I can't stop thinking

Why am I still thinking about my ex!?! We dated for 3 years, lived together the last year of the relationship. I found out he was cheating on me for at least 2 months. Him and I are both in our early 30s but he cheated on me with a woman in her late 50s. Im mentioning this because he always wanted kids with me but the fact he is now with the woman in her late 50s just makes me think !

Was he lying about wanting kids? But I guess who cares now. I just can't move on from my ex because I keep thinking of why he decided to move on with this particular woman.

because you keep thinking about her that's why.

stop doing it.. or atleast stop doing it as much as you can.

stop trying to figure out why and what he did and re-analyze everythign he told you. the point is - it doesn't matter what the answers are - it's over. Time to move on.

The only thing yo need to concern yourself with is that it's over. he doesn't see a future with you and so you must move on.

Uhm I don't think it's as simple as telling someone to stop thinking about something. How long ago did you break up? It is natural to think about an ex in the early stages of a break up. We all do it. Rationalizing it won't help, and telling yourself to stop thinking about something will just make you think about it more. People will also suggest you keep yourself busy, which is important, but those thoughts will still creep in no matter how busy you keep yourself. All I can tell you is that it is normal, and you have to let things run their course. With time, the thoughts will subside, until one day you don't think about him or her at all. Accept that trying to figure out why he did what he did will likely not happen. He will probably not tell you the truth, and he might not even understand why other than the fact that he had stronger feelings for her. Also understanding why he left will not bring him back. In the mean time, just allow yourself to grieve your relationship, and be kind to yourself. It will get better.

it really is. it doesn't mean it happens NOW or tomorrow.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that to stop thinking about your ex- and to move on, you just end up having to stop thinking about your ex- and move on as best as you can.

there is no magic pill here.

there is no pixy dust.

There's only one's decision to do it or not do it. And it may not be now - and that's okay. But the question put forth was not "when should i expect", it was "how do i..." And that's the only answer.

When did you break up?

Be glad you didn't marry this creep! Can you imagine if this had happened when you had kids.

It doesn't matter who he cheated on you with or why. How did you find all this out? What were the signs that he was cheating? You dodged a bullet and cut your losses so you are still young enough to find a decent guy to have a family with.

Remember that living together is not a step toward anything and merely a convenience as far as sex, bills and chores goes. Next time make sure you are with a quality guy and make sure you have a real commitment before just living together.

We dated for 3 years, lived together the last year of the relationship. I found out he was cheating on me for at least 2 months.

These things never make sense and it's a waste of time trying to understand. Years ago I had a boyfriend that broke up with me for another woman who was physically and personality wise the opposite of what he said to me he was attracted to. There is no logic or anything to understand, attraction/love rarely have some sort if logic or sense.

In your case what's important to retain is that he's a liar and a cheater, regardless of who he cheated on you with. If she was just a side peace or some temporary sexual satisfaction then it doesn't matter if she can have kids or not. You dodged a bullet anyway. This is not the person to build a life with.

It's normal to blame yourself, to wonder what the other woman has that you don't, etc. Try not to torment yourself like that.

I recently read a study that someone did where they found that an overwhelming percentage of cheaters are actually 100% happy with their partner and their life and have no plans of leaving that short of being caught and kicked out. They tend to be kind of shocked if that happens to them as they genuinely don't think about consequences. The other woman or man is literally there for the kicks, for some strange and that's all. Completely meaningless. Of course, if you kicked him out, where else can he go but run to his mistress to give him an easy roof over his head. See him for the demented low life that he is. It will help. In fact if you look back, you'll probably realize that he was always selfish, self centered, self absorbed, good at telling you what you want to hear, but not actually delivering much or anything at all. If you are honest, you probably put up with way more sh$t from him than you ever needed to. Consider yourself lucky that you aren't married and with a child or two and just now finding out he keeps side pieces and has been doing so for years.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's hard, I know, to get over anyone, especially someone you were with for so long. When people cheat, it's on them, it's not your fault. Age really has nothing to do with it so try to stop doing this to yourself. Eat well, rest, and do things you've always wanted to do. Lead a fulfilling life and you will meet people worthy of you. You don't deserve to be with someone who doesn't value you.

Thanks chinasndback, dancingfool, Annia, thisisrichey, frustrated1 and Hollyj for you comments!