Boyfriend updated tinder profile picture

Hello,

 

So, I've been living with my boyfriend for a year. Things are going very well, we have fights occasionally but nothing massive.

We originally met on Tinder - which I haven't used in over a year and half. For some reason, I wanted to see if our original messages

were still there and I downloaded the app. I happily read our messages and then looked through old pictures - except he has added a

picture -- one that I took while we were on vacation together.

I have no way of knowing when he posted this picture, was it a year ago or last week?

We spend all of our time together and I know he is not cheating. He is also a wonderful boyfriend.

But I need to address this, but not sure how to go about it.

You ask him...

I think you'd be opening up a huge can of worms, and I also think you need to be honest with yourself as to why you actually checked.

 

Wanting to see if your original messages were still there? Really? Never heard of that being the reason for invading your bf's privacy, why not just ask him, and if they're still there, have him show you? You can reminisce together.

 

Rather than snoop?

 

As you can see I am not a huge proponent of snooping for any reason..

 

Bottom line, if you don't trust him, then walk, period end of.

I thought she logged into her tinder and then could see his profile? He added the photo because he wanted single women to see it and have a positive reaction to it. At minimum. No other explanation. But yes I would ask him without being confrontational and only in person.

Like *figureitout* said in the first reply: You ask him.

 

You tell him what you told us and then you tell him what you saw and you ask him why and when. Then you discuss deleting your profiles altogether since you are in a committed, monogamous relationship and neither of you should still have profiles up.

 

You'll have to learn how to be able to talk to your boyfriend about stuff that has you obsessive thinking about something or your relationship is toast anyway so you might as well find out what, if anything he's been up to.

Fair enough Bat not familiar with Tinder.

 

However, if there is no other explanation other than he wanted single women to see it and have a positive reaction to it, then why bother asking at all?

 

Simply figure out if this is a behavior you find acceptable in a bf, your bf, and if you don't, then walk. Tell him why.

 

I would not expect him to be honest about it anyway.

Why haven’t either one of you actually deleted your accounts (not just the app)?

except he has added a picture -- one that I took while we were on vacation together. I have no way of knowing when he posted this picture, was it a year ago or last week?

 

Well, when did you go on this holiday together? Were you exclusive then? How long have you been dating?

 

You say you haven't used Tinder for 1.5 years, and that you've been living with him for 1 year. So I gather you met and moved in quite quickly.

 

In any event, you will need to simply ask him about it. It doesn't look good, I will give you that. People generally aren't going to update their dating profiles unless they're on the hunt.

Well, when did you go on this holiday together? Were you exclusive then?

 

^This. It's all that matters. If you were exclusive at the time the picture was taken, he's not to be trusted. At all. There's really nothing he can say in his defense. If you were just casually dating then it's all good, let it go.

Yeah, he updated the profile because he's using it. I cant say if in what way he's using it, but you should definitely be concerned.

Fair enough Bat not familiar with Tinder.

Tinder is primarily a hook up dating app.

 

However, if there is no other explanation other than he wanted single women to see it and have a positive reaction to it, then why bother asking at all?

To understand and to help make a decision on the facts.

 

Simply figure out if this is a behavior you find acceptable in a bf, your bf, and if you don't, then walk. Tell him why.

Or, you could talk about it and see if he's willing to have a similar romantic relationship boundary as you first and then if he's not on board with that and still wants to act single (by getting female attention) then you walk.

 

I would not expect him to be honest about it anyway.

Well, if there is a reasonable explanation and he immediately is willing to delete the account while she deletes hers then that would prove that the reasonable explanation was the truth and that he is willing to do what it takes to keep her in his life.

It looks like a year ago, this guy was an ex of yours? Or you were dating your current boyfriend but were on several dating apps (per last year's post)? A lot of things here are convoluted, but it sounds feasible he'd have added it during that time.

 

Ask if you'd like. He answers with "added it last year when we were broken up," what then? Call it a hunch, but I don't see that just turning into an "OK, cool" moment. Not really seeing the point.

He is also a wonderful boyfriend.

But I need to address this, but not sure how to go about it.

Talk to him and ask him why and when. Then let us know what you're going to do (depending on his answer).

Have you broken up in the time since that vacation pic was taken, and got back together afterward? Asking because if you've broken up, even for a bit, or taken any sort of a break, he could have added that photo, which is why it's there.

 

If you've been exclusively together from the time of that vacation photo to now, then yeah, I smell a rat.

I'd be just as concerned as you are. You have every right to confront him about this, especially if he is using a picture from a vacation with two of you. Why else would he want to be on Tinder? Yeah I would definitely say something about that.

Have there been more relationship/cohabiting problems lately? It seems neither of you are as committed or trusting as you think and are holding this together because of cohabiting.

We originally met on Tinder - I downloaded the app. he has added a picture -- one that I took while we were on vacation together.

Sure, there's reason for concern here. How much concern depends on the situation.

 

If you broke up at all since that pic was taken, he could have added it then. Totally within bounds, nothing to be angry about. The first thing a lot of people do after a break up is go back on the apps, do some updating, often just for a little distraction and ego soothing. Lord knows I've done that plenty.

 

And if that's the explanation you get, and you want to be together, you have to just take it and move on.

 

If you guys haven't broken up since that pic was taken—well, then yes: at some point, for some reason, he updated his profile in a way that is not cool. Not really sure if there's a soothing explanation there.

 

Point being, I think it's fine to bring this up, because otherwise you're just going to be spinning in your head. But if there was a window after that trip when you guys weren't together, you have to approach this with some calm.