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Thread: Making sense of dating a married woman

  1. #51
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Smiling12
    Thank you SherrySher. I do appreciate the advice, even the hard to hear. Tough road ahead of me and anyone this affected
    The weird thing about crossing major boundaries is... even after "going there", we are still multifaceted humans just as we were before we went into tawdry waters. Please make sure to view yourself through all perspectives, not just this one episode. And consider Annia's point - it is true that we often choose people whose inner dynamic mirrors something within ourselves. Perhaps you and this woman both feel stuck, half in and half out of a relationship, despite you being fully single and she being fully married. Maybe the gift of this experience is the discovery that you need to let go of that past experience, just let it go so that it doesn't define you or shadow you. Or maybe it is something else... but something here provides a mirror for you to find within yourself and address it. Which is a true gift, because that work is what will lead you closer to the relationship you seek.

    Which when you are ready to receive it, will be available to you.

  2. #52
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    IAmFCA wow, ok. Definitely something for me to look at. Looked into codependency last night. I certainly didnít check all the boxes but quite a few I think I do.
    In respect to the mirror thing, off the top of my head she comes of as unnecessarily insecure about herself. I think I can say the same about myself. Not sure if this is something you are referring to, but I definitely will think about that some more. Thanks

  3. #53
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Smiling12
    IAmFCA wow, ok. Definitely something for me to look at. Looked into codependency last night. I certainly didnít check all the boxes but quite a few I think I do.
    In respect to the mirror thing, off the top of my head she comes of as unnecessarily insecure about herself. I think I can say the same about myself. Not sure if this is something you are referring to, but I definitely will think about that some more. Thanks
    Yes! Fantastic work. Bravo.

    Keep opening scary doors as you are doing. Peace lies down this path. Well done.

  4. #54
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    Thanks. I realize this is a raw subject for most here so I appreciate the help.

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  6. #55
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    'Cheaters lie.
    They lie about absolutely everything. Their life, their relationship. They are the perpetual victim that you are supposed to feel sorry for and rescue them from their horrible existence.....so "horrible" that they just never seem to leave their spouse for some mysterious reason....hmm....what could it be....hmmm...oh yeah! because they LIE about the real state of their relationship.

    Basically, she is a low life cheating wh...without any kind of values or morals and the same goes for you'

    Sigh. There should be some kind of warning on this forum along the lines of: 'if you have cheated on your partner or are seeing someone in a relationship please kindly do not bother posting for advice because you are low life scum with no morals, a monster and deserve to rot in hell. And no, your specific circumstances do not matter. Thank you'.

  7. #56
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    The only thing I can suggest is that you put this whole affair quite firmly behind you and concentrate on building up your own life and self-esteem. You've investigated the idea of codependency and, I guess, will have recognised yourself in the person who fixates on someone who is basically unavailable and then keeps waiting and hoping they'll change. This is true of partners of alcoholics and drug addicts, of course, unless they seek recovery for themselves.

    If she's caught in an abusive relationship, that is her choice and only she can decide to end it. It's not your responsibility. In fact, by being there for her you will actually have made her destructive choices easier for her and therefore enabled the behaviour. If she is ever going to change her situation, she will do so after hitting her own rock bottom and then deciding "enough"; by preventing this process of hitting rock bottom you are effectively prolonging the whole process.

    You are right to cut off all contact with her. Now you need to concentrate on YOU. Don't trouble yourself as to whether you were being played, or whether it was "real". Just let yourself know that this woman had nothing real to give you, and move on with a life which doesn't include her.

    Good luck!

  8. #57
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    Thank you nutbrownhare. You are 100% accurate. When I started, I was asking myself the wrong question.

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