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Thread: So very confused

  1. #1

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    So very confused

    If a guy says he loves you and misses you and is clearly still very attracted to you but also says he wants to meet other people and to ultimately find someone who fits in with his life better, will eventually their heart win over their head (which is what he told me he needs to follow)? Do I just stay NC? How long does it usually take? For a month after breaking up, I made myself quite available when he messaged but now itís been 6 days NC. I know he must be finding it as hard as I am and he knows he hurt me so wonít reach out easily. Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? Why did you break up? The best thing to do after a breakup is to delete and block him from all social media and messaging apps. It sounds like he thinks you were incompatible and he found someone else.

    Many breakup talks are sugar-coated like this when they don't want to hurt you and this is a good example of that. It's not meant to string you along or give you false hope. It's intended to let you down easy.
    Originally Posted by SMatt
    If a guy says he loves you and misses you and is clearly still very attracted to you but also says he wants to meet other people and to ultimately find someone who fits in with his life better

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Just because he loves you, misses you and is clearly attracted, doesn't mean things are right.

    A weird analogy. I love chocolate, I miss chocolate, and I am clearly attracted to the idea that I want to put chocolate in my mouth, but I know that when I start to eat chocolate, I will eat way too much chocolate and I will get fat and be unhappy. So, it's best that I find something else that I can love and be attracted to that does not make me fat and unhappy.

    Just because your irrational emotional centre wants something, doesn't mean it is right. And it is up to our more rational logical 'head' to decide what is the best for us. This is what he is doing. If he 'settles' for you, it may feel good in the beginning, emotionally, but it sounds like it didn't work out already.

    So, you need to let your emotions stop ruling your desire to hold on and stay NC for as long as it takes to let it go. There is no timeframe, it will clear away when it clears away, but hanging on to hopes will only make it drag out longer.

  4. #4

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    We were together 4 months and feel head over heels about one another. He hasnít wanted to stop contact with me but I put NC in place after we met last week and had the best time on a date that I instigated. He was all over me like a rash but said at the end of the evening it doesnít change anything. Weird thing is he only lives 30-40 mins away. We met online and although I had been online dating for a year, I was the first girl he chatted to. I guess he feels he should play the field but I know from dating that what we had was really special. ☹️

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    A lot of things fall apart at this stage because the novelty has worn off and the differences become more evident.

    Is this your first relationship or breakup? How old is he? He may have met someone more local.

    Were you dating exclusively? Do you both still have your dating profiles on the site you met?
    Originally Posted by SMatt
    We were together 4 months. he only lives 30-40 mins away.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    If he doesn't want a relationship with you that's all you need to know to move on. Everything else it's just probably to make you or himself feel better. Block and delete and let him play the field like he wants. Don't wait around for him. This is not the person for the long term relationship you seem to want.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Annia;7084942[B
    ]If he doesn't want a relationship with you that's all you need to know to move on. Everything else it's just probably to make you or himself feel better. [/B]Block and delete and let him play the field like he wants. Don't wait around for him. This is not the person for the long term relationship you seem to want.
    Yes, I agree.

    He might like you well enough, but he has been clear you are not who he envisions his future with, OP. You're doing the right thing implementing No Contact. Otherwise, it would hurt you a lot when the day finally comes that he can't meet up with you because he has a date with someone else.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SMatt
    he wants to meet other people and to ultimately find someone who fits in with his life better
    There is nothing to be confused about. The important bit was the above, while the rest was sugarcoating. He is just not that into you. If you were to keep pursuing him, at best you would end up in a friend with benefits situation and would be dropped the moment he finds someone he feels is better. You should be thankful that he told you early on and gave you the chance to make an informed decision instead of wasting your precious time further. What he told you is a clear deal breaker to a person with healthy boundaries and self-esteem, leading to permanent nc. He has clearly demonstrated that he is not the one for you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If he was really so into you, so happy, so totally feeling the same as you do, he wouldn't have dumped you. It's really that simple. No, it's not about wanting to play the field, it's about the fact that he isn't afraid to lose you because he already decided he doesn't see a future with you and so doesn't value you the way you value him. That doesn't mean that he won't sleep with you if you are foolish enough to keep trying to pursue him. Stay NC permanently. There is no confusion here. He was very very clear about not seeing a future with you.

  11. #10
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    i'd move on. If his intentions are still to find somebody else who "fits better" - it means that he doesn't see you as a fit.
    Move on.

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