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Thread: Family feels entitled to my inheritance

  1. #21
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    yeah.. i agre with your own assessment . no $ for her. to have fancy phones and cars and then scream "victim" that you can't afford your mortgage.... OH WELL.
    i hate passive aggressive people like that. don't reward (aka "enable") them another moment. Keep and enjoy the money.

    And btw.. and most importantl.. i am sorry to hear about your Dad.

    Take care.

  2. #22

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    I get what youíre saying. I had suggested Uber or lyft months ago, just as a way to earn extra cash. I didnít suggest it in a demoralizing way. Shoot, I still drive for Uber in my free time, just for something to do. I wouldnít say she is after my inheritance, but she has made it clear that Iím not doing enough. I gave $3k to their ministry, that wasnít enough. I have paid my moms bills, gave her one month free rent when she moved into my house, and that wasnít enough. ďWhy havenít you offered to pay the kids phone bill in full? Mom needs new tires, why havenít you offered to just buy her new tires?Ē Those were her exact questions.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    No, $250,000 if it's your sole source of money to get you through retirement. It is a whole lot of money if not a single penny of it is coming from a paycheck of yours, though, and especially if you've got several years of working age in front of you still. You give me $250,000, I guarantee 20% on that yearly just trading from opening bell to lunch and still having time for regular contracting work. What an absolute dream it would be.

    Again, it's not a matter of an obligation. I just don't get folks who legit wouldn't pay their loans, buy a new car, treat themselves a bit, see they've easily got enough left to put a solid 6-digits they wouldn't otherwise have and say, "Hey, you know what, sis, mother of my nephews, here's $5,000 for a rainy day." No being generous Aunt Sally hooking the kids up with new phones and benevolently covering the phone bill. If they wanna p1ss the money down the drain, at least your hands are clean. Obviously can't say anyone's wrong for not doing it. Just don't understand. Even the whole "don't enable her" bit. OP admits she's never asked for a dime in 20 years. I just can't get behind treating her like the dude on the corner you're not gonna give $1 to because you think he'll blow it on booze.

    I do think this thread serves as the most ironic use of "entitlement" I've ever seen, though.

  4. #24
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JessicaAllen
    My question is, am I wrong for not wanting to help? I made it very clear in the beginning that I am not obligated to give anyone a dime. My dad left an inheritance for me, his only child. This money is for my future family, not my broke family who doesnít know how to save their money.
    My mom got an inheritance from one of her uncles... she has 4 sisters... my mom and dad were his primary caregivers at the end of his life, bringing him meals, making sure his needs were taken care of, visiting him daily... he ended up leaving them with an inheritance that was sizeable. Her youngest sister was apparently resentful that she didn't split the money with them, my mom had the same attitude as you... "why should I? He left it to me not them." They ended up having a huge fight about it and didn't speak for years afterwards.

    There have been a lot of great comments here... all good food for thought... all I will add is that whatever you do, you need to be prepared to live with the consequences of your decisions. If you decide to cut your family off financially, then be ready for them to cut you off emotionally. Right or wrong that's usually the way these things go when it comes to inheritances. If you aren't prepared to be cut off emotionally, then you may want to reconsider your stubborn viewpoint on their financial situation and give them a little money to get by, with the caveat of course that it is a one time only thing.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    No, $250,000 if it's your sole source of money to get you through retirement. It is a whole lot of money if not a single penny of it is coming from a paycheck of yours, though, and especially if you've got several years of working age in front of you still. You give me $250,000, I guarantee 20% on that yearly just trading from opening bell to lunch and still having time for regular contracting work. What an absolute dream it would be.

    Again, it's not a matter of an obligation. I just don't get folks who legit wouldn't pay their loans, buy a new car, treat themselves a bit, see they've easily got enough left to put a solid 6-digits they wouldn't otherwise have and say, "Hey, you know what, sis, mother of my nephews, here's $5,000 for a rainy day." No being generous Aunt Sally hooking the kids up with new phones and benevolently covering the phone bill. If they wanna p1ss the money down the drain, at least your hands are clean. Obviously can't say anyone's wrong for not doing it. Just don't understand. Even the whole "don't enable her" bit. OP admits she's never asked for a dime in 20 years. I just can't get behind treating her like the dude on the corner you're not gonna give $1 to because you think he'll blow it on booze.

    I do think this thread serves as the most ironic use of "entitlement" I've ever seen, though.
    She said that they have only been close the last couple of years.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    She said that they only connected 8 years ago.
    Okay, she hasn't asked for a dime in 8 years, then.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JessicaAllen
    I get what youíre saying. I had suggested Uber or lyft months ago, just as a way to earn extra cash. I didnít suggest it in a demoralizing way. Shoot, I still drive for Uber in my free time, just for something to do. I wouldnít say she is after my inheritance, but she has made it clear that Iím not doing enough. I gave $3k to their ministry, that wasnít enough. I have paid my moms bills, gave her one month free rent when she moved into my house, and that wasnít enough. ďWhy havenít you offered to pay the kids phone bill in full? Mom needs new tires, why havenít you offered to just buy her new tires?Ē Those were her exact questions.
    She sounds toxic so I think the bigger question for you needs to be just how involved do you really want to be with her. One way to deal with people like that is to minimize contact with them to holiday and b-day greetings or to immediately end the conversation with them with some kind of "oh look at the time" and hang up. It might teach her to lay off if she wants to get anything at all from you or it might not. Most importantly, don't let her get under your skin. You aren't obligated to help or spend a single penny on anyone. If you feel like helping that's your prerogative, but live within your personal comfort zone and learn how to tune out people trying to guilt trip you into something you aren't happy with.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Okay, she hasn't asked for a dime in 8 years, then.
    I misspoke. The last couple of years.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I misspoke. The last couple of years.
    Holly, I will slap you in front of everyone here.

  11. #30
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    It does not excuse her sister getting any type of job.

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