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Thread: Collecting gifts

  1. #21
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    Unfortunately we have to stay in touch because we have a daughter together. He's only supposed to call 3 times a week (per the court) to talk to her, but he likes to throw shots at me. I ignore him, because none of what he says is true. He's a bad guy.

    But yes, they don't expect it when you ignore them. They don't like that at all, lol. It means that they lost control of you.
    Do it!

  2. #22
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    Forget the gifts. Block and delete this guy. This should have done.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by DaisyMayPorter
    Unfortunately we have to stay in touch because we have a daughter together. He's only supposed to call 3 times a week (per the court) to talk to her, but he likes to throw shots at me. I ignore him, because none of what he says is true. He's a bad guy.

    But yes, they don't expect it when you ignore them. They don't like that at all, lol. It means that they lost control of you.
    Do it!
    I genuinely don't know how people with kids do it: seeing their horrible toxic ex and having to communicate with them when they are apparently unable to communicate in an adult way. Kudos to you for being the responsible one and ignoring what he says, that takes major strength. I'm learning a lot about my own codependent ways and trying to detach but it's hard.

    I just said to my mum people on the forum are suggesting to ignore him, but it's not my style. She said 'just go along and see him when he texts, in the knowledge you'll never have to see him again. It will bring you closure'. I know closure is not going to come from him. I think I need a middle ground, and for me, it's simply saying leave the presents on my doorstep.

  4. #24
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    YOU are deciding to continue the drama. That's on you. And, if he treated you so poorly, why would you even care?

    You do not get closure from others, it comes from the knowledge that you had a sh&t relationship.

    I don't understand the need to get these gifts. he still has the upper hand.

  5.  

  6. #25
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    Tell him to give them to flavour of the week and be done with him.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    YOU are deciding to continue the drama. That's on you. And, if he treated you so poorly, why would you even care?

    You do not get closure from others, it comes from the knowledge that you had a sh&t relationship.

    I don't understand the need to get these gifts. he still has the upper hand.
    Yes, you're right. I don't know why I'm so tied to coming across as 'nice' to someone who was unkind to me.

  8. #27
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    Be nice to yourself.

    If you block and delete you will have nothing to worry about.

  9. #28
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    It has nothing to do with being nice, you can be nice and not accept the gifts.

    You want the gifts as it is some final sign he cares. You need to be honest with yourself .

    You also need to demonstrate that YOU respect yourself by being done with this nonsense.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    It has nothing to do with being nice, you can be nice and not accept the gifts.

    You want the gifts as it is some final sign he cares. You need to be honest with yourself .

    You also need to demonstrate that YOU respect yourself by being done with this nonsense.
    Yes, I struggle with this which is why I'm so pleased by the strength of the responses on this board. If I blocked and deleted him, I would be worried about what he was thinking. I honestly don't care about the gifts or a final sign that he cares. Throughout our relationship, he has on numerous occasions shown me that I am not a priority to him, so why would it be different now we are no longer together? I know that, whether a friend or a partner, all I would ever hope to get from him is crumbs. But I don't want to be a b*tch or unkind to him. Maybe I need to be...I dunno.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Kind of an aside, but what do you have against making plans to meet / pickup more than 12 hours in advance?

    In any case, agreed with the others. I'd decline the gifts and move on. Best of luck.

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