. Exude more confidence on dates. Dress nice, smile be friendly and upbeat. Make sure you are happy with your clothes, hair, makeup etc and if not get those updated and get makeup tips and clothes tips and a flattering hairstyle.

 

There are a few strategies you can employ that may cut down on wear and tear. Be organised and resolute. Do not have more than one drink on a first meet. Do not text this much before or after the meet. However be prompt in your replies and skip the "get back to you" routine as that is often seen as code for "no thanks".

 

If interested express your interest and follow through. If you offer a time for a second date then participate and follow up with a time, place, day and confirmation. Make sure you make definite plans and do not say things like "if you want to do something" or anything that is just hanging out.

all from online dating)

 

Date 1. Met and had fish and chips and two drinks

Date 2. I said sat afternoon he seemed keen and then i don't here from him again until sat night saying "he was in my area but didn't hear from me so we didn't meet up"

Date 3. he said "let me know what day or weekend you have free so we can hangout" so i did a few days later said "i have wed free if you want to do anything" he replied saying "yes would be nice and suggested things for us to do" then the night before cancelled saying he had to work and no rescheduling.

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Online dating and dating in general is just like this. Most dates won't lead to nothing. Also, the first guy was just interested in sex so it wasn't the right person for you and you did well not going to his place and having boundaries. The other 2 are nothing out of the ordinary. They're interested to meet but by some reason the momentum didn't keep going. Especially if people are busy or multidating, they won't follow up on many dates. With online dating the dating pool expands a lot and so people don't really stick to one date right from the start Don't take it personally, it's not about you but the nature of dating instead. Don't go with many expectations and just take it as a meet to evaluate if it's a match or not. You're not under their control. You're evaluating and deciding too.

 

Or take it like practice. I also had many dates that didn't follow through and since I'm shy and introverted, I changed the perspective and took these dates as opportunity to practice my social skills and get out of my comfort zone.

 

To be honest I was so bored on date number 2 i was shocked that he even wanted to see me again, let alone kiss me. Im very shy and introverted too but on dates i tend to talk a lot because i am so shy but i think a lot of what I'm saying is just rubbish trying to get them to talk or fill the empty silences when there is some. I guess thats another three i can cross off the list, lol.

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You are getting dates so there is a lot that is going right. One-and-done is the typical landscape of online dating, unfortunately. Keep in mind they are meets, not dates and like you everyone is meeting a bunch of people at once.

 

What apps are you using? Are you using at least one high quality serious (paid) app? or just free apps? Make sure your profile has recent flattering accurate pics and at least one facial and one body photo. Also make sure your profile is written in an upbeat fashion. Exude more confidence on dates. Dress nice, smile be friendly and upbeat. Make sure you are happy with your clothes, hair, makeup etc and if not get those updated and get makeup tips and clothes tips and a flattering hairstyle.

 

There are a few strategies you can employ that may cut down on wear and tear. Be organised and resolute. Do not have more than one drink on a first meet. Do not text this much before or after the meet. However be prompt in your replies and skip the "get back to you" routine as that is often seen as code for "no thanks".

 

If interested express your interest and follow through. If you offer a time for a second date then participate and follow up with a time, place, day and confirmation. Make sure you make definite plans and do not say things like "if you want to do something" or anything that is just hanging out.

 

Im just using POF i live in a small town so I've had a look at the paid apps and its all the same people that are on the free one so i don't think that will make a difference. I personally thought all three dates went on for too long but didn't know how to end them without being rude, the second date guy said "your not going to leave now and never see me again are you?" so i felt like i had to stay another hour. I try to take people for face value and when they say something generally try to believe them but it seems like everything is coded and has alternative meanings. With the third guy I thought if he was not interested he could of just said "I'm working wednesday sorry" to begin with instead of planning stuff and sounded excited. Ive only just restarted dating and am already tempted to give up..

If i don't text much first how will i know if they are worth meeting though?

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How long are these first meets? Make sure you set up the first meet to be brief. Simply state that you have to go. POF is a relatively low quality site. Never reactive an old account or use old profile or pics, even on a hit or miss low quality site such as POF.

 

What do you mean "worth meeting"? You have to meet them to know if they are "worth meeting", because you can only determine in person if you want to pursue anything. Keep texting to a minimum before meeting and set up meets asap and use texting to set up the meets, not to chitchat or build rapport.

