Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: Cause for concern or am I over reacting?

  1. #1

    Cause for concern or am I over reacting?

    I am in a tough situation. I met my partner 2 years ago. He was here on holiday in my home country.
    When we first met we didn't get along very well as I didn't like how he came across. When we began getting to know each other he accused me of wanting money from him and then later made comments about my physical looks such as nice a** shortly after we met.
    He later apologized when I said it was unacceptable to treat me like that. He said he was sorry and that he thought I was after his money (he is well off) as he had several women prior to me take him for a ride financially. In regards to the nice a** comment, he said he was sorry also and there was a language barrier as English isn't his first language.

    I ended up not going any further with him and 6 months after our first meeting we ran into each other again. We began talking again and he begged for a chance for us to try to see if a relationship was possible. Fast forward to now and we have been together, visiting each other back and fourth in each others countries, spending quality time together, he met my family many times, I met his family and asked me to marry him not long ago to which I accepted. I will also be moving to his home country, as he has a business set up there and I have agreed to help him work in his company.

    During this time I have had a nagging feeling that something is not right with him but I have been unsure of what it is. He always tells me over and over again that he is honest and genuine and can be trusted and that he has a good reputation amongst his family, friends and colleagues. He doesn't use social media (or so he says). I recently found out he did in fact have an Instagram account and I questioned him about it. He said that he does have one but didn't add me as he doesn't use it. I asked him 3 times to add me and he avoided.
    After a lot of fighting he added me to the account. He didn't have any posts on there but he did have about 120 accounts he was following and them following him ALL are prostitutes from his area that he is living in. I was shocked. And he was liking a lot of the girls nude photos.

    I was shocked as he is deeply religious and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. I don't share the same idea but I do respect that is what he wants. I confronted him and he started making excuses saying that he was not the one that created the account, he doesn't know how to use social media and that his friend created the account and must have liked and followed these people. I find it odd - as my partner has a liking for blonde women (I am blonde) and the prostitues he was interacting with are all blonde. He kept saying over and over again he didn't know these accounts were following and being followed and he is blaming his friend and calling the friend an enemy.
    Then this morning he is telling me that accounts are not really prostitutes, he had followed some of them to see if he could find someone to get married to as he has been looking for marriage.
    Now he is telling me I am hurting him. I don't trust him now. I can't believe he could be like this.
    Am I over reacting or should I be worried and dump him before we get married?

    Any help please would be appreciated.
    Last edited by confusedlemo; 01-10-2019 at 04:40 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,762
    The guy is lying to you, and you both know it.

    While social media may at first seem innocuous, it is the lack of transparency and the dishonesty he is demonstrating that would have me canceling plans to move to him. He's proved to you that he will actively deceive you and doesn't respect you enough to believe that you won't fall for his ridiculous tales. Noticed how many times he's changed his story since you discovered his online activity? He's followed random maybe-prostitutes to see if he could find a wife? Right. What a crock.

    This is not someone I would uproot my life for.

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    The guy is lying to you, and you both know it.

    While social media may at first seem innocuous, it is the lack of transparency and the dishonesty he is demonstrating that would have me canceling plans to move to him. He's proved to you that he will actively deceive you and doesn't respect you enough to believe that you won't fall for his ridiculous tales. Noticed how many times he's changed his story since you discovered his online activity? He's followed random maybe-prostitutes to see if he could find a wife? Right. What a crock.

    This is not someone I would uproot my life for.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. At the moment he is sending me messages telling me that I destroyed him and to make up my mind to drop this siutation or else to leave him.
    I mean he may have just been looking at prostitues online but i find it strange they are all in his area and a lot of them are following him back too on Instagram. Gives me a gut feeling that they may know each other.
    There are a couple of match making sites he follows as well but the majority are all prostitutes.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    30,623
    Gender
    Male
    Take more time to get to know him. Do not move there and do not get married. Why is he "looking at prostitutes to find marriage"? Why kind of culture is he from?
    Originally Posted by confusedlemo
    asked me to marry him not long ago to which I accepted. I will also be moving to his home country.

    Then this morning he is telling me that accounts are not really prostitutes, he had followed some of them to see if he could find someone to get married to as he has been looking for marriage.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Take more time to get to know him. Do not move there and do not get married. Why is he "looking at prostitutes to find marriage"? Why kind of culture is he from?
    Thank you. He is from the middle east.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    30,623
    Gender
    Male
    Do not go there and do not get married.
    Originally Posted by confusedlemo
    He is from the middle east.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do not go there and do not get married.
    I don't have an issue with the middle east, my cousin is married to a lovely man from there, so it's not the culture, in fact i quite like it but it's this mans behaviour that is bothering me.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    30,623
    Gender
    Male
    Then do not get married and do not go there for that purpose.
    Originally Posted by confusedlemo
    this mans behaviour that is bothering me.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,167
    Gender
    Female
    Please don't leave your country to live with him and work for his company. If you really want to move there do it for you and find a job of your own and a house to yourself
    Too many red flags and you're no where in the place of trust and honesty required to actually marry and build a life together.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,762
    He's deeply religious and hunting for wives on prostitution sites? I highly doubt his family would be okay with that, assuming they'd one day meet this wife and put two and two together.

    My point? He's not wife-hunting there. He was looking for sex, and my guess is that he's gotten it. He is their client. And now he's turning it around on you and trying to make you feel bad for his lies? Ugh. No.

    Sorry OP, but this man is not who you think he is. I have a bad feeling that once you were there, you'd discover a whole lot more about him that you don't like. He's not marriage material, by a very long shot. Don't turn your whole life around for this. I can almost guarantee you will regret it.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •