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Day 2 of no contact-still depressed


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Hi all,

 

So, some of you know my story but in a nutshell, I was with a woman for quite some time. She was everything I ever wanted in a woman and I was so happy with her. I never, ever thought of other women other than her, I wanted her and her only.

 

She broke up with me back in November, saying that "we weren't compatible" and "you did nothing wrong". At first she wanted to take a "break", for a "month", I waited what was supposed to be a month, then asked her if we could get back together, then she ended up telling me she no longer wants to continue with me.

 

I was devastated. I cried really hard, went and saw a psychologist, even called 24-hour crisis groups because I needed someone to talk to other than my family and friends. I always worry that my family and friends think there's something wrong with me because I'm so torn up over this whole thing.

 

Between the breakup and a couple days ago, she would send me breadcrumby text messages. I was really hoping for reconciliation with her, and she had me going a couple times by saying "we might reconcile" and that she still thinks about me a lot. Fast forward to two days ago, I get off work, and she sends me a long text message saying "she doesn't know whether or not we can get back together" and that she wants to know whether I'll block her number or not. It's like she was trying to not burn any bridges with me by saying that "she doesn't know" if we can reconcile, and she never just flat out said to me "no, I don't want to get back togehter. I finally told her that I'm done with her, and my last words to her was "this is goodbye", then I blocked her number.

 

Now, I'm afraid to even talk to any other women for fear that I'm not ready for a relationship just yet, I am even afraid of playing the field because I fear that I'll hurt another women, and I do not want to do what my ex did to me; I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

 

I felt good knowing that I'm the one who cut ties with her because I couldn't take the false hope and second guessing things anymore. I also feel good knowing that she made the bed herself, and she even told me all the time that I did nothing wrong, and that I was "very nice and caring".

 

Last night, I was in bed just letting my mind take over by thinking constantly about the good times we had; even though I was trying so hard not to think about them. I couldn't sleep for most of the night.

 

Now, I still find myself looking at my phone, wondering if she'll ever text me from another number or call me; I know, I know, it's irrational to think that way, but the rejection just kills me. I also think about her a lot, but I made a promise to myself that I will not initiate contact with her.

 

This whole thing has me simply depressed because I miss her when we were together, and wishing that things could go back to the way they were before. If I could rewind and play it again, I would.

 

Did I do the right thing? Am I justified by feeling depressed over this? I need some support.

 

Thank you all.

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One thing I kind of wanted to expand regarding the whole playing the field thing:

 

Me and my parents went to a local restaurant yesterday, and the waitress whom I thought was very attractive was giving me a little bit of a flirtatious vibe. We started having small talk. Then when she gave my parents the check, I built up the courage to ask if she was single, she said yes, then I gave her my number that I wrote on a piece of paper. My phone lit up on my drive back to my apartment, lo and behold, it's her. Not even five minutes after I give her my number. And this woman is a straight up TEN too, pretty much a smoke show. My confidence definitely boosted when I got her number, but the one thing I'm afraid of is breaking her heart. I know this is my overthinking because I've only known her for two days, but I still just think too far ahead in the future; I just absolutely do not want to hurt a woman or lead her on because I've had that happen to me, and I would never want to do anything my ex's did to me. At the same time, I can't keep letting my overthinking get in the way, I have to move on at some point. So I'm pretty much in a catch 22.

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Could you potentially break her heart? Yes, but Im just gonna be honest with you, whats more likely to happen is her leaving once she sees where you are mentally and you then dealing with double the pain youre in now.

 

Are you prepared for that possibility?

 

Moving on doesn't mean latching onto someone else.

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Completely understandable Mack. That’s why rebounding is so popular, it’s seen as a coping mechanism, gets your mind of of your ex, doesn’t the saying go the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

 

But like I said the risk of either one of you being hurt is just almost guaranteed.

 

Take The ego boost for what it was. You’re fully capable of getting a date when the time comes, that’s awesome! right now your focus is on you though. Build yourself back up mentally and emotionally. If anything text her and be honest tell her you aren’t ready to date right now but you are very interested in her and hope she will still be single when you are ready.

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of course you're lonely - it's only been day 2. Give it more time. You must give yourself more time to heal.

I would not date right now as you are clearly not ready to date again (you first have to get over your broken up relationship!) Dating now would only mean it's a rebound relationship and that's a recipe for disaster.

 

So.. take it easy.

Take your time.

Allow yourself to heal and get over the emotional pain.

once you do, then you can get back in the game. (getting back in the game before you're ready will only make it worse and extend the pain longer).

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Let's turn the table and ask yourself if you would want to date a woman who's in the same space you are, losing sleep and despondent?

Do you want to be her therapist and help heal her from her break up?

 

Or - would you rather meet someone who's spent some time getting to the other side, has a good attitude about dating and something to offer someone?

 

It's been 2 days. Be kind to yourself. It's the grief talking.

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Thanks everyone.

 

A little update:

 

The woman who I met at the restaurant, the waitress, just up and started ghosting me. I never mentioned anything about my past relationship, it was just typical conversation. I asked her if she ever wanted to hang out because she had mentioned she would like to, but I received no response. So therefore, I'm moving on from her.

 

I still have thoughts lingering about my ex. I finally built up enough guts to tell her to kick rocks, but I have so many thoughts and questions about her: is she thinking about me? Will she ever make attempts to contact me another way even though I blocked her number? All of those. I couldn't handle the holding on to false hope, therefore I had make the decision to cut contact with her. It was not an easy decision, but I knew that it was for my better well being. I just feel more empowered that I am the one who decided to cut contact, and not her. She wanted me in her life, and said we "might" get back together, but I was the one who said "no, goodbye". I still know that I made the right decision, because I couldn't handle the games she was playing with me. I had really strong feelings about her and I was really hurt when she left me, but I feel better knowing that she told me "I did nothing wrong", that "I'm a great person", and things like that; so it's quite reassuring knowing that I did my part. Part of me also wonders if I'll ever be tempted to attempt to contact her, too; but lately I've been able to fight that urge pretty good. I'm still hurting really bad though, I had a dream about her when I was in bed last night, and I'll probably dream about her again soon. I just want to forget about her at this point, it was so hard for me to let go of my feelings for her.

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