 

Set up a very brief coffee or one drink meet and then decide if you want a second date or not. Also say nice to meet you thanks etc but only indicate interest in a second date if you are interested. If your old or current dating style isn't satisfying or working, why vehemently stick to it but then complain?

Im just using POF I personally thought all three dates went on for too long but didn't know how to end them without being rude Ive only just restarted dating and am already tempted to give up..

If i don't text much first how will i know if they are worth meeting though?

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It sounds to me like your not putting much energy or anything into any of the dates. I don't think the problem is your looks, you seem to think these guys are focused on your physical appearance but that's not the problem at all. Most of these profiles have pictures attached, so the guys already know what they are getting into when they agreed to date you.

 

The problem is your attitude, your low energy and barely investing any effort into meeting these men again. Guys aren't stupid we read body language, I will generally just ghost a girl if their isn't any chemistry at all. Usually I am very aggressive, but most guys who are doing online dating aren't, many of them are shy and nerdy introvert types who probably don't have a lot of experience with women.

 

They will either think you are not interested, which it seems you are not. Or they will think you are interested but they will also be weighing their options, wondering if the future dates will lead to anything. From the looks of it, no, so they move on.

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It sounds to me like your not putting much energy or anything into any of the dates. I don't think the problem is your looks, you seem to think these guys are focused on your physical appearance but that's not the problem at all. Most of these profiles have pictures attached, so the guys already know what they are getting into when they agreed to date you.

 

The problem is your attitude, your low energy and barely investing any effort into meeting these men again. Guys aren't stupid we read body language, I will generally just ghost a girl if their isn't any chemistry at all. Usually I am very aggressive, but most guys who are doing online dating aren't, many of them are shy and nerdy introvert types who probably don't have a lot of experience with women.

 

They will either think you are not interested, which it seems you are not. Or they will think you are interested but they will also be weighing their options, wondering if the future dates will lead to anything. From the looks of it, no, so they move on.

 

I start off with high energy but its hard to maintain when they don't give you much to work with, the second guy was so nervous he was just giving one word responses and towards the end he started to open up and talk more (after three hours) but by then i was exhausted and just wanted to get home to see my dog! I was definitely not going to see him again, but then when he kept asking to arrange another date thought maybe he was super shy like he said and he might be more relaxed on a second date but alas that didn't happen, which in hind site is probably good thing. Hopefully when i meet someone and there is chemistry we will both be on the same page!

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How long are these first meets? Make sure you set up the first meet to be brief. Simply state that you have to go. POF is a relatively low quality site. Never reactive an old account or use old profile or pics, even on a hit or miss low quality site such as POF.

 

What do you mean "worth meeting"? You have to meet them to know if they are "worth meeting", because you can only determine in person if you want to pursue anything. Keep texting to a minimum before meeting and set up meets asap and use texting to set up the meets, not to chitchat or build rapport.

 

Set up a very brief coffee or one drink meet and then decide if you want a second date or not. Also say nice to meet you thanks etc but only indicate interest in a second date if you are interested. If your old or current dating style isn't satisfying or working, why vehemently stick to it but then complain?

 

I would like them to be an hour max but they have gone for about three hours, they keep suggesting other walks to do etc so i just go along with it, i think we are both too polite to wrap it up. But now i have learnt to set a time limit on them, otherwise i could be wasting a lot of time in future on people i have no intention of seeing again and vice versa. That is true, A lot of people are completely different in text message to real life. I guess i should ask the important questions before i decide to meet up. I can be quite shy so don't want to just meet heaps of random guys, id rather try to weed out the ones that seem decent first. But it seems like most of them want sex really quickly, even when it says "looking for a relationship"

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I'm leaning in the direction of Delacrank. Your descriptions make it seem like you're putting very little effort or energy into these dates/meetings, so it makes me wonder if this is flowing into the atmosphere. You also state these guys really aren't your "type" and then you state you're afraid you'll have to "drop your standards even lower." You don't seem very excited or into them at all, and this will be recognized. When the guy asked you "multiple times" about seeing you again, did you express your work schedule difficulties right away, or did you brush him off until you finally decided Saturday could work for you? Do you consistently wait and respond "a few days later"? It's wise to stay away from too much texting and not enough meeting, but with these new relationships, you also don't want to lose that momentum and being totally absent for a few days isn't tipping the scales in your direction.

 

Remember, these guys are also online dating and probably have been for awhile, so they've learned when to back off or they have their own fears about pursuing someone who is sort of only half in it, if at all, or who doesn't respond for days or gives excuses, or is "always busy," etc. (I'm not considering the first guy) You need to put in a little effort and enthusiasm if you think you'd like a second date. You just don't seem very excited with you "lowering your standards" and stating you weren't all that attracted to them in the first place, so I don't know what exactly you're expecting.

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It sounds to me like your not putting much energy or anything into any of the dates. I don't think the problem is your looks, you seem to think these guys are focused on your physical appearance but that's not the problem at all. Most of these profiles have pictures attached, so the guys already know what they are getting into when they agreed to date you.

 

The problem is your attitude, your low energy and barely investing any effort into meeting these men again. Guys aren't stupid we read body language, I will generally just ghost a girl if their isn't any chemistry at all. Usually I am very aggressive, but most guys who are doing online dating aren't, many of them are shy and nerdy introvert types who probably don't have a lot of experience with women.

 

They will either think you are not interested, which it seems you are not. Or they will think you are interested but they will also be weighing their options, wondering if the future dates will lead to anything. From the looks of it, no, so they move on.

 

I totally agree with all of this! I think a lot of women have been brought up to think that it's men that are always supposed to chase them and contact them. Women don't want to seem too eager or too desperate so they actually overkill it and don't contact guys at all or end up actually seeming disinterested and unavailable. Unfortunately this is the case even with women who are millenials, not just older women. I'm generally a confident woman and I made a move on most people I dated myself, but they were into me too so it worked out for me.

 

I think you need to find a middle ground between seeming desperate and disinterested, which I know is not always easy. I think after a date, if you want to see the guy again, it's OK to text him yourself and say you had a nice time and you'd like to catch up again. If you get no reply then of course just leave it and move on, but you may get a reply.

 

If a guy texts you after a date and asks when you might be free, don't say "I'll get back to you" and only get back to him in like 2-3 days. That makes it seem like you're not interested and also they are trying to organise their week so they might make other plans, they're not just sitting there freeing up their whole schedule just for you. I think dating is very much about being in the right place at the right time (and with the right person of course). So you need to make sure you act in the moment and don't drag things out. If you were applying for jobs and a job called you and invited you for a job interview, you wouldn't say "let me get back to you later". Because then other people would go to the job interview and would get the job. So while you're not getting back to that guy, he may be messaging other girls and going on dates with other girls.

 

Also if you're not even attracted to a guy then why are you messaging them and saying you want to see them again? I don't think you could force attraction so maybe you should just not worry about them and start contacting other guys and having more dates. Find guys on online dating and message the ones you like yourself. It's the 21st century so throw gender roles out the window and go get 'em gurl!!

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This is exactly the type of thing to avoid to prevent burn-out. Make first meets brief, not pity dates or alternatives to boredom. It's not on him that you didn't excuse yourself earlier than dragging it out three hours.

 

Especially do not waste time during or after a meet if you are not interested. Be polite, wrap it up excuse yourself. That's it. All you can change in this is what you do and how you manage it. The nature of one-and-done and online dating in general is what it is so you'll have to come up with a more efficient simplified approach that prevents wasting your and everybody's time like this or contributes to your and everyone's stress and frustration like this.

the second guy was so nervous he was just giving one word responses and towards the end he started to open up and talk more (after three hours) but by then i was exhausted and just wanted to get home to see my dog! I was definitely not going to see him again
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I'm leaning in the direction of Delacrank. Your descriptions make it seem like you're putting very little effort or energy into these dates/meetings, so it makes me wonder if this is flowing into the atmosphere. You also state these guys really aren't your "type" and then you state you're afraid you'll have to "drop your standards even lower." You don't seem very excited or into them at all, and this will be recognized. When the guy asked you "multiple times" about seeing you again, did you express your work schedule difficulties right away, or did you brush him off until you finally decided Saturday could work for you? Do you consistently wait and respond "a few days later"? It's wise to stay away from too much texting and not enough meeting, but with these new relationships, you also don't want to lose that momentum and being totally absent for a few days isn't tipping the scales in your direction.

