Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 34

Thread: accepting your parents don't love you, is it possible ?

  1. #11
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    590
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I just take issue with this.
    Just because someone can procreate doesn't automatically make them parents and doesn't make them loving.
    Besides, we don't know what they are thinking.

    Love is an verb. It's the actions behind it that define it.
    Just rhetoric, that's all :)
    Again.. let's differentiate here.Because the differentiation is the point.
    They DO love you. Its' innate in our DNA when it comes to offspring. it goes back to our primal/instinctive DNA.

    Now.. whether we're good at SHOWING and SHARING that love is a completely different thing. And that's where the issues are because now we're talking psychology, social mechanisms, etc. That's where the issues truly are: how and in what way love is expressed.

    But that biological parents/offspring love each other - yes they do. It might be covered up with a bunch of something else all over the place, but deep down at its core there is real love between parents/offspring.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,355
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    Again.. let's differentiate here.Because the differentiation is the point.
    They DO love you. Its' innate in our DNA when it comes to offspring. it goes back to our primal/instinctive DNA.

    .
    ""Some parents love their children, some don't love their children. ... Some parents love their children no matter what. Some parents are incapable of love. Being biologically capable of producing offspring is not anywhere near the same thing as being emotionally capable of dealing with them appropriately or loving them""

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,512
    Gender
    Male
    "Indeed, mother bears, felines, canids, primates, and many species of rodents—from rats to prairie dogs—have all been seen killing and eating their young. Insects, fish, amphibians, reptiles, and birds also have been implicated in killing, and sometimes devouring, the young of their own kind."

    And sadly infanticide is most often carried out by a parent and many kids are beaten and horrendously abused. But that is not some sort of natural instinct, like fish or wild animals. It is pure evil pure hate.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,498
    My mother resented me and was jealous of me. She said terrible things to me. She also knew I was being sexually molested by a family member and did nothing about it. She did, however, make great personal sacrifices to make sure I was fed, clothed, housed and educated. I presume she did the latter things out of love and not out of obligation or fear of what others would think.

    My "father" (in quotes for many reasons) was a deadbeat who did not care if we kids were fed, clothed or housed. I do not believe he loved any of us, but he sure did like to crow whenever any of us accomplished something in either sports or "feminine" activities (me, such as ballet or cheer). I do not think he crowed out of love.


    I accept my father didn't and doesn't love me. My mother, I'm not sure about because her resentment was so blatant and so frequently expressed, but she did take care of my basic needs. I waffle between loving her for the things she did for me and taught me (such as, how to be independent) and feeling angry and hurt for her obvious jealousy and resentment of me. And for not protecting me.

    It's super complicated and probably will never be resolved until we meet again since she passed away years ago.

    Fortunately, we kids did have loving and positive role models in other family members. Our extended family is wonderful.

    OP, do you have any really great extended family members?

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,690
    How old are you?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,690
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    My mother resented me and was jealous of me. She said terrible things to me. She also knew I was being sexually molested by a family member and did nothing about it. She did, however, make great personal sacrifices to make sure I was fed, clothed, housed and educated. I presume she did the latter things out of love and not out of obligation or fear of what others would think.

    My "father" (in quotes for many reasons) was a deadbeat who did not care if we kids were fed, clothed or housed. I do not believe he loved any of us, but he sure did like to crow whenever any of us accomplished something in either sports or "feminine" activities (me, such as ballet or cheer). I do not think he crowed out of love.


    I accept my father didn't and doesn't love me. My mother, I'm not sure about because her resentment was so blatant and so frequently expressed, but she did take care of my basic needs. I waffle between loving her for the things she did for me and taught me (such as, how to be independent) and feeling angry and hurt for her obvious jealousy and resentment of me. And for not protecting me.

    It's super complicated and probably will never be resolved until we meet again since she passed away years ago.

    Fortunately, we kids did have loving and positive role models in other family members. Our extended family is wonderful.

    OP, do you have any really great extended family members?
    Was there ever a conversation regarding her abuse?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,512
    Gender
    Male
    8 years old?
    Originally Posted by 31773
    since I was 5 and my parents split and I moved in with my dad- I've lived with my dad since and he seemed to stop caring or 'parenting' me around 1-3 years ago.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,498
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Was there ever a conversation regarding her abuse?
    Can you clarify the question? Are you asking if she was abused? She was not, I was, and I found out when I was an adult (married with kids) that she knew I was being molested and did nothing.

  10. #19
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    590
    Again.. what we think and what we do are 2 separate things.
    Havent' you all had thoughts in your head on what you intended or wanted to do - but what you actually did never measured up?

    hello....

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,584
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I just take issue with this.
    Just because someone can procreate doesn't automatically make them parents and doesn't make them loving.
    Besides, we don't know what they are thinking.

    Love is an verb. It's the actions behind it that define it.
    Just rhetoric, that's all :)
    I agree. I've had my issues with my parents but I didn't went through the traumatic situations the OP, Seraphim, thisisrichey, boltrun and others have been through and I can say that nowadays I have a good relationship with them, but I also came through the realisation through observing others, that the biological bond of parents and children is not enough to make parents and children love each other. In an ideal world parents should always love their children, take care of them, protect them and biologically it makes sense too, but unfortunately it doesn't always work like that. You even have parents who take care of the children because of moral obligation admitting that they don't love their children.

    I'm very sorry you've been through this. As other suggested I think therapy could help a lot. Not so much to understand why they're like this, but more to deal with that and realise that this is all about them and their issues and not you or your value. Also, when you can, it'd also be beneficial to leave your father's house as soon as possible.

    Maybe you won't stop caring, but eventually some day you'll develop the needed emotional distance to not be so affected by it. Also take a look at Seraphim who from what I've read in this forum, went through hell and back and not only has she survived, but also found true love in her husband and children. An example of strength and hope.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •