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Thread: Collecting gifts

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    With break ups...there is no positive note.

    Sounds harsh but it's true.

    You aren't friends, are you? You're a broken romance. It's not something that can end positively.

    You don't need to hate, obviously, but friendship at this point just won't work.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    He knows what he's doing..especially when he said "I'll be out all night"..what an ass!

    Seriously, don't let this person hold you hostage. You don't need it.

    Don't contact him again, if he insists in giving you the gifts, tell him to drop it off outside your door whenever, and actually mean it.
    If he says he wants to meet, tell him no. He can drop the gifts off whenever or forget about it.

    Though truth be told, I totally agree with RedDress, do you really want gifts from him that will only set your healing back and remind you of him?
    I sure wouldn't.
    I'd be more likely to tell him that the gifts aren't a healthy thing for you and you'd rather just not.
    You don't owe him anything at this point and there is such a thing as being too nice to a point where he will take advantage.

    Don't keep allowing him to.
    I think I love you!! Yes, this response makes me feel good. It made me feel sh*t when he said he'd be out all night because who in their right mind is out all night on a Wednesday? I'm not going to pick apart what he was potentially doing because I genuinely don't think he has a new partner, but just telling me that made me feel pretty low and confirmed I want no further contact with him. Any contact is just a reverberation of the pain and angst I felt when I was with him. Something he has said to me throughout the relationship when I have felt upset by something he's done is 'I don't owe you anything.' Now we are together, I really need to take back my power and realise I certainly don't owe HIM anything. His gifts would just be going to charity anyway. xxx

  3. #13
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Forget the gifts. He can mail them if he really wants to give them to you.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Forget the gifts. He can mail them if he really wants to give them to you.
    You're right. I need to forget it entirely and stop chasing after some bait that he has produced and that I don't have any interest in. I thought that by deleting, blocking etc that would just be avoiding him and being fearful, but maybe it is the right thing to do. I need him out my life completely.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Breaking up means the end. This person is no longer a part of your life in any way, shape, or form.
    Once you've sorted out the break up, returned each others stuff, etc., you have no reason to speak to each other again. If the person was toxic to you, then yes, you block him because that's the wise and healthy thing to do for yourself. Weak is keeping contact alive and rising to his bait like a trout to a fly. He is literally stroking his ego at your expense right now after the way you started chasing him to pick up the gifts. That's not strength OP, that's weakness and something you need to become aware of and work on.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Breaking up means the end. This person is no longer a part of your life in any way, shape, or form.
    Once you've sorted out the break up, returned each others stuff, etc., you have no reason to speak to each other again. If the person was toxic to you, then yes, you block him because that's the wise and healthy thing to do for yourself. Weak is keeping contact alive and rising to his bait like a trout to a fly. He is literally stroking his ego at your expense right now after the way you started chasing him to pick up the gifts. That's not strength OP, that's weakness and something you need to become aware of and work on.
    Thank you DancingFool. I was doing so well. Spending time with friends, rebuilding my life. The lack of contact was doing me good. He had mentioned the gifts a few times and I initially said no, don't bother. It wasn't until I read the messages on this forum describing them as bait that I realised that is exactly what he's doing. It was kind of unconscious of me to respond to his messages asking to meet for the receipt of the gifts, because frankly, I just wanted it over with, never really considering that ignoring or blocking might be the best route. I want to take the high road and be kind about it but I'm realising my kindness is being taken advantage of. Thank you for giving it to me straight.

  8. #17
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    Jenberry, why do these gifts matter to you at all if you donít want to be in his life in any way shape or form? They are just gifts. And personally, in my opinion, I donít think he had any gifts for you at all. I think he just said that because you said you had gifts. Stop contacting him. If he contacts you about them, ignore him. You donít need gifts from this jerk.

  9. #18
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    Thanks Daisy. They don't matter, but I guess old habits die hard. He messages and I come running. Like I mentioned, I wanted to keep the peace, to have things end compassionately and in a kind way hence why I agreed to collecting the gifts. I didn't expect him to tell me he has them and then say no to every day I suggested. I have stopped contacting him, don't worry.

  10. #19
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    Oh good! :-) He sounds like a lot like my ex who was very verbally abusive. He always tried (still tries sometimes) to text me and say mean things to see if he can get me going... Anyway, the more you ignore him, the better. Once he sees he can't shake you, he'll (hopefully) stop contacting you. Good luck! :-)

  11. #20
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    I'm sorry you went through that Daisy. My ex was 'mildly' verbally abusive, shouting at me to f-off down the phone if I interrupted his drinking sessions and could be pretty nasty at times. Why on earth does your ex still text you to say mean things? It took me a while to realise that it about them, not you. The only way we are responsible is by putting up with it for as long as we did, however long that may have been. I am a kind and considerate person (too kind perhaps. I'd be the one to apologise just to keep the peace in the midst of an argument, even if he was in the wrong) and he knows how to use that to his own advantage, by stringing me along, suggesting a date and not seeing it through etc. I think ignoring him is the last thing he would expect.

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