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Could he be lying about how he feels about me?


alexa5207

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Last Valentine’s Day my bf and I had a great day. It was the first time we said ‘I love you’ to each other and we had a nice dinner filled with lots of laughs. I even bought him a few personal gifts that he really seemed to appreciate. His best friend asked him (last year) if he did anything special for Valentine's Day and he said ‘not really.’ I was totally surprised because he told ME he had a great time and it seemed like he did. So why would he tell his best friend otherwise? I’m supposedly his first gf and the first girl he’s ever loved. Wouldn’t he be screaming about how happy he finally is from the rooftops? Not literally of course. I don’t expect him to act like a teenager as he is 33 years old. But I was taken aback by his response to his friend. Is this a red flag or am I reading too much into it?

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Is nonsensical to think that a random comment to some dude on his FB a year ago defines your relationship, his feelings or his honesty. How old is he?

I saw it on a Facebook comment on his page. it makes me feel like if he lied about his feelings then, he could be lying now.
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Is nonsensical to think that a random comment to some dude on his FB a year ago defines your relationship, his feelings or his honesty. How old is he?

 

He's 33.

 

Look OP I wouldn't be talking about my personal life and what I did on Valentine day on a Facebook comment either. Are there other issues?

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I think you are reading waaaayyyy too much into this. Not everyone screams from rooftops about their relationship and what they are doing. Some people actually prefer some privacy in those matters. On top of that, you have no idea what is going on with his best friend. He could have had some very good reasons not to say more in order not to upset his friend or make him jealous or whatever. How he chooses to respond to his friend has nothing to do with you or your relationship or his feelings. Also, I find your expectation for him to gush like a teenage girl rather odd, especially since he is in his 30's adult. This is a situation where you are way off and .....what are you doing going through his FB comments from so long ago anyway? What's really going on with you?

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You are reading WAY too much into his post from last year. Focus on his actions today and how he is treating you now. This sort of anxiety and obsessing about the past is a relationship killer so you need to find a way to get it under control.

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you are misunderstnding... when guys say "did you do somethign special" that means something out of the ordinary, unexpected.

having a nice romantic dinner and saying i love you to your gf on valentine's day is not out of the ordinary or unexpected.

 

it's a bit concerning though.. that you expect your man to "shout it out from the rooftops" for you. that's a bit unhealthy expectations you're putting on the bf.

that stuff happens in the movies.. not real life. and here is a life tip you will want to never forget. ANY GUY who goes to a rooftop to scream and proclaim their love for you for allto hear? RUN AWAY FROM HIM. He's a bad apple!

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I understand it's possible that I may be reading way too much into this. That's why I'm here asking for advice instead of bringing it up to him. I guess I just felt like since it IS his best friend and this IS his first relationship, he'd have had a better response bc I thought we had a great day. I obviously don't expect him to literally be screaming it from the rooftops. But would a LITTLE emotion or acknowledgment hurt? THAT'S what bothers me the most. I felt like it meant more to me than him.

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I understand it's possible that I may be reading way too much into this. That's why I'm here asking for advice instead of bringing it up to him. I guess I just felt like since it IS his best friend and this IS his first relationship, he'd have had a better response bc I thought we had a great day. I obviously don't expect him to literally be screaming it from the rooftops. But would a LITTLE emotion or acknowledgment hurt? THAT'S what bothers me the most. I felt like it meant more to me than him.

 

Acknowledgement to WHOM? Random people on the Internet? Why is that so important to you?

 

You seriously think he's been lying about how he feels about you for a year just because he didn't post "GIRLFRIEND AND I HAD AN ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS VALENTINE'S DAY! I LOVE LOVE LOVE HER!!!!!" on freaking Facebook???!!!

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Yes. Bc it was directly to his best friend. Not random people.

 

So again, why should he brag to his friend? Maybe he was being kind to his friend because his friend was having problems. Maybe he simply didn't feel like bragging because he is not the type to.

 

What's concerning is that you are taking this and making it about yourself and trying to create this whole scenario where your bf must be lying to you for months because he didn't brag to his friend. You are literally diving off the deep end without cause. What is actually going on with you personally that you are acting like this?

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Also, I asked this same question on quora and people said that he's just lying to get what he wants and that I should run. So I'm a little confused.

 

Really? You've been together for a year! This would maybe make sense if your third date was v-day, he wanted to get into your panties that day and had left you immediately after. I mean how are you not understanding how absurd your attitude is. Anyone telling that he only wanted one thing and to run either doesn't know that a year later you are still in a relationship or are simply messing with you because you really are trying to create some pretty imaginative drama.

 

Are you bored? Out of work? Do you often try to create drama? What's causing this behavior?

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I know I tend to personalize a lot of his behaviors but a lot of times, I can't help it. I do suffer from OCD and it is absolute torture bc I obsess about every thing he says and does. Most of the time I can't differentiate as to whether or not I'm reading too much into things or if they're actually red flags. I hate that I can't trust my own judgement bc I've been hurt so much before. It doesn't help that he's lied to me in the past. We've talked about it and he's apologized and said he didn't lie with any malice but just that he gets afraid of my reactions. I'm trying to work on not blowing up at him and leaving room for him to mess up at times bc he's human and not perfect, as he puts it. And neither am I. So I don't know. I guess that's pretty much the gist of it.

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Isn't it supposed to mean more to you? Isn't that the entire point of him taking you out, being romantic, etc? What's the problem here? Are you hoping for some big sparkly news this vday?

 

Why are you scanning his posts from last year? What is really wrong with the relationship that you feel the need to do this and misinterpret a communication between two guy friends?

I thought we had a great day. I felt like it meant more to me than him.
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Isn't it supposed to mean more to you? Isn't that the entire point of him taking you out, being romantic, etc? What's the problem here? Are you hoping for some big sparkly news this vday?

 

Why are you scanning his posts from last year? What is really wrong with the relationship that you feel the need to do this and misinterpret a communication between two guy friends?

 

Someone recently commented on the post so it popped up as recent on my feed.

 

I don't know. I guess I am just so used to being used and thrown away that I find it hard to believe that ANYONE could love me. I never got it from my parents, siblings, friends or relationships thus far. So it's a little hard to grasp that an outsider can come into my life and care about me more than my family. So I guess when I see things, any thing, that could even slightly be interpreted as he doesn't care about me, I run with it; further confirming that I AM unlovable. Like confirmation biased. Not looking for pity just being honest as to what I think it could be as I tend to be pretty introspective.

 

Problem is, I don't know how to change it. I want to. I really do. I've been on countless medications, seen countless therapists, did both dialectical and cognitive behavioral therapies. You name it, I've tried it. Some have worked, specifically the DBT but most programs don't last long so after 6 months, you're on your own.

 

My other fear is what if I DO find something that works? And what if it changes me to the point that I'm completely carefree and nothing he does or says bothers me? Then I've left myself open to being taken advantage of. Kinda goes back to not knowing when to differentiate between something being a big deal and something worth letting go. Whatever it is in the human brain that allows "normal" people to gauge that, I don't have it. I'm constantly posting things online or asking my therapist and the few true friends that I do have for an outside perspective bc I can't tell the difference on my own. And that scares me.

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