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Thread: Hurting for a reason?

  1. #1

    Hurting for a reason?

    Kind of a long story...

    I met a guy online 2 years ago... on an online game, something we both share in common is the love and dedication we have for said game. A few weeks after meeting him, I fell for him so fast I couldn't breathe anymore. I kept falling more and more in love with him and couldn't stop, I liked him so much it scared me. Thats when that I disappeared on him... I went full ghost and ceased all contact with him.

    A year later (December 2017) I talked to him again. I saw him online after quitting the game for a year, so I messaged him and we.. "caught up," by telling each other how we had been and other life events that happened in the year that we stopped talking. I had a baby in June, only 6 months prior to his return, and he was taken back by it but he still seemed like he cared. When we started talking again he seemed sluggish, transparent and tense, which is understandable... in reality, I never knew he felt the same way, though. Between December and March things were remarkable and he proposed to me Mid-March. I said yes because those scary quick feelings exceeded again and I couldn't stop again... we planned a flight for me to go see him for the end June/July 4th. It was a wonderful trip, we both had so much fun, from seeing the Yankees in yankee stadium to going upstate New York for his birthday. 11 days was all I had with him, but they were unforgettable.

    This is the issue... after that trip things got complicated. Those feelings of doubt crept up again, and I kept pushing him away and we started fights with each other and he called me really mean names, always pushed my buttons and got ill towards the smallest things... it kept getting worse to the point where I completely ceased contact again for the month of October. I caved and began talking to him again in November because of how much I missed him and his persistence in messaging me... every day he texted me things and told me he loved me, etc. We planned another trip for me to go back to New York for Christmas/New Years... that was a huge mistake... the whole trip I felt miserable and sad and it was nothing but fights and arguments and things ended up getting so heated, that he kept taunting me and calling me names, so I slapped him, and he physically choked me multiple times...

    Our chemistry is unending. But he lives with his mom and does nothing all day but play games and he promises that he'll get a job to support me and my child, but I have my own life planned and I'm living with severe depression so it's hard to trust him. Hes told me all year he would do something but he didnt. He had surgery in august on his neck, so hes been using that as an excuse. I dont know what to do. I love him something mad, stronger than words but all we do is hurt each other...

    What should I do? 😞

  2. #2
    Gold Member
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    The physical violence should end it. Even emotional abuse should end it, but the physical violence? Do you want to leave your child orphaned? Do you want to kill your ability to work due to injuries, let alone emotional trauma? Do you want to raise your child in such an environment where his own safety is jeopardized? Where he/she learns to either abuse or be abused? Get with the program and call it quits with this guy. He is abusive and angry and has a fair amount of self-loathing that manifests in these violent outbursts. You can't fix him. You need to work on your depression and your psyche. The fact you don't think highly enough of yourself to put up with that behavior, and with a guy who refuses to even work, is a real problem. If you don't do this for yourself, do it for your child. Do not associate with this man ever again.

  3. #3
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    This man is addicted to gaming. The worst thing you can do is to enter a relationship with a man thinking that you can change him. He is not going to change. You need to accept that he is lazy if you want to stay with him. Being lazy is not a good quality when you need someone stable and helpful to you and your child.

  4. #4
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    Addicted to gaming is the least of your problems OP, I agree with purple, when it gets to the point where you're slapping him and he's choking you, it needs to END immediately!

    Frankly I think you are both too immature to handle having anything even remotely resembling a functional relationship let alone a loving one, you keep pushing him away, and then there's the fighting, taunting, the verbal and physical abuse, etc etc etc.

    I realize the chemistry is intoxicating, but chemistry is not nearly enough to sustain such a toxic dysfunctional mess as this, in fact it may be adding to it, because as I said neither of one of you is emotionally mature enough to handle these feelings -- clearly.

    May I ask how old you both are?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You and the child's father are responsible for supporting yourself and your child. Make sure you are working and making enough money and make sure you have a child support order in place. If you have financial problems go to social services and see if you qualify for assistance with food, medical care, housing, job-training, child care etc.

    Enlist the help of your friends and family and if you can't afford things perhaps move in with family. You are not going to get a loser slouch to start taking care of you. You need to start taking care of yourself and your physical and mental health and your child and stop wasting time on this loser. Does he have an alcohol or drug habit?
    Originally Posted by ThaneOfFalkr
    he lives with his mom and does nothing all day but play games and he promises that he'll get a job to support me and my child. I love him something mad, stronger than words but all we do is hurt each other.

  7. 01-15-2019, 05:25 AM
    Reason
    Troll

  8. 01-15-2019, 05:27 AM
    Reason
    Troll


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