Trying to mend

I guess I'm here by accident really. After trawling the web for a way to mend or even live with a broken heart. Nearly 6 months after the end of the relationship with a girl I thought was the one, I'm still struggling to come to terms with the empty, alone and totally lost feeling I have every day.

If I'm honest I still love her a much as ever and if I could find a way to win her back I would.

I've tried to move on with having no contact since the end of September, deleting all photographs, I've even moved 25 miles away back to where I was before I met her, I've had councilling which helped a little and I'm trying mindfulness at the moment to see if that can shake the (to put it mildly) the absolute mess I'm in.

To be tearful most days is not fun, I'm 47, had relationships before, but this one has shaken me to the core.

I invested so much into it but everything became unraveled, due to some mistakes on both our parts, but mainly an incredible run of bad luck( if I wrote what happened you probably wouldn't believe it!), which resulted in the breakup last August, and then my eventual breakdown.

Basically I feel like I've been permanently damaged and wonder if I'll ever be the same. Any advice or help would be greatfuly received.

What happened exactly? What was the “bad luck”? How long were you together?

What happened exactly? What was the “bad luck”? How long were you together?

Hi Daisy May Porter,

We met through an internet dating site and were together for just over two and a half years, I've got to say I fell for her the moment I saw her. Looking back at the time I think we both really needed each other and it was an escape especially for her from issues she had at home and a demanding job. I've been told by the councillor I've been seeing that basically i was her rescuer which I probably was.

I don't really want to go into the bad luck, but after a year and a half I sold my house and moved. We'd grown very close and their was even talk of marriage. You could say i followed my heart to be closer to her, but as soon as I did everything that could go wrong did.

So just over a year later I'm on my own living in a bedsit trying to rebuild my life, it's not the time wasted the money I've lost, the effort I put in with nothing to show for it. It's the broken heart that's the biggest challenge. I know deep down it's over and I've got to let go but it's so hard.

Did you sell your house to move closer to her? And did you move in with her?

Hi Treetop*

Glad you're here. Writing stuff out and seeing others going through it can help and also help you to realize you're not alone in your plight.

Some videos on this channel may help as well - https://www.youtube.com/user/CameroneProductions

It can be a long slow painful process. So be patient and kind to yourself.

You will learn things and gain strength through this.

Hope this helps a bit.

Carus*

Are you so broken up over this because you love her? Or, is it that you feel you won’t be able to find someone else to spend you life with?

Thank you for the replies, if only I'd found this site a few months earlier, I think things would have been easier deal with.

I did sell up to be as close as I could to her, although I didn't move in, which I really wanted. I have a daughter who I see twice a week and stays over and Sarah had two of her own. With room at a premium. Looking back (hindsight is a wonderful thing!) Not ideal at all, but it was only a stepping stone to something better. I was less than five minutes away, but to be honest it never felt right.

Anyway the house I bought was a wreak, if you've seen the film, The money pit, with Tom hanks, that pretty much sums it up, a bad survey and really terrible advice from my solicitor didn't help. I spent a lot of time putting it right myself as I'm in the construction trade it came in handy but costs escalated it took everything I had and in the end i needed to borrow £10000 off a relative to get me through during this I was trying to see as much of the girl I moved there for, as we'll as doing a 50 mile round trip for my job, see my daughter, and my elderly mum. Working 15 hours some days and trying to juggle everything took its toll on my health. During this Sarah said she'd been diagnosed with ADHD I'm 99%sure she knew she had it for a long time as she always hinted at something but never let on, she was quite untidy and forgetful, but nothing I thought as serious as ADHD. I really think that along with the nightmare of a house I'd bought put pressures on our relationship which made it so hard to get through. In the end we split in August, and I've not seen her since. I've got to say it broke my heart into a million pieces, in the end I had a breakdown, but spent the time I was meant to on the sick, getting the house in a fit state to sell, I didn't know anyone in the town I'd moved to apart from Sarah so felt very alone, there's no anger or blame just real sadness. And lessons learned.