What’s going on?

I’ve been seriously dating this girl for past 4-5 months and we moved in together about two months ago. We have an age difference of about 12 years between us. She says she is in love with me, and I do the same. Her parents really Like me, and she says we wants to have kids with me and wants us to get married this year. Now the bad part, she still has lot of male friends which she keeps in touch on FB, SC, and texts. She talks to lots of them and lot of them have been her past not so serious but more of a need basis relationships. Before she met me she told me that she never thought she would ever be in a serious relationship but I made her change her mind. Sometimes she wants to go out to events by herself and meet other people and then she says no she was wrong. Now she’s gone to meet her friend out of state for about 10 days. Before she was leaving she got short tempered and irritated over me asking her to call me before she boards her plane. Her attitude changed and she got totally mad and said goodbye and then says that she needs a break and then can we talk later. She calls me but doesn’t really talk. But then she sends me a message saying she loves me. I feel she’s is taking this time to explore other options and doesn’t feel like bounded by contacted me and not answering to what she’s up to and who she’s hanging out with, etc. while I see her SC stories being updated every 30 mins and yet she doesn’t have time to call me back. Do you think she really loves me or is simply playing with me?? Do you think given all this should I just call it quits myself instead of waiting for her to come back and tell me that it’s over ? What’s really going on here? I do love her a lot but this betrayal and thinking that she’s possibly cheating on me is killing me and stressing me out. What should I do? Any advice?

12 years younger than you? It's only a matter of time before she is sleeping with a guy her age.

That's something you most likely figured out long ago but refuse to accept it.

The answer is exactly in your title, you need to find out what's wrong, but you have to be calm bit firm about expecting a reply. Where was she flying to? Are you just fearful of not coming home? She will call bit less likely if she thinks you're just sitting by the phone waiting for her. I had a guy I loved who was younger than me and I honestly don't think I'll do that again because I just don't have the patience but he honestly made me feel like running away sometimes and it seemed he had issues with abandonment. I am truly happy alone, I have to say. I had to give it a a day, sometimes a couple of not hearing his voice or having to talk on the phone to hear myself think and figure out where I wanted things to go. Maybe that's all it is, but wait and let her leave at least on message before you anxiously run to ask her what you can do for her, trust me, she knows you love her.

Good grief. Moving in together after just a couple of months is the first mistake. You barely know each other. Bad move. She is a lot younger and definitely sounds immature and not ready for a serious relationship. Whatever you do, dont marry her anytime soon. I think she's playing you and that you need to wake up. I see pretty much no hope for this relationship. Too much too fast, before you got to know her.

Can we get some specifics on the ages here? That’ll inform what I say next.

This is what happens when you move in with a stranger. What were you thinking moving on at two months! That's nuts!

Do not get married! She does not love you.

I’m 41 and she’s 29.

Flying to out of state to see her female friend. I’ve to come home but I’m not fearful. I’m also on a personal trip across the Atlantic - and she knows I’m not just sitting by the phone waiting to hear back from her. And since I was traveling I was the one who brought her the tickets to travel so that she doesn’t stay home alone and gets a chance to travel.

"she still has lot of male friends which she keeps in touch on FB, SC, and texts. She talks to lots of them and lot of them have been her past not so serious but more of a need basis relationships"

Don't you realize that this is really disrespectful to you?

Have you not had relationships? You seem to tolerate a lot of behavior that is unacceptable for most.

I see a lot disrespectful behavior from her. And not just this one.

She sounds like an immature girl, not woman, girl..who is always going to need other mens attentions.

She already had trouble settling down and she continues to play head games with you.

You're the only one who decides if you keep taking it or not.

Unfortunately you're very incompatible. Why the rush to live together? Were did you/she live before dating 2 mos?

I’ve been seriously dating this girl for past 4-5 months and we moved in together about two months ago.

Why in the fresh heck did you two move in together so soon?

You hardly know each other, and you're seeing plenty of reasons why rushing is not a good idea.

How old are you and how old is she?

What are you doing with this woman and why the hell did you move in with a stranger?

Age is not an excuse here, I'm almost her age and no way this is a normal and acceptable behaviour.

How old are you and how old is she?

He's 41 and she's 29.

She not only doesn't love you but doesn't like you all that much either. She had her few months of fun when you were fresh and somewhat exciting; she's bored, isn't taking your r-ship seriously any longer, is looking for other, newer, younger options and doesn't quite know how to tell you that it's over between you and her. Sorry OP.

(how do I know? I was her, many times, when I was young)

You’re getting good advice on here. Hard advice, I know. But it’s good stuff.

