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Thread: Did I mess up?

  1. #1
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    Did I mess up?

    I told this person that I've decided to try and come out of my shell more and that I had wish I had told her sooner how I had felt about her and I told her she's intelligent,enthusiastic,appreciative and inspiring young woman you know the stuff which I know is true and I thought she might like to hear and she replied with that's sweet but what do I say now. It's been so long since I've dated I mean I've been in a very dark place of late and it feels like she is brightening my life up and giving it meaning but I know if I say this I'm gonna look like a colossal idiot

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevenrandle
    I told this person that I've decided to try and come out of my shell more and that I had wish I had told her sooner how I had felt about her and I told her she's intelligent,enthusiastic,appreciative and inspiring young woman you know the stuff which I know is true and I thought she might like to hear and she replied with that's sweet but what do I say now. It's been so long since I've dated I mean I've been in a very dark place of late and it feels like she is brightening my life up and giving it meaning but I know if I say this I'm gonna look like a colossal idiot
    You have been in a very dark place of late. This is what you need to be sorting out. Deal with the depression at its source. Find happiness in yourself and not in others. Yes, she may be brightening your life, but it wont always be like that. The more you push towards that, the more you are depending on someone else for your happiness and when that person can't make you happy on a certain day you will slip back into depression.

    As for the girl, are you being more active with her, asking her out on a date or similar, or are you just saying nice things to boost her ego without stating your intentions?

    Or, and about being a colossal idiot. Sometimes you have to be a colossal idiot to learn how not to be one. And, if this particular girl thinks you are one, then you will learn what not to do for the next one.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I totally agree with Keyman. You're expecting this girl to bring meaning back to your life and it shouldn't be that way. That is far too much responsibility on someone else.
    You should find your own meaning in your life without expecting someone else to give you that.

    Happiness truly should come from within.

    She's going to seem like perfection to you being as you've been alone for so long. But it's not the case. You are in lust and lonely...a combination that can make you become far too attached easily to someone and can put them up on a pedestal.
    She's a normal everyday girl just trying to get by, like you are.

    Focus on getting to know her, become good friends with her. Don't run a million miles ahead and think "she's the one, etc".
    You'll scare her off.

    Just try to remain relaxed and focused on making a new friend. Concentrate on the friendship and hopefully it will blossom into romance.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Replied in your other thread about this: [Register to see the link]

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Are you going on actual dates with her?

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    Don't make someone else your savior, or put her on a pedestal, that is a recipe for failure and disaster. Now that you complimented her, ask her out! Go out have and show her a good time. Can't give anymore advice other than this for the time being. Without knowing to much of your history with her, be aware that she can say no to your advances. If she does you have to be able to brush it off and keep moving forward. If it's going to bring you back into a dark place then you may want to reconsider. There is no reward without risk...

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    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Ask her out on a real date and see what she says. If yes then take her to dinner, have a nice conversation, get to know each other better and see where it goes. If the answer is no then move on.

    You really shouldn't be leaning on anyone to make your life brighter or better, make it better on your own and then start dating. Being strong, confident and having your stuff together is attractive, being needy and insecure is not.

    Lost

  9. #8
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Did you mess up by telling her you like her?]
    Depends on the persepctive you are asking. Did you "mess up" by hurting your chances with her? Probably yes. Did you mess up by being honest with her? No.

    Where you might have messed up more (or what you can do better next time) is: stop getting stuck within your own head of what you thikn about her, how you see her, what she means to you - bla bla bla.. your whole "fantasy" about what she can be for you. And instead spend MORE time figuring out what you can offer her, bring to her life, can do for her, and observe whether you are bringing anything to her and if she's reciprocating with signs of interest. This is what you REALLY should be doing BEFORE you ever ask or express feelings for a person. In this way .. YOU MESSED UP because you didn't do this.

    So what is it that you want with her? Probably to date her right? Well, if so, now that the cats out of the bag, tis time to do things the right way (and not the messed up way). Per the previous paragraph, do all the things you should have been doing BEFORE you ask her out. aka be of value to her, bring something to the table for her that she will want, figure out what you offer that would be of value to her to want to be your woman and make sure she nkows about it. Then start to observe her and how she is reacting to you. is she showing interest? is she attracted? if the signs say 'yes' - ask her out as soon as you can.

    My guess is "you can't tell" or "you don't know how to" - well.. then just ask her out. Her answer will tell you the answer. A "yes" means she's into you. A "no" means she's not. (but you got to make sure you ask her out and it's clear you're doing so b/c you're interested in dating her... no "friend buddy" things...)

    Good luck!


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