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Thread: Making sense of dating a married woman

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I told her upfront I wasn't here for an affair
    Yet you continued on with your pursuit of her anyway. It begs the question: Why are you afraid of commitment. You clearly are if you were in clear pursuit of someone that was not free to be in a commitment with you.

    Her story is not a new one. It is what the majority of cheaters tell and how this ended up is what ends up like the majority of times as well.

    Forget about her and work on yourself and figure out why it is you are afraid to be with someone who is free to be with you so that you stop getting yourself into stupid and futile situations like this again.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Smiling12
    Yeah Iím not right in any of this. I can admit that. I am a trusting person and choose to believe she was getting out as she fed me bits along that way. My fault for crossing the line. In the beginning I choose to believe it with good intentions and along the way, probably got caught wanting it to be true more than it probably was.
    If you believed she was getting out, why didn't you wait for her to actually get before getting involved with her, since you trusted she'd divorce him soon?

  3. #13
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    Annia, I believe I was. Most all our interactions were innocent. Just discussing each otherís day, kids, work. The few times we did meet at work or wherever, would be sitting and talking. I was actually told by a counselor that it is almost always common that people date from the moment that start going through a divorce. Again, I felt I was staying in the moment at the time and felt she was discussing with her kids and family about divorcing her husband. And having conversations with him on how to start separate bank accounts etc. My divorce took 2.5 years from filing to finish and everyone thought I should have been dating during that. Didnít seem out of line at the time to have what was greatly an all texting relationship.

  4. #14
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    You said you were making out and having sex.

    And in your case you actually filed for divorce. This woman you were involved with never got around to filing, did she?

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Sorry, should have been more clear. Any making out was months into the texting. And doing the math. it was 8 months after we had sex the one time. At that point she was telling her mom and talking to her kids about getting a divorce. To me, I felt that was serious enough to have no reason to believe she wasnít getting divorced.
    My sister in law worked with her husband at the time to go through a divorce without lawyers to save money. The filing and granting of the divorce was virtually done at the same time and over with after they worked everything out

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Smiling12
    Yeah Iím not right in any of this. I can admit that. I am a trusting person and choose to believe she was getting out as she fed me bits along that way. My fault for crossing the line. In the beginning I choose to believe it with good intentions and along the way, probably got caught wanting it to be true more than it probably was.
    "Good intentions" by cheating with a married woman. Really? You are like a white knight! Now, I have heard it all.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You were not being played, once you found out that she was married. You made an informed choice to stay and get involved in her messy life. Was that wrong? Yes and it's now payback time for you. Make sure that you learn the lesson and loose the "white knight" mentality that got you into this mess.

  9. #18
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    Holly, I understand, but the statement ďwith good intentionsĒ meant that I was trusting being told see divorcing her husband. Iím no white knight, but I think we know everything in life isnít black and white. I shouldnít have let it get physical before a divorce was final or filled for or something concrete and thatís conpletely on me and my misjudgment.

  10. #19
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    Agreed Clio. I think thatís why Iím searching to understand how I got here. I made a bad decision along the way. Was I trying to help someone I felt a connection with and let that blind good decision making, or am I a person who is susceptible to being manipulated myself and need to address that in my life

  11. #20
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    Even if there hadn't been any sex, you were cheating with her emotionally.

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