Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 40

Thread: In a relationship with someone who doesn't want to work

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    17,932
    He is a loser! This is who he is! He is an adult and you cant blame mommy. If he had any respect or love for you, he would act like an adult.

    i don't know how you can feel safe when you have to financially support this parasite! He would be a disaster as a father! He is an alcoholic , too!

    Where is your self worth? Why has this been OK for you?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    17,932
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He sounds like a great friend, but not any sort of partner if you want the house marriage kids, etc. Who supports him now? His alcohol habit and laziness really do not compensate for being "a beautiful soul", if he is a sloth and a mooch. This inertia and entitlement would continue if you go further. The beautiful soul thing would get very ugly very fast if he's sleeping until noon, out drinking daily and you are working several jobs and supporting him.

    Hey, sloths are cute.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,102
    Let me give you a quick example from my own life.

    A zillion years ago when I was a teenager I had a part time job at an amusement park. There was this kid named Mike who also worked there. He took the bus to work, which was nothing that unusual as I often took the bus to work as well. But he took the bus because his parents were opposed to him having a job. They told him they would give him all the money he wanted to do things with his friends, buy clothes and CDs, whatever he wanted. And that if he went ahead and took the job they would not allow him to use the car they'd bought for him and they would not give him any more spending money. And he reacted by taking the job ANYWAY, and riding the bus to work. He was SIXTEEN and already did not want his parents supplying him with spending money. He said he could have never respected himself if he were going to his parents for money every time he wanted to go to a movie or buy a pair of shoes. He wanted to provide those things for himself.

    Your "boyfriend" on the other hand seems to have no such qualms. He seems content to let Mommy support him while he sleeps and gets his booze on, and to let you buy him dinner and (I presume) other things.

    I wonder what he thinks will happen when Mommy passes away and he has zero job experience. I suppose he thinks he'll have either you or some other woman to be his sugar mama.

    If that appeals to you, carry on.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,050
    Gender
    Female
    Choosing a partner is based on a combination of several factors. Granted, you get along well, there is attraction and affection. But just as important is the need for similar life goals and values.
    Sometimes it's even more important because when the luster wears off you are left with someone who's life is not in alignment with yours.

    This is one of those moments in life where you need to think with your head and not just your heart.
    You can continue to love him and think he's a lovely person, but at the same time recognize that you two are ultimately not compatible. Not for the long haul.

    It would be foolish to wait around for him to change. From what you've shared it sounds as if his lifestyle has been reinforced and he is rewarded for it. Trying to change it would be pointless.
    Save yourself the heartache and frustration.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    337
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Let me give you a quick example from my own life.

    A zillion years ago when I was a teenager I had a part time job at an amusement park. There was this kid named Mike who also worked there. He took the bus to work, which was nothing that unusual as I often took the bus to work as well. But he took the bus because his parents were opposed to him having a job. They told him they would give him all the money he wanted to do things with his friends, buy clothes and CDs, whatever he wanted. And that if he went ahead and took the job they would not allow him to use the car they'd bought for him and they would not give him any more spending money. And he reacted by taking the job ANYWAY, and riding the bus to work. He was SIXTEEN and already did not want his parents supplying him with spending money. He said he could have never respected himself if he were going to his parents for money every time he wanted to go to a movie or buy a pair of shoes. He wanted to provide those things for himself.

    Your "boyfriend" on the other hand seems to have no such qualms. He seems content to let Mommy support him while he sleeps and gets his booze on, and to let you buy him dinner and (I presume) other things.

    I wonder what he thinks will happen when Mommy passes away and he has zero job experience. I suppose he thinks he'll have either you or some other woman to be his sugar mama.

    If that appeals to you, carry on.
    Thank you for this story, seriously opens my eyes, there really is no excuse. I've tried to "see his side" but I just can't understand... Really if you want something out of your life you'll work for it.

  7. #16
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    337
    I talked to him, he sent a bunch of audios, saying how he loves me, how he's changed, how I make a difference in his life. And indeed I know that is true, but still, it isn't enough to take someone seriously. Like yeah, okay, you love me, but you have zero responsibility whatsoever...
    Breaks my heart to do this... but I've had enough... he has always been like this, people don't change :(

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    17,932
    Is this the same guy?

    "After 4 years we meet again, confused about what's going on
    Ok, long story short, I met a guy 4 years ago, fell deeply in love with him, in a way I never did with anyone. Not even my ex from last year, which was the only guy I ever loved made me feel this way initially. With this guy, it was instant, for some reason I fell hard for him. At the time we met, I had just ended a 3 year relationship because I no longer loved my ex. During the span of 9 months, we were on and off, because everytime he'd show up, I could never say no, and the next day he would disappear. This went on and on, I would get all my hopes up and then disappoint myself.

    After 9 months, I got tired of putting up with this nonsense and "broke up" with him. After a while I got in a relationship with someone else, and right after, he started messaging me. I ignored him during all these years because I was commited to someone else. I thought: Ok, now that I'm with someone else you want me?

    Well fast forward this month, I saw him in a bar near where we live (we live in the same condo, 2 min away), and he came up to me and we started talking. He apologized for making me feel bad in the past, that he was afraid of getting involved because I had just gotten out of a relationship, that he did actually like me but was afraid of me getting back with my ex and him getting hurt. I told him my version and we both apologized. He told he should've never let me go, that I was amazing and that he wanted to go out with me again and see how things go this time.

    Well, few days later we started talking and he asked me out. We went for a drink, talked, laughed, kissed and he was more amazing than ever. That day on the bar, everything came back. I thought I was over him, for years I didn't even think of him the same way, nor cared about what he was doing, and all of sudden all I wanted was him again.

    The night was amazing, he was so sweet to me, and on the way home he said he wished the night lasted longer and that he wanted to see me this week still. He even made a joke saying "ok, see you in 3 months" making a reference to when that happened between us. I got out of the car almost jumping of happiness thinking "ok, this time nothing can get in our way"... well, he disappeared again. He sent me a text the next day saying he was hungover and that was all. No texts, no asking anything... I feel so stupid and confused. Why did he say all that if he wanted nothing? Why after 4 years we meet again and he apologizes and asks me out again only to do the same thing all over again? This time, I'm not "just out of a relationship" so what's the excuse?

    I don't mind us never going out again, I just don't understand why say all those things like he's really interested, go to all this trouble knowing that we had a confusing past only to end in nothing again. All I wanted was him, I wish I didn't, but all I think about is being with him again."

  9. #18
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    337
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Is this the same guy?

    [/B]
    Nooo!! this one is out of my life good lol

    This one is really dear to me, he is a good friend, and I care a lot about him. It breaks my heart to do this, but I've been through enough, I want something easy going. There will always be issues, but not like this...

    I don't know, I feel upset, but I know I can't change him

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,102
    I wonder if you'd "hoped" that he loved you enough to "change".

    But, going into a relationship where you know the only way for it to work is for one of you to "change" is always a bad idea, as you've found out.

    You can still care about him but planning a future with him would be a mistake. He's comfortable with his life the way it is now.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    17,932
    Originally Posted by Lovelavie
    Nooo!! this one is out of my life good lol

    This one is really dear to me, he is a good friend, and I care a lot about him. It breaks my heart to do this, but I've been through enough, I want something easy going. There will always be issues, but not like this...

    I don't know, I feel upset, but I know I can't change him
    He will continue to sponge off of people for his entire life.

    Please cut all contact with this guy, or you will not move on. I also suggest you address your dating history. You have a pattern of choosing very bad partners. Understand why you do not believe you deserve better men.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •