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Thread: Girls asking out guys and anxieties...

  1. #1
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    Girls asking out guys and anxieties...

    Hi guys! It's been a while since I've been on here - probably because I've been happily bumbling around in single-land for the last couple of years. Hi! Hope you're all well!

    Anyway, scenario: You meet a seemingly-great guy on a night out, while you're pretty intoxicated. As such, probably embarrassed yourself a little, but it did give you the guts to ask for his number, which he gave to you. You text him a couple of days later asking if he'd like to meet up. You get a positive reply saying yes, with some small talk. You're then away for a few days, but you say "we'll arrange something". Now, I'm rusty with dating, so help me out here. You should text him to arrange/see when he's free now, right? I normally let the guy reach out, but given the way this one has happened I feel like maybe I should? Is that weird/overboard/a turn-off? Should I be letting him ask (maybe he's not that interested)? Please stop me overthinking this!

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by nyxy
    Hi guys! It's been a while since I've been on here - probably because I've been happily bumbling around in single-land for the last couple of years. Hi! Hope you're all well!

    Anyway, scenario: You meet a seemingly-great guy on a night out, while you're pretty intoxicated. As such, probably embarrassed yourself a little, but it did give you the guts to ask for his number, which he gave to you. You text him a couple of days later asking if he'd like to meet up. You get a positive reply saying yes, with some small talk. You're then away for a few days, but you say "we'll arrange something". Now, I'm rusty with dating, so help me out here. You should text him to arrange/see when he's free now, right? I normally let the guy reach out, but given the way this one has happened I feel like maybe I should? Is that weird/overboard/a turn-off? Should I be letting him ask (maybe he's not that interested)? Please stop me overthinking this!

    Thanks in advance.
    You asked if he would like to meet up - he said yes, but you did not make plans - you just said "you will arrage something" so its on you to do the asking - he might not know if you are back or not. I would not ask him to meet up - i would ask him to dinner or coffee. you can be less direct "there's this new pizza place in town i have been wanting to check out.." and see if he bites. no pun intended. That way he knows its a date and not a hookup with a drunk woman. It also lets him see you sober. Do not go home with him/part ways in public also. if he declines, then move on.

    Personally, iw ould not meet up with a man i met while i was drunk. I would chalk it up to liquid courage adn say "hey, i was confident eough to get a number/give my number" and see if i could do it sober.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nyxy

    Anyway, scenario: You meet a seemingly-great guy on a night out, while you're pretty intoxicated. As such, probably embarrassed yourself a little, but it did give you the guts to ask for his number, which he gave to you. You text him a couple of days later asking if he'd like to meet up. You get a positive reply saying yes, with some small talk. You're then away for a few days, but you say "we'll arrange something".
    Think of it this way.

    What if you met a guy, he asked for your number, texted a couple of days later asking you out and after you replied yes, he then says "we'll arrange something."

    Arghh!!

    I can't imagine you'd be too keen with that, would probably think he was playing games, which is probably what he thinks.

    So yes, follow up by all means!

    Having said that, it doesn't appear you're too comfortable in the pursuing role, which is fine (neither am I at first tbh), so next time, flirt with him, give him the green light to ask you out, and let him pursue you, at least during the early stages.

    Good luck and let us know what happens!!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Let him know you are back from out of town and ask when he is free for coffee, lunch or whatever.

    Keep it simple, meet him where ever you agree on meeting and make sure you are in a public place. I am not saying he is a creepster but better be safe than sorry.

    The ball is in your court so run with it.

    BTW I have zero problems with women approaching me, asking for my number, asking me out, paying for dinner or anything else. We are supposed to treat each other as equals and if a guy is intimated because you asked him for his number or make more money than he does or whatever these junior men have issues with than he probably isn't for you.

    Relax, keep it light and simple and see where things go from there.

    Lost

    PS welcome back!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    In this situation the ball is clearly in your court to follow through and arrange a concrete date - day/time/place. He has no reason to reach out to you and ask you since you took control from the get go and left it at that you are out of town but will arrange details later. You basically left him with a clear message to wait on you to carry on where you left off, so all he can do is wait on you. You already know he is interested and already agreed to the date, so the hard part is done. Now it's just logistics and working out time and place. So just text him that you are back and how about this or that day/time/place.

  7. #6
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    The ball is in your court. Reach out.

  8. #7
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    you did sort of set an expectation that you'd arrange something - so right now i'd say the ball is in your court. But that's not a bad thing. Girls having the gutts to initiate and ask us out and doing some of the things most gals expect from guys (arrange, initiate, pay, etc.) actually makes you stand out from the crowd and impresses us. :) So yes you made it your obligation, but you'll come off looking good by this.

    Just don't THROW yourself at him constantly and let him initiate at times as well.

    Girls that have the gutts to initiate definitely win huge points with guys.

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    I've always been put off by women who get "pretty intoxicated". It just seems so unnecessary yet also so prevalent lately. I've gotten to the point where I drink rarely if ever. Maybe that's just me but I don't think so. My sister's having a tough time meeting guys and she drinks every time she goes out, several glasses of wine. I have always thought the quality guys aren't going to be interested for the same reason I'm not. It just shows bad judgement, lack of self control, potential alcoholism, and other associated problems. Anyway if your first contact with this guy was during an inebriated state, that might be why he's slow to get back to you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Finish what you start. So yes don't leave him hanging with a vague "we'll arrange something". Ask him to do something over the weekend that doesn't involve booze or sleepovers.
    Originally Posted by nyxy
    You're then away for a few days, but you say "we'll arrange something".

  11. #10
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    Thanks all. That's what I needed - interesting comments! For what it's worth, I'm not a big drinker at all and I'm already embarrassed by that bit - a friend poured my drinks (I know, I know) and it wasn't intended. Ordinarily I'd just leave it, but for various reasons I'm not so sure on this one. Nothing happened that night. No kisses, no sleepovers, just chatting, a hug, and numbers swapped.

    Best get my thinking cap on then as to what to arrange. I'm terrible at this kind of stuff!

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