It’s time to move on

I just read a thread here of a women who’s having a hard time in relationship due to her having trouble changing. It hit me hard because I’m on the other end of a similar story. I’ve been with a women for 7 years. She has kids and the father abandoned his responsibilities during our relationship. We were both dealing with a lot when we got into the relationship, she had a controlling ex and I had a bad relationship prior. It started off good we were there for each other emotionally and each other’s f buddies. Over time it developed into a relationship. I bought a house and we live together with her kids and our young child. When we lived together I noticed that her sex drive was very different from mine. I’m on a 10 and she’s on a 2. I never noticed before because we didn’t see each other daily. She is also very dependent on me for everything. She doesn’t drive and really can’t do much on her own. Over time this wore me down. It’s like working an extra job helping her out. The worst part is that she doesn’t understand any of this. We can go weeks sometimes months without sex. It’s good sex when we do, She just doesn’t have a sex drive anywhere close to mine or even near 2x week. With her not taking responsibility for herself and no sex I’m just over this. The problem is we have a child together that’s my world. I don’t want to leave my child without a healthy home with mom and dad there everyday. Not to mention I’ve been the main provider for her kids. I want to leave I’m not happy anymore. She’s not making any efffort to grow. I want to be able to co parent as friends. How can I leave this toxic relationship and keep her as a friend so that we can be parents together?

You are not doing your child any favor by keeping them in an unhappy environment. Many split daily who have children. Go through the courts.

Why isn't this woman working? You need to stop enabling her, you are not helping . She has to support her kids at some point.

Look into co dependence. You are a candidate.

Is she a SAHM of your young child? A new baby in the mix and relationship conflict can bottom out romance and sex. You need to help out more around the house and try to bring the romance/sex back that way. You intend on staying a family unit so complaining about lack of sex is not solving problems. When is the last time you got a baby sitter or left the kids with family so you could go on a date or have a romantic evening alone?

we live together with her kids and our young child.. We can go weeks sometimes months without sex. I don’t want to leave my child without a healthy home with mom and dad there everyday. Not to mention I’ve been the main provider for her kids.

I researched co dependency. It’s me. I reached out to therapist to set up an appointment. I wanted to leave for a long time but I felt bad and I enabled her to be immature and lazy. It’s a scary thought now to leave because of the validation I seek from others. I need help. I’m going to do this.

I’ve done all the romantic stuff your suppose to do. I would give her cards everyday for weeks, get babysitters take her out to eat. It’s created the situation she’s comfortable taking advantage.

I’ve done all the romantic stuff your suppose to do. I would give her cards everyday for weeks, get babysitters take her out to eat. It’s created the situation she’s comfortable taking advantage.

Unfortunately, you have allowed it.

It is time to leave this mess.

you may not get to have everything you are seeking, which i understand to be:

1. leave this relationship

2. remain friends with her

3. co-parent

you may not be able to salvage a friendship or a positive one from this. But as co-parents hopefully you can find a way to be construtive and cooperative for the sake of your child. You may or may not end up with custody of the child (divorce courts are unpredictbale and who knows how much of a fight she'll put up).

But in the end, you said you wanted a "healthy famiiliiy relationsihp with mom and dad for your child" and again, whether this is possible or not will be seen. But be ready to have to decide between "having 1 healthy parent relationship" for the child vs "2 miserable parents" in relationship to your child. Which would be better fro your child?

Good luck.