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Thread: Keep having the same fight for 2 years...

  1. #11
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    I could be gone in several months to a year, if Iím lucky, and if I resolve myself to not allow him to convince me to stay.

    But the ways out I found were roommates, usually guys I met on dating sites. Iíd be just as dependent on them as I am on him. Which as you guys have said would leave me vulnerable to more abuse.

    Iíve looked into subsidized housing like HUD housing, but the waitlists are usually 1 to 2 years, and single mothers understandably are prioritized.

    As for Section 8, you wouldnít believe how ludicrously difficult it is just to get on Section 8ís waitlist. I called and they said the list doesnít even open for a few years, and they said when it did it might only be open for a day or a few hours. They couldnít even give me a specific date that it would open.

    If that sounds ridiculous, itís because it is.

    They deliberately make the Section 8 waitlist as difficult to get on as possible, and it takes years- and then once you get on the waitlist, you still have to wait several more years. So thatís not really feasible.

    Even when he and I were still together, Iíd be looking for places ďjust in caseĒ, so itís not like I stopped looking or have given up.

    Itís just...really, really hard. Like, calling it ďchallengingĒ doesnít do it justice really.

    I feel like HUD housing is my best bet though.

    Edit: My disability is severe mental illness.

    Aspergerís Syndrome, Bipolar Type 1, ADHD and others...

    I receive SSI and food stamps already, but the SSI is supplemental because I never paid into the system. I donít qualify for full disability insurance.

    America doesnít really take into consideration that some of us are born this way, so thereís really not much in place for people like me.

    Thereís a reason more than half of all homeless people are former foster youth...

  2. #12
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Do you have any friends or family to go to? Your parents? Siblings? Cousins? Uncles/Aunts etc? There surely must be someone.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am so sorry. I can't imagine the lengths you have to go through.

    In the meantime, even on your good days with him keep moving forward, even if you don't have a plan to leave. At least when the opportunity arises, even it's somewhere further down the road you will have that option. And with that you'll have be able to choose rather than stay in a miserable situation by default.

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am sorry I can imagine the difficulties youíre going through . Reading what youíre going through makes me want to punch him in the face . Call your local womení shelter because you are being abused and you need to get out of there . Please please please give them a call and make an escape plan .

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    Do you have any friends or family to go to? Your parents? Siblings? Cousins? Uncles/Aunts etc? There surely must be someone.
    Having grown up in group homes and foster care family was never really a part of my life. For a few years I reconnected with my sister in Texas, but we had a major falling out.

    As for friends, well, I have one I made here in Arizona, but she has it even rougher than I do. And really, we only get together because we share a hobby and are members of the same League.

    So no. Iím afraid my abuser is the only pillar of support I have.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I just realized you are male. Are there male shelters in your area? No one deserves to be abused !

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Find a therapist who is sensitive to LGBT issues, especially relationship conflicts and cohabiting conflicts. Decide on some ground rules and stick to them. Who does what and who pays for what etc. Divide up joint chores and errands. Pay for your own take out food and decide on who cooks when and who shops when etc. Clean up your own laundry, personal stuff, etc. Pay for your own personal stuff, phone, car etc. Learn to stop bickering and name-calling.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Iím sorry, but I canít agree with the others AT ALL. Heís not abusing you. Heís being a jerk to you because youíre a jerk to him.

    It would take me paragraphs to explain all of the ways that your behavior is JUST AS BAD as his....

    At the end of the day, you cannot control his actions. You can only control yours. Leaving is the first action I would suggest, but I see thatís not a viable option. So I suggest extensive counseling to help you learn Emotional Intelligence, Empathy, Promblem Solving, Critical Thinking, as well as how to manage your Mental Illness.

    You cannot poke a bear repeatedly and then call it an abuser for eventually reacting.

    Additionally, as the title of your thread suggests, itís been two years. You made the decision to stay this long, so at some point, you need to hold yourself accountable. That point was about 1.5 years ago.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    Additionally, as the title of your thread suggests, itís been two years. You made the decision to stay this long, so at some point, you need to hold yourself accountable. That point was about 1.5 years ago.
    Iím not going to respond to the other things youíve said, because literally the opposite is true.

    But on this weíre both in agreement.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I just realized you are male. Are there male shelters in your area? No one deserves to be abused !
    Iíve spent the past few days looking and found a few just incase. Not sure if they have openings though.

    I really donít want to go to a shelter (especially during the government shut down) but if it comes down to it I might not have any choice.

    [Register to see the link]

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