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Thread: Anyone else find it hard to be patient with their SO?

  1. #1
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    Anyone else find it hard to be patient with their SO?

    Hi everybody . I'm new on here and just looking to give and get advice!

    My current dilemma without getting into everyyyyything. My SO and I have a one year old and one due this Feb. After having our first for awhile our bond was amazing . It was truly like a honeymoon period. Well that's how I ended up pregnant again right. The last few months have been tense. All the years we were together I was madly in love and felt like he could do no wrong . Now it's like everything he does is wrong .

    Part of me thinks it's hormones because some of its irrational like him breathing or chewing too loud . But another part is bigger...its things he's always done that I've looked past but now annoy the he'll out of me . Hello... I'm heavily pregnant. Don't get much sleep as our first child is still a huge handful. And he is a great dad but not very romantic or anything . I could write a long list of things he does.

    Thing is we talked everything out and we both want to work on things . I say I will pick my battles and be more patient ..but then something arises that annoys me and it's sooo hard not to turn into a nagging witch. I know in my heart the only way our relationship will happily survive is if I learn to let the small things go. And I do still love him and want to make things work . I can't fathom walking away over petty problems and my inability to pick my battles and let the small things go .

    Does any body have any tips I can use to help when I am feeling frustrated or irrationally annoyed ??? Actually I went away for over a week with our 1yo to visit family thinking the space would help. I don't know if I can say it has. I miss him but am expecting things will go sour again as I just can't stop picking fights and he does not back down when I do .

    Thanks for reading this . And I will provide examples of things that set me off. He stays up all night and then is cranky and won't get out of bed in the morning. He doesn't take care of himself than complains he has a headache ..is sluggish etc . It drives me to insanity y'all . ...

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It is always best to remember we are not perfect either and our partner could have a laundry list about us that drive them bat crap crazy.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Make an appointment with your doctor and discuss the irritability/anger to make sure nothing physical is going on and get a referral to a therapist to examine the irritability, feeling overwhelmed and trying to adjust. Henpecking your partner to death harms everyone involved and does not address the real problems.
    Originally Posted by Kysmommy
    Part of me thinks it's hormones because some of its irrational like him breathing or chewing too loud
    I'm heavily pregnant. Don't get much sleep as our first child is still a huge handful

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's a combination of hormones and adjusting to being new parents.

    Divorce is actually quite high after a couple has a baby. The dynamic changes. The couple is no longer the center of attention, the baby now is. It's far more difficult to find romance as compared to before.

    Many factors into why a relationship truly struggles after a baby. There is far more stress, lack of sleep, trying to cope as parents and the stresses of how to parent in itself.

    It's a lot.

    You need for your hormones to adjust themselves once this baby is born and secondly, seriously consider going into couples therapy.

    These are going to be some very tough years coming up, you'll need all the help you can get to make it through as a couple.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    It is always best to remember we are not perfect either and our partner could have a laundry list about us that drive them bat crap crazy.
    I do that too. It helps. Here is what I do also - 4-7-8 breathing -weill method -not just when I am annoyed -i do it before bed, I "practice" it so when I really need it I do it right.
    Sleep deprivation magnifies all of this so be aware and make sleep a top priority -no screen time for a few hours before bed, no caffeine in the afternoon, stop drinking fluids before bed, etc - do whatever you can to increase your sleep. It's no joke to have this level of sleep deprivation.
    And I do things like take it out on scrambled eggs- yup, I beat those eggs senseless. I do cardio every single day. No matter what -you are pregnant so adjust accordingly but you must get yourself moving and clear your head. And yes, keep it in -it's "hard" but you have to. The end. It's your job to calm yourself down and your job to find other outlets for reacting to your irritation/frustration.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Have you been doing anything romantic for him?

    I imagine not. Which is fine - new baby and all - but temper your expectations. And if you start to get annoyed, just say something. ďIím feeling irrationally annoyed. Iím going to take a stroll around the blockĒ. Own it. Get away from it. And come back and give him a kiss for letting you take your space.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Thanks for reading this . And I will provide examples of things that set me off. He stays up all night and then is cranky and won't get out of bed in the morning. He doesn't take care of himself than complains he has a headache ..is sluggish etc . It drives me to insanity y'all
    Maybe he does that because he feels beatdown from all the criticizing?

    I think maybe you are both just beat and "beatdown" from coping with a one year old while pregnant and you no longer are one another's focus in a husband/wife dynamic but rather a mommy/daddy dynamic in which you are both over-worked.

    Have you thought about couples counseling? Would he be willing to do the work with you in front of an unbiased mediator who will guide you both into reinvesting in the loving connection you both had before junior came into the picture?

    How about leaving your one year old with parents while you and hubby go on an over-nighter which will help you to put the focus back on one another? You don't even have to have or expect to have sex but rather just start to get the husband/wife vibe back into your routine.

    You can do all the exercises us here can offer to you and it won't help you to accept him for who he is currently unless you know you are capable of acceptance (of his ways) without complaint.

    Good luck. Do something as a team before the new baby arrives or you are going to find yourself overwhelmed, depressed and resentful until your relationship ends.


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