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Thread: Sex and Self love after break up

  1. #1
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    Sex and Self love after break up

    Hello,

    I recently (1 week) ended an intense 6 month relationship with someone. The break up was fairly mutual and we had a full day of talking, crying and explaining how we felt. I feel closure with this which makes it somewhat easier to let go. I am in the stage now where although I can see why and the benefit of letting go, everything hurts. Everything reminds me of our time together, my neighborhood, my apartment, local shops and pubs.. everything. This includes sex and masturbation. I can't bear the thought of being with someone new/else right now and although I have had moments of feeling turned on by my own thoughts, I don't want to do anything about it.

    One reason is because during our break up we did have sex (it was a good decision we both agreed), and I have this strange attachment to the last orgasm I had, being with her. I know if I have another one it creates yet another separation between us. Maybe this sounds crazy but I'd like to know if anyone else has had this thought? It's like I don't want my body to be only mine again, it makes me so sad.

    Please offer whatever support you may have. Trying to think beyond 'it will get better with time' and instead feel out each moment one by one..

  2. #2
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    It has only been a week. You need to give it time. The worst thing you can do is start dating. You do not want to make someone a rebound.

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Imo, there is no point in stressing yourself about not being ready to engage in acts leading to orgasm. There is no rush. At 1 week the break up is still very fresh and what you experience is probably a form of mourning. Imo, this feeling is akin to grieving and it will gradually go away on its own. You are healing from a broken heart and you need more time. Just like it takes some time to walk again if one breaks their leg.

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    hi hollyj, you are absolutely right. As sad as I am to lose someone I really like and am very attracted to (weekends, cooking, friends, etc...all the changes that come with a break up) I have an intense desire to look inward and come back to myself. I will give it time and then some.

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    Enjoy your friends and take some time for yourself.

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    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    you need to move on... seriously.
    to not want another orgasm because "it's another degree of separation away from her" - is a bit unhealthy and extreme and over-dramatic. seriously.. its' just an orgasm.

    it's time to stop having post-break-up sex with her.
    its' time to stop having contact with her until you heal and get over her.
    it's time to move on.

    once you're over her than you can come back and re-kindle the friendship and even maybe make it fwb's until you both find somebody else.

    but you need to end this... NOW.

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    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Some people hang onto an old voicemail or text, maybe a cheesy gift that meant a lot or whatever. You are hanging onto the last orgasm and what it meant to you.

    There is no rush to move on and forcing yourself will not be healthy. One week is nothing so relax and let time and life help you accept what you know was a good decision.

    In short enough time the days will get better and you will have more and more of them in a row. Then one day you find yourself smiling and laughing with no guilt or sadness and that is when you know you are doing okay.

    If you don't want to masturbate then don't do it until it feels right both physically and emotionally. There are no rules for this stuff as long as you keep moving forward.

    Lost

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I kinda get what he's saying. When there was an intense physical bond with someone there are a lot of hormones that come along with that. Letting go of that is like coming off of a drug.

    I've had those thoughts, where I am in conflict with the emotional and physical separation from someone.
    The good news is much like everything else, it fades in time.

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    I'm in somewhat of a similar situation right now, and at the same time not exactly. My ex and I broke up on Monday, and we both decided it was for the best. That doesn't make me miss him any less. However, I am finding that all my sexual thoughts are related to him, and thus they all make me sad. I can't even get turned on without being sad, because I relate all my sexual needs to him still. We did not have sex during or post break up though so I know this is not exactly the same, but I'm sure this will pass for the both of us. We just need time.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    I'm in somewhat of a similar situation right now, and at the same time not exactly. My ex and I broke up on Monday, and we both decided it was for the best. That doesn't make me miss him any less. However, I am finding that all my sexual thoughts are related to him, and thus they all make me sad. I can't even get turned on without being sad, because I relate all my sexual needs to him still. We did not have sex during or post break up though so I know this is not exactly the same, but I'm sure this will pass for the both of us. We just need time.
    . .and then after some time, you meet someone else and look back at this moment and think to yourself "what was I thinking??"
    Hang in there.

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