Jump to content

How long did it take to get over it?


Recommended Posts

Or did you ever?

 

 

I'm genuinely curious.

 

It's been about 7 months NC for me now, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I think she'll always have a spot in my heart and I just have to accept that.

 

Admittedly, 7 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things so I could easily be very wrong, who knows... which is why I wanted to start this thread and hear other people's stories.

 

I've lied to myself daily and told myself that I'm over the whole thing, but if I'm honest, I'm so not. Sure I'm moving on in all the right ways and I feel better about it, but I still think about her pretty much daily and it makes me sad every time.

 

Does anyone have that one person that, despite moving on, healing, maybe even meeting someone else and being happy, they'll always tug on your heartstrings when you remember them and wonder what could have been?

 

Or did you get to the point where you truly stopped caring? Do you know when it happened if so? How long ago was it?

Link to comment

Feeling for you, buddy.

 

Short answer: Yes, you do get over it, even the ones who get their hooks in really, really deep.

 

Long answer: It's different for different people, different breakups. I admit I've had exes who have lingered in my head and heart for years, even when I'm happy, or happy-ish, with someone else, but who today don't register the slightest tremor on the emotional Richter Scale. Can't say why that is, exactly, only that time and space are the great elixirs, in the end.

 

The fact that you're asking us if we have "that one person" means that, right now, you're still allowing yourself to define her as such, for you. And that's okay. That's part of the process—and, like you wisely said, 7 months is an eyelash and the grand scheme of time. Eventually you'll find she just doesn't have the power to hold that spot, that what you're holding onto is memories—memories that can be cherished, yes, but in the end the past is the past.

 

A friend gave me some great advice that I give whenever I have chance. I was going through a breakup, she asked how I was dong, and being a Type A personality hellbent on moving forward fast in all things, I said something like, "I'm much better! I've turned a lot of corners recently!"

 

She was like, "BC, you'll have turned the big corner when you stop worrying about turning corners."

 

I barely knew what she meant in the moment, but I knew it was profound. Moral of the story: you just learn to be wherever you are, feeling what you need to feel at the pace you need to feel it, trusting that you're on the right path. When you lean into it like that you stop judging things in terms of progression and regression and, lo and behold, you kind of realize that person you were thinking about so much hasn't been on your mind in quite some time.

Link to comment

healing time depends on you. But what I do know that healing from a break up is a mindset. If you are looking at your Xs pictures, reading the text messages from her daily, then your healing time is going to greatly increase. Also IMO a huge part of moving forward is accepting that it is over. That means you accept youll never hug her, kiss her, have sex with her or be romantic with her in any way. Notice I did not say ever talk to her or see her again, just that you will no longer be romantic with her. If you can accept that then that's how you can really begin.

You accepted that she is going to be in your heart, but you must understand that this cannot affect your future relationships. So I would change the mindset of her being in your heart to being in your past. What you do is also accept that she made you a better person, you made her a better person and you can smile knowing that you two have fun and you made memories. With that, it is also important for you to turn the page.

In the end, you will be okay. When you will be okay is really up to you.

Link to comment

It takes me a long time to get over relationships... I can't recall ever having been totally over someone in less than a year unless there was no emotional connection. I do eventually get over it though as long as I am not dipping back in and keeping the connection alive.

Link to comment

Excellent. You can't really erase a person or relationship or chapter in your life. All you can do is close this chapter and start the next. Biggest mistake people make is, because they are hurting, is to attempt to erase the fact that this person, relationship or time ever existed and of course that's impossible. So you own it, you put it in the [her date-date] folder mentally and in the background. It feeds on it self in the sense that staying stuck keeps you stuck longer because you lose momentum and get rusty.

 

7 mos is a long time. In that time you could start a self improvement program and retool things. Get in shape, update your look, take some course/classes, update your social media, reconnect with old friends, classmates, coworkers, family, etc. You could also start thinking about getting some good updated pics and a well written profile up on some quality dating apps and at least start browsing and start messaging some women to meet for a low-key drink/coffee.

 

The void and inertia magnify the loneliness and heartache and prevent healing buy standing still rather than moving forward. You can't stew around for 7 mos and just "heal" with all the voids still in place. Jump back into your own life and redesign it.

Admittedly, 7 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things so I could easily be very wrong, who knows... which is why I wanted to start this thread and hear other people's stories.
Link to comment
Excellent. You can't really erase a person or relationship or chapter in your life. All you can do is close this chapter and start the next. Biggest mistake people make is, because they are hurting, is to attempt to erase the fact that this person, relationship or time ever existed and of course that's impossible. So you own it, you put it in the [her date-date] folder mentally and in the background. It feeds on it self in the sense that staying stuck keeps you stuck longer because you lose momentum and get rusty.

 

7 mos is a long time. In that time you could start a self improvement program and retool things. Get in shape, update your look, take some course/classes, update your social media, reconnect with old friends, classmates, coworkers, family, etc. You could also start thinking about getting some good updated pics and a well written profile up on some quality dating apps and at least start browsing and start messaging some women to meet for a low-key drink/coffee.

 

The void and inertia magnify the loneliness and heartache and prevent healing buy standing still rather than moving forward. You can't stew around for 7 mos and just "heal" with all the voids still in place. Jump back into your own life and redesign it.

 

Oh believe me, I've done all these things :) Even went and got myself a new job and flat in the last week - not exactly with moving on from the relationship in mind, but big steps forward in my own life nonetheless. I've met some fantastic people in the last few weeks as well and am genuinely happy with where I am right now, but I just have this annoying constant tinge of sadness that comes and goes when I think of her, which still tends to be often unfortunately and I can't really understand why. Looking back there's a lot of traits I don't like about her, and if the offer was on the table I'm honestly not sure I'd even date her again, but for some reason the situation still upsets me - maybe it's because I've never been truly NC to the point of blocking with anyone before, idk... but It's not worth thinking about I guess. I just wish I knew how to accept it and close the door. I tell myself that it's over and deep down I know it is, but I always have this annoying hopeful feeling that one day we'll clear the air between us and talk again and I can't get rid of it.

 

 

A friend gave me some great advice that I give whenever I have chance. I was going through a breakup, she asked how I was dong, and being a Type A personality hellbent on moving forward fast in all things, I said something like, "I'm much better! I've turned a lot of corners recently!"

 

She was like, "BC, you'll have turned the big corner when you stop worrying about turning corners."

 

I barely knew what she meant in the moment, but I knew it was profound. Moral of the story: you just learn to be wherever you are, feeling what you need to feel at the pace you need to feel it, trusting that you're on the right path. When you lean into it like that you stop judging things in terms of progression and regression and, lo and behold, you kind of realize that person you were thinking about so much hasn't been on your mind in quite some time.

 

Ah I love this, what great advice and you sound all too familiar to myself haha

Thanks for sharing! :)

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...