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Thread: Mommyís boy?

  1. #11
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    hey Jacqueline.

    Okay that's good to hear. The going to parents for asking for advice itself is not concerning to me. What would be concerning is... (and this is yoru job to figure out)... why is he doing it?

    meaning.. pay attention to the advice they give back --- is it real good and excelelntn advice that when you heard about it... was it advice you would have appreciated if you got it? Or was it generic, not so provocative or insightful, etc? Thats far more important to assess.

    Little Story: I realize now the day i started losing my one and only fiancee ever, was the moment I decided to buy the house my parents like... instead of the townhouse my fiancee and i liked. She was like "why did you do that?" I said, "because i want to get my parents off our back... if we bought the townhouse, we'd never hear the end of it." What i didn't get then that i realize now is: my fiancee realized at that point that our life together would never be our own.. it would always be about my parents. It was a hard lesson. I don't allow it anymore.

    But just another explanation as to why some people may seem to always "run back to their parents". For me... it wasn't because I wanted to. They just stuck their nose in everything somehow (think... stalkers... they always find a way right?). And once they did if things didn't go their way - they'd make sure to bring it up at eery moment in some way to upset you. I wrongfully tried to minimize that by appeasing them (we all know that's just "enabling" them).

    so.. the solution? I moved away where they can't stick their nose in (ohhh.. they still try as much as they can with the advent of social media, internet, email, etc.) It's no shock both of their sons moved FAR away and have no intentions of coming back.

    So don't be too judgemental with us folks who have to deal with overbearing parents, stubborn parents.

  2. #12
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    Thatís what I think too but I guess itís better than going to work and getting others a cold too..?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by jaqueline24
    Thatís what I think too but I guess itís better than going to work and getting others a cold too..?
    Most of us stay home when we get a cold.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't complete with his mother or get upset that he takes her advice rather than yours. Just stay out of this whole power struggle and umbilical cord dynamic.

    You don't seem to respect him. That is as much of a problem as the hypochondria and apron strings. Do you live together? At 23 and 24 you both don't seem ready to settle down.

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  6. #15
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    My boyfriends mother can be very manipulating. Gosh I didnít want to have to go into this but.. she can control his decisions easily especially since he was a kid. So I kind of get where he gets that from.. wanting her advice and input on everything and anything. Thanks for sharing your story! And when it comes to what she says, itís usually always something that I can agree on and probably wouldíve said myself if he didnít ask her (except for the hospital thing)

  7. #16
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    I do respect him. A whole lot! but yes we live together and I am 24 and heís 26

  8. #17
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    I remember going to the ER to have emergency Gallbladder surgery and everyone it seemed in the waiting room had a cold/flu. Not only did I end up having emergency surgery I ended up catching a cold on top of it! So going to the ER if you have a cold is a pet peeve of mine. I can see where your frustration lies there OP.

    I do agree with however that reaching out to his mom for advice is more normal then you think. You will always need some guidance from them no matter how old you get.

  9. #18
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    This reminds me of the time one of my relatives really annoyed me and it was 10pm so too late to call my mother and vent. So I looked at my husband and said "you know what? I'm going to call YOUR mother and vent because I know she's awake and would get it". And I did, and it was great.

    I really dislike labeling men who are close with their mothers as "momma's boys" - would you do that if it was a female friend talking with her mother that often/going to her for advice? Yes, my husband was very very close with his mother. I don't think he showed it by calling constantly and I do think his mother enabled that kind of "too close" relationship for various reasons. I remember when Princess Diana was killed (we were dating at the time) he wanted to call his parents immediately to talk with them about it. Back then I was very caught up in cliches and notions about what is "masculine" etc and that gave me pause as did other ways he acted around his parents. Now my inlaws are deceased. I miss them especially my mother in law. And here's what I can tell you - I watch my husband with our son who is now 9 and so much of how he interacts/what they do together remind me a lot of how he described his relationship with his parents and what I saw first hand in all the years I've known him/knew them. My son tells me everything and thank goodness for that. I hope he always does and I hope he can find the right balance between our mother-son relationship and, later, any significant other he might have.
    And I agree with what everyone else said and glad you are open to listening!

  10. #19
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    Thatís very true.. our family is very important and we will always need them, thanks!

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry was confused by this recent thread :[Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by jaqueline24
    12-30-2018 I am 23 and he is 24
    Originally Posted by jaqueline24
    I do respect him. A whole lot! but yes we live together and I am 24 and heís 26

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