 

Remember, these guys are also online dating and probably have been for awhile, so they've learned when to back off or they have their own fears about pursuing someone who is sort of only half in it, if at all, or who doesn't respond for days or gives excuses, or is "always busy," etc. (I'm not considering the first guy) You need to put in a little effort and enthusiasm if you think you'd like a second date. You just don't seem very excited with you "lowering your standards" and stating you weren't all that attracted to them in the first place, so I don't know what exactly you're expecting.

 

I get what you are saying, I was excited to meet the second guy but in person he was just so boring, I think via text he would always take 30min to reply because he had the time to think of a decent answer but in real life there was no humour or even attempt at humour, so when he asked me at the end of our date "when can he see me again" i said "umm just text me" because i didn't know what to say. I did respond in a timely manner to his texts, i just said i was busy and couldn't see him for another week, then he would ask again and id say nicely that i was busy but could maybe see him sat afternoon, I guess it does sound like i was just squeezing him in...

In response to lowering my standards, i thought if i date guys who i don't find attractive they may be decent in other ways (job, loyal etc). My exes i did find attractive but they were wrong in so many other ways so thought i would try a different approach ...

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Trust me, Boo, it's like this for the majority of people, no matter what you look like.

 

Finding someone who is worthwhile or worth seeing a second time, is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

It is hard for everyone.

 

I have no doubt that people get dates but 90%+ lead to nowhere.

 

It's not easy so try to not take it personally. Finding love can be very difficult. Take a break from it if you need to, but don't give up.

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I think you need to find a middle ground between seeming desperate and disinterested, which I know is not always easy. I think after a date, if you want to see the guy again, it's OK to text him yourself and say you had a nice time and you'd like to catch up again. If you get no reply then of course just leave it and move on, but you may get a reply.

 

If a guy texts you after a date and asks when you might be free, don't say "I'll get back to you" and only get back to him in like 2-3 days. That makes it seem like you're not interested and also they are trying to organise their week so they might make other plans, they're not just sitting there freeing up their whole schedule just for you. I think dating is very much about being in the right place at the right time (and with the right person of course). So you need to make sure you act in the moment and don't drag things out. If you were applying for jobs and a job called you and invited you for a job interview, you wouldn't say "let me get back to you later". Because then other people would go to the job interview and would get the job. So while you're not getting back to that guy, he may be messaging other girls and going on dates with other girls.

 

Also if you're not even attracted to a guy then why are you messaging them and saying you want to see them again? I don't think you could force attraction so maybe you should just not worry about them and start contacting other guys and having more dates. Find guys on online dating and message the ones you like yourself. It's the 21st century so throw gender roles out the window and go get 'em gurl!!

 

With the third guy I did message him and say when i was free and he sounded so keen in his response organising where we could go etc and what i might like to do then randomly cancelled, he did say he couldn't do the day but he could do the evening instead but i had to work the next day early so it was no good, so for that i don't think I'm to blame. I know you can't force attraction but i thought maybe if they have a nice personality the attraction will follow, I don't want to choose the "hot" guys because they will have all the girls after them and would rather choose someone on other qualities besides there appearance. One of these guys was really arty (like me) and the other one was into gardening and landscaping and both loved cats so i thought we would have a good common bond...

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Trust me, Boo, it's like this for the majority of people, no matter what you look like.

 

Finding someone who is worthwhile or worth seeing a second time, is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

It is hard for everyone.

 

I have no doubt that people get dates but 90%+ lead to nowhere.

 

It's not easy so try to not take it personally. Finding love can be very difficult. Take a break from it if you need to, but don't give up.

Oh really? A guy i work with is madly in love and vice versa with the first girl he's met from offline, so lucky for them!

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Oh really? A guy i work with is madly in love and vice versa with the first girl he's met from offline, so lucky for them!

 

Some people get it lucky the first time around, but most people get through several dates that don't span out into anything.I have a friend whose second guy she met on tinder and second online date ever became her husband. While me and most of my single friends have had many dates and most of them don't get to anything more than 3 dates if so much. But I'd say it goes both ways. I (and I assume you) also had dates with guys that didn't seem to have nothing wrong but somehow I didn't get the interest to go further with or simply "forgot" and went my way. Some of them I can't even explain why. I also had guys with whom the dates seemed great, fun and with great chemistry and I expected more but they vanished. And that's ok. As I said it's better to come without expectations and just enjoy the meet/date.

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I don't want to choose the "hot" guys because they will have all the girls after them and would rather choose someone on other qualities besides there appearance.