This whole dynamic just sounds deeply immature, more of a high school relationship than, you know, an adult one.

I can join the chorus and call her immature, easily bored, a classic attention-seeker—and all that would be accurate.

But let me ask you: at 41 do you really want to be spending your emotional energy, or having your emotions played with, by obsessing over the social media habits of your partner? Do you want to be in any relationship, with someone of any age, where this is what’s happening?

Those are the questions, more than trying to gauge the authenticity of her “love,” that I’d be asking. And they are harder questions to ask than what’s up with her, because they’re about what’s up with you.

I suspect this was all very fun, very hot, very intoxicating early on—hence you moved in basically five minutes into it all. I suspect she was so, so very into you and you very much liked that. No judgement. We all love that feeling, and one of the potential pluses of dating younger and less mature is you get it FAST, with little effort. Been there, believe me.

But the key is to recognize the difference between drugs and reality, just as the key to dating is to not mistake an awesome fling for forever. You don’t buy a house when you’re on ecstasy, you know, because a lot of leaky homes seem solid when you’re flooded with dopamine. You buy it when you’ve sobered up, and still feel safe and secure inside it.

Sounds to me like she came down from the high a little faster than you did, and now you’re chasing a new, more dangerous high, that of wanting to be her drug again. Be careful on that road. Rarely leads to a comfy home.

you might be pushing her away with your jealous nature.

As far as i could tell she's been loyal and legit to you except you keep not trusting her. and when one doesn't feel trusted by their partner - they tend to rebel and lash back.

you have to trust your partner until they prove they aren't trustworthy - otherwise you have no business being with them.

She had not betrayed your trust yet.

I feel she’s is taking this time to explore other options

Now she’s gone to meet her friend out of state for about 10 days.

You sound very insecure and paranoid and you don't trust her and when you don't trust the person you are with, then you are with the wrong person.

What’s your definition of trust? Blindly accept things as they come? When you see something happening - behaviors and patterns?? They you’re saying what? I’m confused.

Not sure where you read jealousy from. But there’s none of that. So I should let her betray my trust first and till that time wait for it to happen? Seriously?? I’m totally lost here 😲😬😶

Well my piece of advice here would be to date women that are like-minded and have the same ideas of how they want to be in a relationship and what the boundaries are. All people are different and how they want to be in a relationship is different but those ideas basically need to align for both people to make it work. I'll give you an example.

My fiance and I have been together for two years. We are both extremely social people and have A LOT of friends and acquaintances and we both love having parties. We have both hooked up with some of our friends or had some of our friends as FWB. That was for sex only and we were not dating our friends. I'm still friends with one actual ex and one ex FWB, they are both good friends of mine. I told my fiance this straight away as we started dating and he said he didn't mind just as long as I was always honest with him and never cheated (which I haven't). We all hang out sometimes too and he knows these two ex's quite well.

My fiance is from another state but sometimes we go back to his home city and he has parties there or we catch up with his friends and some of them he had as FWB/hooked up/briefly dated but that was a long time ago. I did feel a little jealous but not that much and I couldn't tell him not to be friends with them because he'd known them a really long time.

Also I went on an eight day interstate trip with my female best friend and we stayed at backpackers and my fiance will go on a trip to Bali with a few male friends this year as a boys' trip away.

Anyway point is my fiance and I are OK with this about each other but I know that some people wouldn't be, which is also fine. But I think it's important to be with someone who is on the same page as you. I see a lot of posts here saying that they told their partner to delete all friends of the opposite gender etc. but I think that's too controlling. I think it needs to be judged on a case by case scenario. Usually if people have nothing to hide then they will tell you everything and even introduce you to these opposite gender friends. I think it doesn't in and of itself mean they are cheating. Of course I don't know your relationship so I don't know if she's flirting with these male friends or what's going on. I feel that you are best to ask her directly and if she says nothing is going on then to give her the benefit of the doubt.

All I'm saying is that if you don't like her having male friends or going on a trip with a friend (who is female though) then you don't have to date her. Like if I had an issue with my fiance being friends with his ex hookups then I wouldn't be going out with him.

Also you mentioned that your girlfriend sometimes goes out to events and meets other people. What sorts of events and what sorts of people? I mean just doing stuff sometimes without you is not a crime. Unless these events are untoward in some way then why is she not allowed to do this? "She says she was wrong". Um but it's not wrong? Unless she did something wrong? Sometimes I go to Meetup groups alone or with friends if my fiance doesn't want to or can't go and I go out with my friends. My fiance sometimes does the same. Sorry but you also sound a bit too jealous and controlling.

Everything Tinydance just wrote. Like, EVERYTHING.