Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24

Thread: I have became verbally abusive to my GF and can't stop..

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    21

    I have became verbally abusive to my GF and can't stop..

    I met my GF about 5.5 years ago fell deeply in love but she had some major issues, was massively controlling, violent, regular panic attacks and after the honeymoon period the relationship was a constant battle with extreme highs and lows. I was very caring, just wanted to help, never retaliated and could never have imagined myself becoming the way I am now. (I should have walked away and i did a few times but we always got back together).

    Fast forward to now and she has improved dramatically hasn't been violent for years, still a bit of a pain in the ass but probably closer to the realms of a normal GF. The problem is now I am full of resentment and anger from how she treat me in the past, I get angry so easily, am ultra-sensitive to any attempts of controlling behavior and when we argue i can't stop myself saying horrendous things.

    "psycho, head, mental, retard, stupid cow" and telling her i'm only like this because of her past abuse.

    I want to change and be more like the guy I was, I've tried to stop, but don't know how...

    also I'm completely off sex with her which i imagine is probably related to the resentment.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    4,569
    No, you can't use the excuse that you didn't like how she acted, past, present or future, so you had to be abusive...it doesn't work that way.

    If you don't like how she is, if the sex is bad, if she's not a good gf, if you're not happy....leave.

    But the abuse is all on YOUR shoulders, no excuses.

    Get some anger management classes and/or decide if the relationship is even worth fixing. If it is..get help with the abuse asap. Possibly even go into couples counselling or personal counselling.

    But never is it okay to blame someone for abuse you hand out.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    21
    I agree, however I still know that it's happening because of the severe mental and physical abuse I experienced from her, so I find it difficult to accept complete responsibility in my own mind. It's not like i'm not satisfied with aspects of the relationship so i'm being abusive, I was regularly punched by someone i loved because of their own insecurities, as well as emotionally abused. She's changed for the most part which is great but I am still scarred and have changed for the worse.

    Couples therapy probably the right move when we can afford it

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    14,308
    Your abuse is on you. Her past is no excuse. You both sound toxic for each other and if she fills you with resentment then there is no relationship anymore. Do the right thing for both of you and end it once and for all.

    Then go for anger management to help you sort out all of your issues and general therapy to help you get into a more mentally healthy place.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    4,569
    If she's abusive or was...leave...two wrongs don't make a right.

    It will never make any sense to become abusive due to someone else. If they are bad to you, leave.,,,end of.

    But by the sounds of it, you're both really wrong for each other and very toxic towards each other.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    21
    Doesn't seem fair to say its completely down to yourself and past history is irrelevant. I know namecalling is completely unacceptable and it's not an excuse but can't pretend that it's completely me after what i've experienced. I'm not an angry person i'm extremely laid back, my anger is exclusive to this relationship just an unhealthy reaction to the abuse i experienced which i am currently struggling to control.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    21
    I disagree about wrong for each other, we were a great match however she had a lot of issues, conflict was inevitable with any relationship she got into. I chose to stay and battle through it in hopes she would change, and for the sake of the relationship she has improved. I'm not going to end the relationship.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    30,492
    Gender
    Male
    Two wrongs don't make a right. You need to stop the dependency on her, end it and move out.
    Originally Posted by whatthe32
    I still know that it's happening because of the severe mental and physical abuse I experienced from her.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    21
    I know, not ready to walk away though.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    4,569
    I don't know how else to explain it.

    If she's making you angry...leave. But you retaliating and being abusive, is not right. If she has bad behavior then break up, but why let her make you into someone too with bad behavior?
    But your choice to stay and become abusive too, will never be right and that is YOUR choice to behave like that. You don't get to blame that on her. You decide on your own to be abusive.

    What I mean by toxic is that you're affecting each other badly. You are worse off people due to one another.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •