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Thread: My mother crossed the line

  1. #1
    Member Plllover's Avatar
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    My mother crossed the line

    Hi. Iím going through something harsh right now. I want to tell you what happened so You can tell me what to do, or what you think about this situation. My parents separated and the day it happened, my mother threatened with suicide and then she used me: she told me that if I didnít call my dad to come back, she would kill Herself. She started dressing up as if she was going outside to do it, and while she was doing it she kept telling me ďIím going to kill myself. Ever since I was 14 I donít wanna live anymore. If you donít call your dad Iím gonna kill myselfĒ she kept repeating that over and over again. Her dad passed away when she was 14 so I suppose thatís the reason for her suicidal tendencies. Well so while she was telling me all that horrible stuff - and I must mention that she went under surgery last year, she almost died but didnít thank god, and she had the nerve to tell me SHE MUST HAVE DIED THERE IN THE HOSPITAL - I started shaking and trembling and I started crying. My mother was capable of doing something like that to me. I couldnít believe it. I called my father and told him I wanted him to pick me up and go to my grandpaís house. When he came to pick me up, my mother took the keys off my hands, didnít bother to put some pants on, and went outside and started screaming like crazy. Then she stood in front of my dads car, and started yelling ďIf you get away from here youíll have to run me over with your carĒ. It was the middle of the night and I almost had an anxiety attack because of the nervousness.

    When she saw we were all screaming she started running across the street and went to the other block, no pants on, as a crazy person would do. I started crying because I couldnít believe what my eyes were seeing. It was the middle of the night! My father started chasing her and then she fell on the street and started rolling. She then got back up and started pushing my dad (she became violent). At this point I was shaking, screaming, some neighbors went outside their houses to see what was going on. She then calmed down and kept telling us she was gonna kill herself. My sister was there too it was all a chaos. I was still trembling. My mother then went inside the house with my sister and I escaped with my father. I thought I was gonna die, or that she was going to kill my father or herself. That night was terrible for me. As Iím writing this I feel terrible. My sister stayed with my mother that night and I feel so terrible for her. She told us that my mom grabbed a knife and simulated she was self mutilating. She told my sister that if she didnít leave with me and dad, she was gonna murder herself. This happened towards the end of December, before Christmas. My sister is now living with my mother, and Iím living at my grandpas house with my dad. My grandmother passed away last year so itís a little bit weird to live where she lived. I donít know man, a lot happened last year. What makes me feel better is that my sister is leaving to Europe, sheís moving there and she doesnít know when sheís coming back. Good for her. I want her to be away from all of this mess. She is leaving on March. She is now containing my mother and I feel so bad for her but I know itís temporary at least.

    After all that mess that night, I spent Christmas and New Years with my dad and my sister. I wasnít even a little bit sad and I donít even miss her right now. She has a narc personality, my dad was strong enough to leave after she threatened with suicide if he did. I donít know whatís gonna happen next. She doesnít know my dad is leaving her for good. I donít know what she is capable of doing if she finds out. And I must admit Iím afraid of her. Iím afraid she might harm me or herself while Iím with her. Itís weird because she gives me everything I want and sometimes helps me, for example she will move an entire mountain if I need something. But at the same time she did all that horrible stuff. I just donít get it. I started therapy but itís only once a week and I feel itís not enough. Please I need some encouragement words in this time. Thanks!

  2. #2
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    I am very sorry that you have had to deal with so much.

    Your mother sounds like she has some mental health problems. Has she seen anyone or received any therapy?

  3. #3
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    What.A.Nightmare...!

    If anything like this ever happens again, call the police. This is the kind of responsibility you should never, ever have to shoulder, and if she gets taken to hospital at least, after an assessment, she might get the treatment she needs. You and your family are way out of your depth in all this, so don't even try.

    It all sounds very traumatic, and I'm glad you're in therapy for support right now. In the longer term you will need to separate from your mother in an emotional sense - not just a physical one - so that her hysterics don't impact on you in such a devastating way. All you can do really is to keep yourself safe, and let your emotions out when you need to. Are there any free helplines, like the Samaritans, who could support you if you feel like this in the middle of the night? If so, don't hesitate to use them.

    (((HUGE HUGS))) and I hope this all resolves soon!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am so sorry. What a very sad situation.
    Your mother is suffering and in need of help. Is something being done for her?
    It's not your responsibility, mind you. I am just curious.
    In the meantime I am glad you are in therapy and it sounds as if you are getting the support from other family members.
    I hope your mother gets the help she needs and this is all resolved soon.
    Hang in there.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Your mother needs serious help. If she acts irrational again please call the police. They can take her to hospital where doctors can assess her and hopefully help her. You cant help her you need proper medical intervention for her.

  7. #6
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    She did that because she didn't want your dad to leave. By doing that he may have stayed in the hopes that she wouldn't kill herself. It works on some people but usually it doesn't work long term. Sometimes the person claiming suicide tries to escalate and actually does it but usually they want the attention and someone to talk them out of it. It also gives them a good deal of control. She didn't mean any bad by it to you though. Her goal was to get your dad back, which he came back. Then it was for him to extend his stay by blocking the car, which it did. The third would be to get him to stay even longer by worrying about her, which didn't work. If she was really serious she would be dead by now. She's still alive though right? She threatened with cutting herself but never did right? Such people do not have good tools to resolve a situation. She may not have had the patience, or the ability to take criticism, or to change herself. As such, it seems her option was for you to rile up her husband and hope he comes back. Sorry you went through this though.

  8. #7
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    When someone threatens to kill themselves, you call 911.

    I know that seems extreme - but trust me - itís a lot less extreme than standing in front of a car half naked, running down the street, being tackled, psychologically destroying your sister, etc. The police and ambulance can assess the situation and get her the help she needs - whether thatís meds or therapy or a trip to the hospital, etc.

    A mental health emergency where someoneís life is in danger IS an emergency.

    Sometimes you have to be tough to be kind. Getting her the help she needs via a call to 911 is kind. She is no longer in control of herself in these situations. She requires emergency medical assistance.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You should never have to endure such histrionics so I'm sorry that you all had to watch your mother's mental breakdown. She has many problems that she would do well to get the proper psychiatric help for so if she threatens harming you guys or herself again, call a mental health hotline in your area and get proper advice on what you should do. Here, where I live, if you call them, they will come and defuse the situation and get your mother to the hospital where she will be assessed for 72 hours and she will get the proper care for whatever it is that she needs care in.

    I'm glad you have your father and your grandfather to nurture you. The whole family, you, your dad and your sister would do well to get into family therapy to help you to overcome the trauma.

    Below is a link to the International Mental Health site that will help you to find a contact in your part of the world. Please don't be afraid to use it if anything like that happens again or just because you need some guidance.

    [Register to see the link]


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