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Thread: Keep having the same fight for 2 years...

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The best thing you can do is go to social services and see what help is available if you are disabled/unemployed. For example, medical care, housing and food assistance, career training, etc. You both sound like a nuisance/menace to society so housing should be your main concern. It's amazing you haven't both been evicted. Your interpersonal drama and mutual abuse comes at the expense of the peace of others.
    Originally Posted by cgregsweeney

    Police have been called once because I blasted music when he tried to go to bed after starting a fight with me. Neighbors called and made a noise complaint.

    He once locked me out of the apartment for an hour, so the next time he went out I did the same to him. Being the king of double standards, he called the police.

    On at least two different occasions our fights have escalated into full on physical altercations. The police were called then too.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    The best thing you can do is go to social services and see what help is available if you are disabled/unemployed. For example, medical care, housing and food assistance, career training, etc. You both sound like a nuisance/menace to society so housing should be your main concern. It's amazing you haven't both been evicted. Your interpersonal drama and mutual abuse comes at the expense of the peace of others.
    Well this sounds a bit needlessly harsh.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Well, then be peaceful, considerate neighbors and get your acts together. Together or individually. Learn to deal with conflict without resorting to violence and disturbing the peace. Neither of you are the victims here. It's the neighbors and wasting law enforcement resources on ridiculous drama like locking each other out or making loud rackets to annoy each other.
    Originally Posted by cgregsweeney
    Well this sounds a bit needlessly harsh.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Well, then be peaceful, considerate neighbors and get your acts together. Together or individually. Learn to deal with conflict without resorting to violence and disturbing the peace. Neither of you are the victims here. It's the neighbors and wasting law enforcement resources on ridiculous drama like locking each other out or making loud rackets to annoy each other.
    I know very well I donít always respond in a healthy or appropriate manner, make no mistake. I accept my fair share of the blame. Iíve done petty stuff to get back at him for his abusive behavior.

    Heck, why do you think I included all these details? To make it clear that I KNOW Iíve handled this wrong on more than one occasion, and that I donít need that spelled out for me. I included those details to let everyone know that Iím under no illusion that Iím perfect, and am in fact far from it.

    Itís my fault for staying, for allowing him to convince me to give him chance after chance after chance. But maybe donít equate me with him that strongly? Itís...hurtful.

    Especially when thereís a lot more thatís gone down than what Iíve already written. The fights, for instance?

    He attacks me a lot. Foot stomping, throwing things, wailing on me, shoving me etc.

    All over stuff like spilling a drink, or not hearing him the first time he said something.

    He only calls the cops when I fight back.

    Because Iím mentally ill I face a lot of bias from the police. On one occasion the officer who seemed to be in charge didnít even bother asking me my side of the story, immediately yelling at me and refusing to let me get a word in edgewise, threatening to arrest me if the cops had to come again and saying how ďdoneĒ she was.

    I had to be very diplomatic, and asked the other officer who seemed more collected and together if I could speak to her instead. She was more understanding and heard me out, understanding where I was coming from immediately.

    On another occasion both the cops were really rude and ableist, and became insulting towards me and I felt even further violated afterwards.

    I never want the cops to come, I hate wasting their time and my own (because thereís usually very little they can do to help, and sometimes they make things worse) but itís not like Iím the one who keeps calling them. Yes, I know, itís partially my fault because Iím still with him, Iím just saying

    I know I have to get out of this living situation. Iím working on it. Iíve got people I plan to call tomorrow, although with the shut down my options may be even more limited than before...

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Law enforcement that have to repeatedly show up to nuisance calls made by neighbors to the same place are not therapists, nor are they there to be polite. They are there to respond to the complaint and decide if an arrests need to be made.
    Originally Posted by cgregsweeney
    I had to be very diplomatic, and asked the other officer who seemed more collected and together if I could speak to her instead. She was more understanding and heard me out, understanding where I was coming from immediately. On another occasion both the cops were really rude and ableist, and became insulting towards me and I felt even further violated afterwards.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Law enforcement that have to repeatedly show up to nuisance calls made by neighbors to the same place are not therapists, nor are they there to be polite. They are there to respond to the complaint and decide if an arrests need to be made.
    Again, neighbors only called once. All the other times it was him. And we moved several times in the past 2 years, so they at most came twice to the same place.

    And while they arenít there to be polite, it should go without saying that they ought to be respectful unless the situation calls for otherwise.

    The cops that came on that one occasion were incredibly and needlessly rude to me specifically because I was disabled and unemployed saying things like ďItís not like youíre in a wheelchairĒ and ďYouíre just lazy and want everything to be done for you.Ē when I explained why leaving the situation was difficult.

    And nobody is expecting them to be therapists, so I donít know why youíre saying that. But they should be specially trained to deal with mentally ill people.

    Look, honestly? I donít want to talk to you anymore. Youíre being kind of callous and grating, and thatís really not helpful and certainly not what I joined this site to deal with. Not to be confrontational or anything, I just think itíd be best if this is the last interaction we have.

  8. #27
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cgregsweeney
    The cops that came on that one occasion were incredibly and needlessly rude to me specifically because I was disabled and unemployed saying things like ďItís not like youíre in a wheelchairĒ and ďYouíre just lazy and want everything to be done for you.Ē
    I must admit, I find that very difficult to believe. I imagine there's a lot more to the story which we haven't heard.

  9. #28
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Well, then be peaceful, considerate neighbors and get your acts together. Together or individually. Learn to deal with conflict without resorting to violence and disturbing the peace. Neither of you are the victims here. It's the neighbors and wasting law enforcement resources on ridiculous drama like locking each other out or making loud rackets to annoy each other.
    I second this post.

  10. #29
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    To me it sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too much of a chicken to tell you. So he treats you bad in hopes that you leave. It would make him look bad to kick you out or break up with you, so he is sabotaging the relationship so you say Im done and you leave.
    Instead of trying to figure out how to save or salvage the relationship, figure out how to be on your own or get help to get out of the current situation

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I must admit, I find that very difficult to believe. I imagine there's a lot more to the story which we haven't heard.
    You find it difficult to believe that when I told the officer why itís so difficult for me to leave the situation (because Iím largely dependent on him for transportation, for covering the costs of food and rent, etc) that he would say these things?

    Have you ever been permanently disabled and dependent on a partner? Iím guessing not.

    Originally Posted by No1
    To me it sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too much of a chicken to tell you. So he treats you bad in hopes that you leave. It would make him look bad to kick you out or break up with you, so he is sabotaging the relationship so you say Im done and you leave.
    Instead of trying to figure out how to save or salvage the relationship, figure out how to be on your own or get help to get out of the current situation
    No. Iíve tried to leave multiple times. I found a place, a person to help me, everything.

    This is when he tries his hardest to hold on to me.

    But youíre right. Thereís no point trying to salvage this relationship.

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