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Partner won’t pick me up anymore


doglover123

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My partner and I have been together for four years and have lived together for two. He used to pick me up from nights out at various times of the night, but for the last year at least he has stopped. I go out fairly often, maybe once or twice a fortnight, but he is quite happy with me getting a taxi home late at night on my own now. I don’t understand what’s changed, do you think I’m expecting too much or should he be picking me up to make sure I’m safe? I’ve always had very over protective parents and ex boyfriends so I don’t know if this is normal to expect to be picked up!

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Well I'm not saying you always have to invite him out with you but you go out without him quite a lot and then you also expect him to stay up really late and not sleep and then go pick you up in the middle of the night? I mean it's your choice to go out and he's not even going so that seems unfair. Maybe you could stay at some of your friends' places that you go out with or they can stay at your place and share a taxi or Uber for safety.

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If you go out, it's your responsibility to get yourself back home again by whatever means are appropriate.

 

If he hasn't been invited out with you, it seems hardly fair that he should be hanging around waiting to pick you up! What's changed is that he's got fed up with being a free taxi service and is happy for you to get back on your own as long as you're safe; in other words, he's treating you like an equal partner and not as a little girl.

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What changed? I sounds like he wised up. Why should he pick you up if you wanna take it upon yourself to go out and party "fairly often?" By all means, you do your thing, but to piggyback on someone else's post, the idea you can't secure your own transportation home would be infantilizing. And you expecting him to pick you up rather than spending the money on a taxi is quite frankly entitled.

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If you want to go out and party, it is your responsibility to get home and arrange necessary transportation. Drive yourself, arrange a taxi, Uber, Lyft, etc. He is not your cab driver. If safety is a concern of yours, make arrangements with a friend. You could tag-team a taxi or other transportation and go back to their place or yours, spend the night. Drive home in the morning or transport yourself by another method.

 

I wouldn't do it. If it's a matter of work, I would still not be pleased being the sole driver and my BF not taking some responsibility on transportation. When my kids were teens, there's no way I would be driving them to parties every other day. I will pick up and drop off, and I will pick up no later than 10...etc. Stay home. If you didn't have a boyfriend as your personal (free) driver, how would you otherwise be going out? Are your friends getting uptight that you expect them to do all the driving, and they stopped, which is why you rely so heavily on your BF?

 

This is your issue. If you want to party, you can figure out how to get there and get back, and if it's unsafe, well then, I guess the choice is made...don't go to that location or stay home. Have friends over instead. Or pay for your own Uber. You seem entitled in that you think your BF should be your personal taxi and wait around on you. He wised up, and he's tired of the chore.

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I agree with the others.

 

If you were going out a couple of times per year - and you asked (and he was available) or he offered - that would be a lovely gesture and a favor...

 

But once every week or two? No. As adults we should be self-sufficient. This is an unreasonable request, IMO.

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If you're a grown up, the onus is on you to get yourself home. It's not his duty or responsibility and you shouldn't put that expectation or pressure on someone.

 

It's nice if a partner does pick you up and now and then but it's not their job or duty and you shouldn't make it that way.

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You make sure you're safe then...you're a grown woman! You're expecting your partner to look after you in unreasonable ways.

 

If you want to go out, then find your own way home.

 

Honestly, you need to stand on your own two feet. It's not your partners job to be carting you around or waiting to pick you up. If you want to go out, make plans to get friends to bring you back or get a taxi.

 

That's the only fair way. But don't be pressuring people and expecting them to baby you.

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If you are so concerned for your safety you need to stop going out late and drinking and partying. You need to learn how to have fun without needing a ride home because of drinking. You need to find a better class of friends and a better type of social life. It doesn't matter who picks you up or who takes you home, if you are too drunk to drive yourself, you are not safe.

The original post wasn’t anything to do with money, it’s to do with safety
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I’ve always had very over protective parents and ex boyfriends so I don’t know if this is normal to expect to be picked up!

 

No, it's not normal for an adult woman to be picked up by a boyfriend who hasn't been part of the evening's fun. Or, to put it another way - do you see your female friends being picked up by their partners rather than getting a cab?

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I agree. I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to pick you up all the time.

 

It's good he's not treating you like a little child who needs their hand held through life. I get you now associate over protectiveness with love, but it may be time to examine that thinking. It's really more about those people having some control issues.

 

On another note, you weren't embarrassed at all when you were getting picked up all the time?

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OP, can you clarify what's troubling you exactly?

 

Is it simply the fact he won't pick you up anymore, or is it because he picked you up for three years, and then decided he didn't want to anymore?

 

And you're interpreting that to mean he doesn't care anymore?

 

If so, while I do agree with others that you need to learn to be more self sufficient, I also understand your feelings too.

 

For three years he happily (or so it would seem) picked you up, to assure you're safe, but then stopped.

 

My advice is to talk to him about it and ask him why he stopped. We could all speculate until h freezes over but bottom line is only he knows his reasons.

 

It's amazing the things you can discover about each other when you communicate, and how that can increase emotional intimacy and strengthen your relationship.

 

I highly recommend it! No accusations, no drama, just a conversation about what concerns you and why.

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It might be that he decided this made so sense any more nor was doable for him anymore (needing to rest, work next day, wising up and not treating her like a child), but I do agree with you that communication is key and she could simply ask him, but as you say without drama and without the tone of entitlement the thread seemed to have. And much less mentioning the ex boyfriends that used to pick her up.

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Life is much easier when we consider challenges as a set of naked facts. Forget right/wrong, affection/lack of ~. Just the facts:

 

Hey Boo, I have been so spoiled by your driving back and forth. I have been much too slow to pick up the driving on my end. Thank you for carrying me this far.

 

I am assuming the change in habit is simply because its past time I share some of that responsibility. If there is anything more that I need to know, please tell me.

 

How about I drive over in an hour or so?

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