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Thread: Girlfriend sexted a guy she knew from a dating site: Was it cheating?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    what about when I eat cold chef boyarde out of the can while my lady is at conferences
    CHEATER!

    And, damn, j.man—you seemed like one of the good ones. Until now.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    To answer your q OP: If it feels like cheating to you, it's cheating.

    This relationship is over.

    You're snooping, she's trapping thirst. Y'all have about five minutes of history in the scheme of things—much of it, according to you, "not great"—so what's the point of trying to smooth another rough patch?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    To answer your q OP: If it feels like cheating to you, it's cheating.

    This relationship is over.

    You're snooping, she's trapping thirst. Y'all have about five minutes of history in the scheme of things—much of it, according to you, "not great"—so what's the point of trying to smooth another rough patch?
    That is exactly what I now see it as and what it felt like so I had to do what I had to do for my own welfare.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Depressed
    That is exactly what I now see it as and what it felt like so I had to do what I had to do for my own welfare.
    Good move and bravo. I know it's hard, and I'm sorry for the pain.

    But you know your needs, your worth, and acted accordingly. That's the primo stuff, there, and it will be what guides you to a better match.

    Don't let this get you down. It's not about you—her shyt, simple as that.

    Just like you don't want to be with someone sending messages like this, I doubt you want to be someone who is snooping through phones in your mid 30s, so take all this as a hard push to clearer pastures.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Good move and bravo. I know it's hard, and I'm sorry for the pain.

    But you know your needs, your worth, and acted accordingly. That's the primo stuff, there, and it will be what guides you to a better match.

    Don't let this get you down. It's not about you—her shyt, simple as that.

    Just like you don't want to be with someone sending messages like this, I doubt you want to be someone who is snooping through phones in your mid 30s, so take all this as a hard push to clearer pastures.
    It is hard and this is the first time that I've ever been cheated on. Obviously it's not nice and totally hurtful and disrespectful.

    By me responding to her the way that I did, then that will tell her that I won't be treated like this and that I'm not a doormat - bit late but she'll understand (well should.)

    You're right, this is about her messing up and I know I am entirely innocent as I have never cheated and never will. Ok, snooping on her phone - but it was justified as I had genuine reason for suspicion.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    You trusted your gut and it was right.

    Yes she was emotionally cheating and from the sounds of it planning on physically cheating on you. 7 months in and she showed her true colors, be thankful.

    It hurts but you dodged a bullet.

    Lost

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It was emotional cheating and a deal-breaker of the "don't walk, run" variety. You did the right thing. No use in wasting any mental energy over her. Just be thankful that you didn't waste any more of your precious time on this worthless individual.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Depressed
    It is hard and this is the first time that I've ever been cheated on. Obviously it's not nice and totally hurtful and disrespectful.

    By me responding to her the way that I did, then that will tell her that I won't be treated like this and that I'm not a doormat - bit late but she'll understand (well should.)

    You're right, this is about her messing up and I know I am entirely innocent as I have never cheated and never will. Ok, snooping on her phone - but it was justified as I had genuine reason for suspicion.
    I don't want to challenge you too much while you're hurting, especially as you're making the right and hard choice, but, for your own progress, I wouldn't justify the snooping. Like, just like you don't want to keep dating That Woman you don't want to be That Guy.

    You'll be suspicious about a partner again—it happens. Don't let this make you a snooper.

    I have a hard rule against snooping—it's one of my (admittedly few) hard dealbreakers. I have never done it, never will, because it just represents so many things that I never want to be.

    I've been cheated on too. It really sucks. But also? It happens. Don't let a sucky thing happening to you pave the way for allowing you to be sucky. There's no power or glory there.

  10. #19
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    From what you said, she didnt sext him. "she said to him 'can't rush it just now' and then he said so when are we gonna do it and she said 'not straight away."
    Thats a nice decline.
    She texted an old boyfriend. Its not nice, but not the end of the world.
    Sounds like its over anyway... so time to let it go and move on.

  11. #20
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    He wasn't an old bf, prob was someone she's never met before. Also, not shutting down someone when they are saying they wanna eff you and entertaining it is wrong.

    Pretty basic common sense clearly.

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