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Thread: Should I reconnect with my ex bestfriend that I haven't spoken to in 6 years?

  1. #1
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    Should I reconnect with my ex bestfriend that I haven't spoken to in 6 years?

    Hi there, I am really in need of some anonymous advice concerning reconnecting with my ex best friend. Sorry if this is long but I will try to make this as simple as possible.

    I became friends with this girl when we were 11 years old and we were best friends all throughout middle school, high school, and into college. We did everything together, went on vacations together, and even worked at the same place. My husband and her lived next door to each other growing up, and she is the reason him and I met. The three of us were really good friends for a long time.

    Then on her 21st birthday, we had a huge falling out. She had become friends with a new group of people who I felt did not like me and she was just not the same person anymore. Long story short, there was just a bunch of stupid, immature drama that occurred the night of her birthday involving these new friends. We texted each other a few times about a week after that night, and now almost 6 years later, we have not spoken to each other or seen each other since.

    I was pretty bitter for a long time, and felt that she had chosen her new friends over me. One of these friends reached out to me online about a year or two after the fall out, but I ignored her message because I didn't understand why my friend couldn't have been the one to try and talk to me.

    My life has been really busy and crazy over the last almost 6 years, and honestly I haven't thought about her too much until recently. My husband's parents are friends with her parents (they're neighbors) so they tell me things about her life every now and then, even though I didn't ask or really care to know. However, I have found out recently that she now lives in the same town as my husband and I, and on the same exact road, just a few miles down from us. She even drives the same exact car as I do now. I know this is a little silly and could just be coincidental, but I can't help to feel that we are being drawn back to each other. What are the chances that after all these years she now only lives a few miles down from my house? I have also been having dreams about her where we have reconnected.

    It feels like something is telling me to try and reach out to her, but I don't know what to say or how she will react. I have seen her social media profiles, and to be honest she seems super happy and has a ton of new friends, so why would she even want to talk to me anymore? I don't want to appear like I am lonely, lacking friends, or desperate for her friendship again (because I am not), I just can't shake this weird feeling that we are meant to connect again.

    Any advice on the situation would be much appreciated! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

  2. #2
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    I completely get where you are coming from, I am thinking of reconnecting with a friend or at least brushing things under the carpet - but no where near as deep and as long a parting as yours!

    It sounds like you's both maybe where at a point in your lives where you were finding yourselves, i think we all do at that age, it's easy to have the same friends in school but once you leave, you meet new people and start changing to suit the "group". You might find that after what happened you may have changed or made new friends etc at some point, and you might be totally different to who you were in school and at that time.

    It is one of those things that will either go one way or the other, she might be thinking the same thing at some point!
    If you don't give it a go you might regret it, if it goes sour.. then you know you're relationship wasn't meant to last and you can put it to bed. :) Hope this helps!

  3. #3
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    You have nothing to lose by reaching out.

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    I would give it a shot and if she's not interested in rekindling your friendship, so be it. At least, you'll know you've tried :)

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Reconnect with her on social media but keep it in the "classmate/acquaintance" category until you can decide if you want to socialize or restart the friendship.

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    Originally Posted by BanksC
    I completely get where you are coming from, I am thinking of reconnecting with a friend or at least brushing things under the carpet - but no where near as deep and as long a parting as yours!

    It sounds like you's both maybe where at a point in your lives where you were finding yourselves, i think we all do at that age, it's easy to have the same friends in school but once you leave, you meet new people and start changing to suit the "group". You might find that after what happened you may have changed or made new friends etc at some point, and you might be totally different to who you were in school and at that time.

    It is one of those things that will either go one way or the other, she might be thinking the same thing at some point!
    If you don't give it a go you might regret it, if it goes sour.. then you know you're relationship wasn't meant to last and you can put it to bed. :) Hope this helps!
    Thank you for answering! Now that I have grown up and matured a lot, that is how I look back on the situation. We were just young and immature and trying to figure out who we were. Honestly, it's been so long I can't even remember exactly what happened or who said what! I am sure she has thought about me throughout the years, but I feel like she might think the whole thing was my fault and that I am the one who walked away from her.

    I do feel like she would probably hear me out, but I don't know if she would want to be friends again. I am not even sure that is what I am looking for. I guess I just feel like I want to clear the air and rid myself of any negative energy associated with her and the situation. Plus, now that she randomly lives down the road from me, I want to straighten things out in case we ever run into each other in town (which knowing my life would happen lol). I could see us possibly being friends again, but that makes me nervous because she is still really close with the friends that took part in our falling out... and I don't want anything to do with them.

    You're right though, I will never know if I just don't go for it, and I don't want to end up regretting never trying.

    Good luck with reconnecting with your friend! Hope all goes well for you :)

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Reconnect with her on social media but keep it in the "classmate/acquaintance" category until you can decide if you want to socialize or restart the friendship.
    This is my plan for reconnecting with her. Right now I'm torn between just adding her as a friend and seeing what happens, or just sending her a short thoughtful message apologizing and asking how she's been.

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    I would reconnect and save the apology for if you speak in person. I have been in similar situations and made different choices based on the individual facts. In one case what I did was send her a Facebook message (she had recently joined, we have mutual friends and on Facebook) because I heard she'd had a baby. The last time we interacted had been 8 years previously when I had a baby -at that point I had stopped talking to her for two years (friends since we were 10 years old or so, so this was 30 plus years later) - and she knew why -it was obvious -she'd become horrible to me and said and written unforgivable things -I was done (again, we'd gone through stuff like that before). When she contacted me right after our son was born I replied politely and thanked her for respecting my need for space especially as a new mom. When I wrote to her I was simple and direct -that I was thrilled to hear she'd had a baby (in her late 40s) and that I wished her all the best and that I remembered her thoughtful message when my son was born. She responded promptly with thanks and wishing me well too. And that was all. I don't think I would have been open to reconnecting.

  10. #9
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    I agree. Apologize in person.

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    I wouldn't message her with a long-winded apology right away, I would definitely save that for in person (if she wanted to talk). I just thought I could be light about it and say something like, "I'm sorry about what happened. Just wondering how you've been. I heard you live down the road from me now." I feel like the initial message would need some type of light apology. I just think it would be too weird after all this time to just be like, "Hey how's it going?!" She would be confused.

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