 

It's cool guys are like this too. If you're not attracted to someone physically then you're not attracted. Personally, I don't know why you are even doing the online dating thing. I know there are plenty of beautiful women who rarely get approached. Even less now that we live in an age of soy boys and feminine men.

 

If you just put yourself in situations where guys can approach you, at clubs, or social events, meetups, dance classes. Then I am sure you will eventually meet someone in a natural setting and it will be less pressure and stress on both of you.

 

To be honest most of the guys who do online dating are kind of just either looking to get laid, losers or men who have no time to do real dating. You really have to spend a lot of time to meet a quality guy this way, and there's always the possibility that he can be in a relationship.

 

I think if you let your guard down a little bit, and work on your social skills, like making eye contact and smiling and waving. Then guys will approach you more often. Confidence is a really big game changer, good luck I wish you the best.

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It's cool guys are like this too. If you're not attracted to someone physically then you're not attracted. Personally, I don't know why you are even doing the online dating thing. I know there are plenty of beautiful women who rarely get approached. Even less now that we live in an age of soy boys and feminine men.

 

If you just put yourself in situations where guys can approach you, at clubs, or social events, meetups, dance classes. Then I am sure you will eventually meet someone in a natural setting and it will be less pressure and stress on both of you.

 

To be honest most of the guys who do online dating are kind of just either looking to get laid, losers or men who have no time to do real dating. You really have to spend a lot of time to meet a quality guy this way, and there's always the possibility that he can be in a relationship.

 

I think if you let your guard down a little bit, and work on your social skills, like making eye contact and smiling and waving. Then guys will approach you more often. Confidence is a really big game changer, good luck I wish you the best.

 

Yeh i would 100percent rather meet someone in real life then online. I don't go out much socially and when i do see a guy thats nice i get pretty shy and act disinterested, even if I think they are looking at me I feel like maybe someone behind me is hot haha, i don't know why i do it but I've been told i do. But in saying that Im going to work on the things you mentioned, I also believe confidence is key, it can make you see someone in a whole different light. And lack of confidence also can have that effect (in a bad way). I think i focus on the looks aspect of it as all i hear lately is "men are visual creatures x 100" id like to hope thats not entirely true...

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1st person they met online? That is really, really lucky. I've heard loads of stories from friends and on here with not having any luck online.

 

It's not typical at all to meet someone straight away.

 

You normally have to weed through a lot of nonsense before you find the right one.

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I feel like a total loser. These are guys i wasn't even attracted to in the first place but though never to judge a book by its cover and they don't even like me so i feel like i mist have to drop my standards even more but if i do that i would rather be alone.

I don't know what to do????

 

I might add I do have a big nose for a girl, but don't feel like i need to state that in my online dating profile, Ive had bfs before whom it doesn't bother and are still attracted to me.

 

First, don't date people you aren't attracted to. Period.

 

All the above is normal and has nothing to do with you. You're only a loser if you convince yourself of that. Keep in mind the chances of going on a date and finding a suitable mutual match are astronomical. It takes time, patience and perseverance. Try not to care so much about it. Relax. Enjoy the pleasant dates, and shrug of the bad ones.

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Guy one: you're looking for different things. Pass

 

Guy two: Most Likely either playing games or lost interest. Pass

 

Guy Three: Same as guy two

 

One thing you have to remember with Online Dating (that I learned the hard way) is that most people don't date just one person at a time. They usually have multiple people they are messaging at a time. It's what I call Scattershot dating. Send lots of messages, respond to the ones that write back, go on multiple dates. If you go on a date with one guy there's a good chance you're not the only one they are talking to. So if they ghost you they just found someone they connected with more. I myself once went on a 3 dates from okcupid in one weekend. None of them clicked with me, but if more than one did I would have had to chose one at some point. Plus most find it easier to just ghost now a days then give you the bad news that you came in 2nd.

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First, don't date people you aren't attracted to. Period.

 

All the above is normal and has nothing to do with you. You're only a loser if you convince yourself of that. Keep in mind the chances of going on a date and finding a suitable mutual match are astronomical. It takes time, patience and perseverance. Try not to care so much about it. Relax. Enjoy the pleasant dates, and shrug of the bad ones.

 

I think it’s hard to tell with a couple of photos if you can be attracted or not, so if they are average looking I think in real life they will probably be better, but so far the personality and mine haven’t clicked hence no attraction.

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