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Thread: In a relationship with someone who doesn't want to work

  1. #21
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    I agree with all the others. He needs professional intervention and will need that once parents cut the purse strings either by choice or necessity. You need someone who is compatible with you as far as ambition and work ethic. It's crucial!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Hey this isn't goodbye forever.

    Once you start dating some great new guy and some time has passed maybe you could still be friends, that is of course if your new beau is cool with that.

    You are doing the right thing for you and he thinks he is doing the right thing for himself. Different paths is all.

    Lost

  3. #23
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    How exactly is he treating you like a princess when he watches you work all the time while he lounges around and does...what, exactly?

    In my books, treating me like a princess would also entail pulling one's weight in the partnership and actively working with me to build the life we envision together.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    How exactly is he treating you like a princess when he watches you work all the time while he lounges around and does...what, exactly?

    In my books, treating me like a princess would also entail pulling one's weight in the partnership and actively working with me to build the life we envision together.
    Not to mention MAKING her pay when they go out.

    Cinderella is right. OP, you do all the work (literally) and he gets all the benefits. And all he has to do is send a coup!e of audio messages after he drags himself out of bed at noon.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    You can't force someone to change just because you want them to. You have made the choice to work hard, to do everything you can to get ahead, because that is what you want. He, on the other hand, has made the choice to not do that, to not work and do as he pleases in his own way. And if that is what he wants to do, then good on him.

    So, you are two different people with two different lifestyles at opposite ends of the spectrum. You decision on this is: Is he suitable for the lifestyle I choose to live? Yes or No. Yes, then just go with it. No, move on.

    What you do not have is the right to force him to change to meet some ideal you hold, or even to abuse, shame or whatever him because he does not live up to want you want.

    If he is not suitable go find someone that is.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    How exactly is he treating you like a princess when he watches you work all the time while he lounges around and does...what, exactly?

    In my books, treating me like a princess would also entail pulling one's weight in the partnership and actively working with me to build the life we envision together.
    Yes, that is correct.
    I'm frustrated because every relationship I get in, there is always something crucial that won't "allow me" to be with the person. And this time, he is perfect with me, does all of my wishes, cares for me and we get along really well... but, there's this huge issue that totally puts me off.

    I have stopped trying to change him, but I won't lie and say that I haven't gotten in inumerous fights and discussions with him because of this. I can't get into my head how one can't care about their own future. Like, your are not rich to the point where you don't need to work, how can you not be worried about this? It's hard for me to get a grip around this...

    But, as frustrating as it is, I have given him inumerous chances, he won't change.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Lovelavie
    Yes, that is correct.
    I'm frustrated because every relationship I get in, there is always something crucial that won't "allow me" to be with the person. And this time, he is perfect with me, does all of my wishes, cares for me and we get along really well... but, there's this huge issue that totally puts me off.

    I have stopped trying to change him, but I won't lie and say that I haven't gotten in inumerous fights and discussions with him because of this. I can't get into my head how one can't care about their own future. Like, your are not rich to the point where you don't need to work, how can you not be worried about this? It's hard for me to get a grip around this...

    But, as frustrating as it is, I have given him inumerous chances, he won't change.
    You don't need to understand. He's not you. He has his own reasons/issues, etc and makes his own choices. Stop trying to get it in your head as to "why" and just practice acceptance. And after you accept it decide whether his choice is a dealbreaker for you. It sounds like it is (it certainly would be for me, no brainer).

  9. #28
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You can't change him.
    Tell yourself that a few hundred times till you finally believe it.

    I can sense that you still somehow think you can change him, that it might change. It will not change. This is his life, he is happy with how it is, he does not want to work.
    You can't change that, nor should you think you can.

    He is a grown man who has free will.
    I think what's at the bottom of this is that you feel if he loved you enough, he'd work in order to build a life with you. That's gotta hurt that he can't see that and he doesn't seem to care,

    But you have to accept how it is, stop trying to beat a dead horse and look elsewhere if you want a husband who is going to help you financially and building a life together.
    This is not the guy.

    He might seem "perfect" to you, but if wants to laze around, then no..he is not the one.
    You need to let it go.

  10. #29
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    Also there is some insecurity on my part that I can't seem to deal. He has hooked up with a lot of girls in the past, and he used to tell everyone as if it's some kind of prize. And I know a lot of girls he's been with, even have to share the same space with them a lot of times because we have friends in common. He has hit on some of my friends too... I know he's with me because he wants to, but his history of hook ups and the fact that I know a lot of them and they know me, makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's reasonable or not to feel this way.

    And anyway, yes I somehow think he will gain resposibilities. He might even work, but he will never be proactive. He's okay staying at home during the week, doing barely nothing. When I was unemployed last year, staying at home made me feel useless... We're just very different in that sense. I have had a privileged life but my dad has always taught me to work hard for my things, it's so bizarre that someone would choose to depend on their parents, like, they've worked so hard to give you everything, at least work to give them something back... sad

  11. #30
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    His hook ups, are another sign of his irresponsibility.

    No, it's not nice to be with a man who's slept with half the town and brags about it. In fact, it's vile. Most woman would feel the same way you do.

    You two sound so different from each other. I honestly think you're trying to force something that just isn't meant to be.

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