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Thread: My 14-day Journal for a 2 Week Break- By a Serial relationship sabotager

  1. #11

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    Dec 2018
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    Day 2

    I said I wasn't going to talk about the bad parts of him, but to heal I feel I need to write them down.

    Yesterday I was sad and I blamed myself I was self loathing. I told myself I had a problem. Today I don't feel that way. Every time I broke up with in the past, I really did want to break up with him. My problem isn't breaking up with him, my problem is having confidence in my decisions. I do mental mind tricks and find ways to blame myself and everything is me.

    Fact, of the matter, is that my boyfriend is insensitive. He is not thoughtful, he does not think about me. My grandma was just part of it. No one knows the awful response he gave to my initial request. The inhuman response I got when I told him I just found out my grandma was going to die and I didn't want to be alone.

    My boyfriend is not thoughtful. In our whole year together, not one time, not even our first date was anything suggested because of what I enjoy or like to do. We rarely did anything that I liked to do. We mostly did things he wanted, or I wanted to do something I had to make it appeal to him somehow. There always had to be something in it for him. If it was not appealing to him it would be a 20-30 minute convincing talk which resulted in dragging him along. On a rare occasion to his surprise, he discovered he enjoyed whatever I dragged him to.

    He's a simple guy he likes drinking, eating a limited selection of food, and watching sports. That's it. We don't have anything in common.

    It i want to go to a bar they always they had to carry his favorite drink or he didn't want to go. He didn't want to try new food. Once I got him to go to a place i really wanted and he made sure to let me know he hated it the entire time thus ruining the whole experience for me anyway. I have gotten so used to everything being on his terms now when I suggest anything I know I have to make it appealing to him off the bat, fight about it, or just argue in a loop that ends with us staying home and then him complaining that we never go out, when all we do is go out.

    We couldn't even watch a single tv show together in the entire year we were together. Not for more than 15 minutes. I tried. I told him I wanted to get into a show together. I tried to find things that I thought would be interesting to him. I even asked him to pick something. In our entire year together we didn't watch a single thing on TV together for more than 15 minutes. Instead, I asked him to get headphones many times over a year he never bothered to. He would sit in bed watching something on his phone and make it louder than my tv. He didn't think of me. So I bought him headphones he complained he didn't like them and refused to use them. He also woke me up much time with his TV on the phone and refusal to get headphones, even on days when I had not slept at all.

    I make a 1/3 of what he makes. Yet I spared no expense I took him to his favorite thing in the world for his birthday, kept it a surprise to the very end, baked a cake and arranged for people to bring it out. He didn't eat it, he threw it out after one bite. I did the same for Christmas I got him something with him in mind spared no expense. For Christmas, he got me a gift card to a store I never mentioned, and would never shop at, not even to something I liked. I felt like it was a re-gift. A month before my Birthday while on the trip I got him for Christmas I offered to pay for myself the entire time, he said no he liked paying for me, but in the middle of a dinner at a place he chose that was to his liking that we were going to go to regardless in the very middle of it he announced that was my Birthday present. It was not a place I would ever pick, I wasn't taken out special for my birthday. He didn't plan anything, he didn't think of me in the least bit. it was just they were out so this is your gift and I'm going to put it on this gift card this client gave to me. Your Birthday is a month from now, but this is it.

    The fact of the matter is my boyfriend was not thoughtful. When I broke up with him it was for this very reason. Inside I know I don't want to spend my life with this person. I'm not even allowed to talk about things he's not interested in. He talks over me and I can't finish my thought or saying what bothers me. It's not my problem. He's an ass and I don't want him back.

    I deserve to be with someone who at the very least takes me out for my Birthday.

    I don't want him back just doing any contact.

    Also connected to me my dog that i love very much. He enjoyed aggrivating my dog and did it all of the time despite me asking to stop repeaditly. He put his foot up his but in bed which would make my dog snap. He seemed to get a kick out of it because he always did it. He did it until he got a reactionf from my dog and got upset if i didn't punish my dog for something he instigated. My dog is very sweet and loving and docile and he tolerated it quite a bit. It takes a lot to make him snap.

    I don't want to be with him.
    Last edited by Shell112; 01-11-2019 at 12:40 PM.

  2. #12
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    your breaking your own journal rules on day 2? not good. lol.

  3. #13
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    This is not the place for journaling. There is a specific area on the site for this purpose.

    Don't really understand why you were with this guy, if he behaved in this manner. This should have been done long ago. Why did you choose to stay for so long? You are also complicit in this.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree with Holly, it's confusing. Unfortunately this is in the "getting back together" forum. Why not check out the journals forum? [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Shell112
    this is my journal.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    i don't think she's reading any feedbck.. just writing what she wants... hence "journal"....
    it would be better to ask the admins to close this thread down since it's inappropriate/unrelated to where it's being posted.

  7. #16

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    Dec 2018
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    With all due respect. When you people write about day, 1, 2, 3, in your not main no contact thread you are journaling your days the same way. It is appropriate because this is my way of doing no contact. I am in the no contact forumn If you dont' want to read it then don't.

  8. #17

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    Dec 2018
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    This entire thread is one public journal: [Register to see the link]

    if you don't like this thread don't read it. Thanks.

  9. #18
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    This is not the place for journaling!

    I notified the moderator.

  10. #19

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    Dec 2018
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    How about a little respec tthis is a place to post and heal. You all are vicious nasty people. I'm notifying the moderator of you too.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Shell112
    How about a little respec tthis is a place to post and heal. You all are vicious nasty people. I'm notifying the moderator of you too.
    Have a nice weekend :)

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