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I want to end it and Im feeling so down


Jbabygirl

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Hey everyone so if you’ve seen my previous posts then you know my fiancé (boyfriend at the time) cheated on me when I was pregnant. Ever since I found out (it’s been three months since finding out) I have been broken. I tried to move forward and continue our relationship because we have a one year old and we live together and love each other but I started realizing how I’ve been changing and how I’ve been stressing every day since finding out and I’m done I can’t do it anymore. He’s at work right now and I’m home with our one year old. I love him so much and he’s trying and he’s apologized so many times but for some reason I just can’t stop thinking about it and it’s affecting my mental health.. one day I’m fine and happy and loving life and then.. I’m crying and feeling all these things and hating myself. Idk if it’s normal or not but I think I’m just still so heart broken. I’ve never known about heart break but I am feeling it and it’s the worst feeling. Anyway. I want to end our relationship. I think maybe that’s what’s best. Even writing this I am getting second thoughts but no I need y’all to help me. What do I do? How do I go about this? Do I wait until he’s home and tell him or do I pack up and go? I know if I pack up and go, he will get very mad and then his family will get very mad and all this drama will happen. But if I stay and wait for him then I have a feeling he’ll talk me out of it by apologizing and begging. It’s not even him anymore, it’s me. It’s my mental health that’s being affected. Every day. My mood instantly changes from happy to I hate my life. What about our child? Idk what to do

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Well.. best advice ever is #1 - never make a life-altering decision when EMOTIONAL. Emotional decisions end up being our worst ones ever in life. SO. Find a way to calm down and think straight so you acn assess thsi situation more objectively, and less emotionally. If it helps, reralize that the decision you are about to make will affect your CHILD for the rest of his life. So it is not one to take lightly.

 

Secondly, going to see a therapist may not be such a bad idea here - just to see if you have any imbalances, pre-disposed to depression,e tc. This may in fact explain some things possibly.

 

Thirdly, of course, talk to dear ones and family about this as well and get their objective opinions about it.

 

Gather gather gather info from as many sources as you can. THEN WHEN YOU ARE CALM and can think OBJECTIVELY - that's when you make your decision. Then run with it and never look back.

 

Good luck to you. This is a big decision. So yo don't want to rush or be rash about it ---- for the sake of your son if nothing else.

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Thank you. A therapist would be helpful I’m sure but I don’t know how to go about seeing one and what if they’re expensive.. and I am too embarrassed to talk to my family. They won’t understand me and they’ll think I’m acting or something. My family isn’t helpful at all :/

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do you have insurance? these days medical insurance covers X/visits per year. You can also call around and ask if anybody takes non-insured patients (somebody will) and how much.

 

But honestly, in the end your mental state and well being is more important than money. Mondya can always be made etc. 'm sure there will be plenty of therapists that will work out some kind of payment plan as well because they understand your #1 thing is your mental health and mental state as well.

 

There are also non-medical avenues you can go with that might be more affordable (life coaches). A bit less scientific but serves the same purpose.

 

There could be some online places or 1-800 #'s you can call just to get you started and to help you find something local or ongoing given your situation, etc.

 

This is one time the power of the internet is a good thing. Take advantage of it... and good luck!

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Thank you. A therapist would be helpful I’m sure but I don’t know how to go about seeing one and what if they’re expensive.. and I am too embarrassed to talk to my family. They won’t understand me and they’ll think I’m acting or something. My family isn’t helpful at all :/

 

Based on this thread, https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=555803, your family is not going to think you're acting. They don't like him, for valid reasons, so I don't think it will be a stretch to convince them how that he's a lying cheat who manipulated you for a while about his affair partner...outlined in this thread: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=555775

 

Where will you stay if you leave? Do you have a friend or family member willing to put you up for a while? I would not simply pack up and leave without saying anything, when there is a child involved (assuming your physical safety is not at risk) Much of an arse as he is to you, he does have a right to know if his child is going to be taken out of the home. I am not trying to defend his craptacular behaviour but I think any decent parent would panic if they came home to find their child and all the little one's belongings gone.

 

On the same note, please speak to a lawyer to find out exactly what your rights are concerning taking the baby with you. You will forever need to consider how the munchkin's father works in to the equation. He has parental rights you will need to work out a formal agreement as far as custody and visitation goes.

 

Let him and his family be mad. You are not responsible for their feelings, particularly when he created this mess. There was no thought given to your feelings when he was cheating on you, keep in mind.

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My friends probably wouldn’t let me stay since they have their own family or live with their family. And my sister lives with my family so I wouldn’t fit so I have no idea where I would go. And yeah that’s what I was thinking. I couldn’t get up and take our child without him knowing anything. I get that and when it comes to lawyers and things like that, do you think they would take his side? Since he’s the one who works and provides for us. I’m a SAHM. I’m scared that if we take it to court that he will look better because he provides for us. It’s not like he’s assaulted me and there’s proof because that’s not true. He’s good to us but I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore if it’s goimg to drive me crazy..

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I remember when I first found out about the cheating we talked about how if in the future I would want to leave then he would understand and want to work things out as far as how we would see our child.. but I don’t know if he still feels that way since we have been doing better. Some days I’m like yay our life is getting better, we have a beautiful child and a roof over our head I’m so in love and then there’s day like today where I’m so insecure and angry and I’m like why did i stay? No one deserves to be cheated on.

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Thank you. A therapist would be helpful I’m sure but I don’t know how to go about seeing one and what if they’re expensive.. and I am too embarrassed to talk to my family. They won’t understand me and they’ll think I’m acting or something. My family isn’t helpful at all :/

 

There is an app called talk space. It’s a therapist you chat with daily. I started it about 3 weeks ago. It really helps me. There are discount codes online and you pay monthly! It’s really helped me with my situation!

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