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Thread: Family feels entitled to my inheritance

  1. #1

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    Family feels entitled to my inheritance

    Hello!

    Wow, itís probably been a good 7-8 years since Iíve been on here. I always would get sound advice on here, so I am glad to see this website is still up and running.

    Itís been a rough year for me. Laid off from my job in Nov 2017. Not a big deal to me. Was actively interviewing for opportunities when my father passed away in March unexpectedly. As his only child, everything got put on hold to take care of his estate.

    I received an inheritance of roughly 250k. This money was used to pay off my bills, my car, bought a new car, took a few vacations, and the rest has been put in savings and retirement. I have also paid some of my moms bills (sheís retired and has been very poor at managing her finances) as well as donated money to my sister and brother in laws church. The problem is, that doesnít seem to be enough for them.

    My sister and her husband have fallen on hard times. They are both out of work and kind of struggling. Sheís upset with me because I havenít volunteered to give them any money. Ummmm, why should I?? Yíall have been married for 20 years. She had NEVER EVER asked me for a dime, why now all of a sudden are they struggling? She tells me Iím gonna reap what I sow, and if I donít want to help, our mom is just going to move down to Vegas and help them, and I can pay my rent and my mortgage (I moved from Seattle to Portland, and my mom moved into my house).

    My question is, am I wrong for not wanting to help? I made it very clear in the beginning that I am not obligated to give anyone a dime. My dad left an inheritance for me, his only child. This money is for my future family, not my broke family who doesnít know how to save their money.

    I appreciate any advice!

    Jessica

  2. #2
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    I would provide them with one month's rent/mortgage payment. And I'd make it very clear that these are the only funds I will be providing. After that, they need to figure out for themselves how to pay the bills.

  3. #3
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    I"m confused. You said you are the "only child" and yet have a sister. is she a sister with your mother with a different father?

    There's 2 ways to look at this:
    1. If your father wanted that money to help your "sister" - he would've left some for her too.
    2. Family is familiy and sometimes you lend a hend because their family.

    In this case... what i would say is - there wasn't a lot of money to go around. So it's wrong for the sister to demand money from you as that's going to leave nothing left for you - and that's not fair to you and probably wasn't your father's wish.
    What I think may be going on is, the sister saw you help your mom, and help donate money to a Church (of your brother and sister in laws). And yet.. after doing all that you don't want to help your own sister?

    That i could see as the craw in the neck on this one and that's REASONABLE for her to feel that way.
    But ultimately its YOUR money that was given to you and thus for you to decide what to do with it.

    Hint for next time though: if you're going to help family out. Think ahad and maybe proportion and even it out so everybody can get a little piece unless it's just SUPER obvious that say "mom" needed lots of help and so she got a good chunk and nobody else did.

    but yeah.. donating money to a church (which im' sure is not in financial trouble) but not a sister who is in financial trouble.. i can see that ruffling up feathers.

  4. #4

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    I hear ya. Yes, my sister and I have different dads, so I am my dads only child. I only have one sister, so she is the same one that I donated to her church. She asked me to do that. I also bought my niece and nephew new phones, and I pay their phone bill. In my honest opinion, I feel I have done enough. If I give her a few hundred, sheís going to be in the same situation next month, needing more.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by JessicaAllen
    I hear ya. Yes, my sister and I have different dads, so I am my dads only child. I only have one sister, so she is the same one that I donated to her church. She asked me to do that. I also bought my niece and nephew new phones, and I pay their phone bill. In my honest opinion, I feel I have done enough. If I give her a few hundred, sheís going to be in the same situation next month, needing more.
    And that is not your problem.

    You tell her that this is the last time you will help and they need to figure it out going forward. No more. Period.

  7. #6
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    oh so the sister cmplaining you didn't give her money is the same sister you donated to her Church?
    this sister has always asked for money and been in financial issues?
    Last edited by thisisrichey; 01-10-2019 at 12:38 PM. Reason: additional clarification questions

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, I can't say I could make a fully reasoned argument as to why you'd ever be obligated to extend her a financial benefit, but I truly couldn't ever imagine finding myself with $250,000 (even docking off however much off you want for whatever expenses you listed) and being stingy about helping my sister if she and her family were in hard times, especially if she'd never asked me for a dime before.

    I get that money runs out, and it's not that I think you should be throwing her half. I'm just saying that if a lump sum I, for all intents and purposes, otherwise wouldn't have fell onto me, and I was able to get myself into the black, buy a new car, and go on a few vacations, I'd probably be fine with a few grand less of that inheritance ending up in my retirement if it benefited a loved one. Then again, I come from a very poor family and know that I'll be lucky to get enough to have funeral costs covered, so it may be easier for me to say.

    I don't know. You do you. Again, it's obviously your money. It's less of a question of what you're obligated or responsible to do and moreso one of what a decent person would do. If you feel you've lived up to the latter, I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise.

  9. #8
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    Why aren't they working? Why are you paying for anyone's phone bill? You need to stop enabling this people. Plus, they have an incredible attitude of entitlement.

    Were you always close to your sister?

  10. #9
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    i agree with Holly... don't get TOO helpful and keep paying evrybody's bill. They'll just keep finding ways to keep making you do it once they get used to it.
    you need to enjoy the money yourself :)

  11. #10

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    Hi holly. My sister was laid off from her job last April, and my brother in law lost his job last month. He was working for one of those schools that got shut down. Weíve only been close the last few years. Sheís 8 years older than I am, so she was already married and out the house by the time I was 13. They both have nice cars and phones, so I suggested they look into driving for Uber or Lyft. Thatís an easy $300-500 a day.

    My sister is a master manipulator. Sheís good at making people feel bad for not doing something. Mind you, she has never asked for anything, she says her pride wonít let her. Sheís waiting for me to volunteer to help. Not happening.

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